whyknot

You are not going crazy. Here is something all of us who are grieving have to accept-it is going to take a lot more time to go through this than what we want to spend on it. Change anyway-and change all that comes your way.

Hi- when my son passed away, his son, my grandson was not quite 4yrs old. A child that young has not developed much of a vocabulary for complicated issues. Someone mentioned to him that his father was in heaven so he took to talking about the moon. That was something tangible that he could grasp onto. I remember sitting outside with him at night looking at the moon, large and bright and shining down on us. I can see where it would comfort him. Anyway he is 20 now and still living with me. He has gone through grieving the loss of his dad many times over the years. In each developmental stage we have had discussions appropriate to the place he was at. As the toddler, young child, pre teen, older teen, and adult, facing the loss in feelings and words appropriate to the time. It is hard to accept, but grieving does go on for the rest of your life so we should not feel like we have to deal with all the parts of it in a short period of time. So, to answer your feelings, it is appropriate to share your feelings of loss with a child, personally I would not expect them to grieve in the same way someone at my point in life would be handling it. Soon enough they will face it on a deeper level, allow them the grace to enjoy what they can.

Hello Nicholas-next weekend will be the six month anniversary of our son's death. I did not think I could go one week without seeing him, but I am proven wrong. On saturday his friends will have a memorial car club get together and travel around to some of their favorite places and sell t shirts and stickers they have designed to raise money for the foundation we started. We are still showing his car at vw events on the east coast. It does help to have all this activity to be involved in, so I would encourage you to create something in your son's name that will be a legacy. I also have experienced the death of my other son years ago, but his legacy was a three year old son that we have raised who is about to turn 20! So, although each grieving experience was different, a legacy has been an important part of our healing as a family. By God's grace we have survived.

Thanks for the thoughts. Here's something to think about. I just went to the 2peas in a pod site recommended here written by a young widow. She was telling about reading that deceased people communicate sometimes through electrical things like light bulbs etc. I just switched from her site back to here and my porch light went off for @10 seconds and just when I went to get up to check that out it turned back on. I don't know how I feel about these things either, but that is what happened.

I just joined this discussion group tonight. That was my decision in order to have people to talk to. Lately people are either avoiding me or hugging me and crying about how sorry they feel for me! Gosh it's no wonder I'm avoiding walmart. Three months ago we lost our 27 year old son. 15 years ago we lost our older son. We have raised our grandson who is now almost 20 years old. I have had a crisis today because I have been so bold in thinking that because I went through this before that I could count on my brain to remember how to deal with it. NOT TRUE. This is a very different experience because I am older, and also because my husband had a stroke two years ago and still cannot walk. Now he just wants to lay in bed a give up. The being older is a problem for me. I am resentful at giving up all these months of my life to grieving when at my age we are counting the moments already. Hope you all can bear through this with me. N.