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mik

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Everything posted by mik

  1. Sending prayers to you. May God help you survive this tragedy and bring a beacon of light to shine in your heart and soul. You will begin to heal inside a little bit at a time. I know it probably seems impossible to believe at this moment. Prayers for peace.
  2. There is always hope. Talk about your wife. Celebrate her life through your children. Make a memorial to her that you can visit and talk to her on the occasions that you feel you can't go on. Journal about your lives together through the tears. I am so sorry for your loss.
  3. I am so sorry to hear your news. I will keep you in my prayers.
  4. So glad that Marty is ok! Thank you for providing info on her status!
  5. A very sad day for the United Kingdom and the world.
  6. I have been awake since 5 am today. I had a bad dream. My mom passed away October 31st and I am having a difficult time. I was her care giver as well. I dreamed she was calling my name over and over again. I ran to her bedroom and I couldn't find her. In my dream I threw the covers off the bed looking for her. Suddenly my Dad who passed away three years before said to me "you will think you hear her calling you but it's not" I couldn't see my Dad's face but who else would be in her bed with Her? I woke up crying with a terrible sense of loss and ache in my heart. I don't want to go back to sleep for fear of revisiting that dream. Anyone else have bizarre dreams like This? Is there something wrong with me?
  7. It's been one month since Mom left us. The Christmas season is here. My brother's are in Pennsylvania and I am living with my husband in South Carolina. I expected to have Thanksgiving and Christmas here in our new home. Me my husband and my Mom. Moms in heaven now, so it's just me and my husband. Mom has always been a part of the equation since Dad passed almost 3 years ago. I don't want to celebrate any holiday here at our new house. I also don't want to go home to PA. I am stuck in limbo. On one hand the support of family might help, but my brothers have their own lives. My aunts and uncles have theirs as well, as do my friends back home. I haven't lived here long enough to make friends. My husband is trying to be supportive but really was not close to his family and doesn't get my sadness, anxiety or depression. We have been arguing a lot. The problem is I don't know what to do to get through this holiday without Mom. Going back home is also a financial burden at this time. Airline flights are practically non existent. There are more compelling reasons to stay put than returning home (I keep saying home, meaning Moms home before we came here) but HERE is my home. I can't stand seeing others happy celebrating the holiday. It was Moms favorite. It makes me feel bad that I find their happiness painful. I am jealous they have their Moms. I keep asking God for direction...
  8. Mom was supposed to help me bake pumpkin pies for Thanksgiving tomorrow. She is in Heaven instead. I'm sad and angry. I dont care if I celebrate another holiday ever again. My family is in PA. I am in South Carolina with my husband. Mom was here for a month before passing away, yeah. I hate the thought of Christmas. I hate being an orphan. I just want everything the way it was before my parents died. I'm 60 years old and know I sound like a spoiled 5 year old brat, but that just what I feel like...swinging between anger at everyone and depression. Why couldn't Mom just make it through one more Christmas. I am so selfish. She was in pain and wanted to be with my Dad yet here I am wishing her here with me. I get so disgusted with my self.
  9. I arrived home in SC from PA. I flew back for Moms funeral. Her body was flown back as well. It was so hard. We stayed with my aunt and uncle. I had support from them as well as my friends, relatives and my brothers. Now my husband and I are home and I am so depressed! So used to Mom being here. I shut the door to her room. I am crying as I write this..we just moved here, bought our new home together, a dream of ours and I want to be back in PA. My husband can only take so much. I don't know how I am going to survive here. I feel so alone. I have no friends here yet. And now the holidays are approaching. I am not doing Thanksgiving or Christmas. It's only my husband and myself. I miss my Mom so Much! I know that she wanted to be with my Dad in heaven but it doesn't provide me comfort right now. I feel lost. I have my husband but he doesn't get it. Makes me feel guilty because why is he not enough. I'm so sad and depressed I just wonder if I will ever be at peace?
  10. I have so much anxiety and sadness right now. I have to get on that plane home to PA. I don't know how I am going to keep from breaking down. Mom and I flew here to SC less than a month ago together, she was so happy with the window seat. We rose above the clouds and I was able to see the happiness in her eyes. I don't know how I'm going to get on that plane again and not have the grief take over. It's hard enough to fly without the attendants thinking I am having a breakdown. Maybe I should let them know so they don't think something is wrong with me and boot me off the plane. Or maybe a drink before I get on would numb my grief...
  11. May God protect you in your journey helping others!
  12. It's hard to have time to grieve when you have to arrange your flight back to your hometown, figure out what to take, arrange car rental, a place to stay...I can't stay at my moms, it would hurt me too much with all of those reminders starring me in the face. I can't think straight. I have a sitter for Lucy and Mingocat for the next 2 weeks. Even the cats who get along with each other are fighting Now? I'm short tempered and everything is hard to do. I am whining and I know that. I just moved to SC and we bought our house in May. When my husband and I were looking, "I "was looking for a house mom would love & that she could get around in. I should have been looking for a house for me and my husband and adding mom. Now I don't want to live here. It's too far away from Myrtle Beach (1/2 hour and the nearest town is 15 minutes away. I don't want to be home in PA Either! I don't know what I need...I haven't made any friends here yet, mom kept me too busy. Now I have no desire to make this my home. I want to move. I know it sounds like I'm running away and I probably am. That seems to be what I do when I am stressed and can't take it anymore. Sigh...I'm lonely here, the only support I have is you all and my husband. I have to realize that nothing is going to fix this or make it better. Moms gone.
  13. I am so very sorry for your loss. I can understand that feeling of hopeless dread. I just lost my Mom 2 days ago. I know, take one day at a time? Losing who you are? The silence is unbearable. My belief that the person who was here in body is still here in spirit. The time spent with him and your connection is inside your heart and soul and will remain there.
  14. It's 1:30 and I don't want to go to bed. I am afraid I will dream of my Mom. Today I packed the dress and shoes I bought her for my wedding last year. Now they are being shipped back to PA so that she can be wear them when visitation occurs at the funeral home. We were so happy last September when we went shopping ( she didn't go many places due to her inability to walk) but she was with me that day. It was so hard to pack those things and will be even harder to see her laid out in it. I already miss her so Much! I keep distracting myself so I don't break down for yet another time today. I feel so hopeless and sad. I keep going back and forth trying to be happy she is in Heaven with God and my Dad and with others who passed before her. I'm lonely without her and it's only been a day. People tell me that I have my husband to lean on, but my Mom was my best friend. The person I could tell everything to. What am I going to do without Her? I may have been her caregiver, but she gave to me as much as I gave to her.
  15. I'm hanging in there. One day at a time...or hour..sometimes minute.
  16. Thank you for this. It has helped a great deal today.
  17. Thank you. I was also Moms care giver. I am lost now and have no purpose. I am not able to focus and I'm just afraid. I feel like a zombi.
  18. I lost my Mom today. I was at the hospital holding her hand when she passed away from covid, pneumonia and kidneys that stopped working. She just moved here to South Carolina with me and my husband. We bought a house and moved, mom needed care and I brought her to live with me. She was 86. I am sure I am still in a state of shock I dont even want go indoors. All I can do is smoke and sit here. I feel frozen. The feeling of grief is overwhelming to me. We will be flying her back to PA my brother's are arranging the funeral. I am afraid to go to bed. I already had two drinks. I have to make it through this. .
  19. I go to Google earth often and look at the streets we traveled on and the house where we lived. I see the birdhouses he made still on the posts in the yard. Sometimes I almost think I see him looking out the window of his office...
  20. You gave us a a great gift through your pain. Your experience and sorrow of regret has provided insight on how we may choose to spend that time with our loved ones now and in in the future. Although Nancy is not here in body or flesh, she knows of your regret. It is my belief that those who have left this earth for a greater place wish you that same peace she has achieved. Please forgive yourself.
  21. I am so sorry. Just try and take one moment at a time. Everyone here has gone through their grief and pain in their own ways. There is no right or wrong way to feel. Just breath for now...
  22. What a lovely way to remember someone so close in your heart. You can see the love that was put into nurturing and growing this amazing paradise for butterflies! I did something similar for my Dad who passed away almost 2 years ago. He and I always planted flowers, I took everything that he taught me and each spring I plant flowers for him. His nickname was "Yash" thus the name Yash's Flower Garden. Isn't it wonderful to have a living tribute to those we love and miss so much?
  23. Today is Mothers Day. I awoke to a terrible dream of my dad who passed away in February 2018. I have had dreams of him in the past, ever since he died. I am always hugging him and never want to let go. I awake crying, realizing he is gone. This morning I awoke crying, it was the strangest dream, he was in a nursing home. I was hugging him but instead of his face, He had a "snout" like a dogs, so weird? He could not talk to me..suddenly it dissappeared and we were talking again. I was waving across a long room to my mom and aunt Dot who were just looking at me? Then I had to stop hugging my dad and had to leave. It seems in all my dreams I am holding onto my dad but then I have to let go and I wake up crying. Today was especially disturbing, so much so that I am afraid to go to sleep because I will wake up crying and mourning him all over again. Sigh, my mom says she has never even dreamed of my dad and they were married over 60 years! I am under a great deal of stress being her caregiver and trying to fill the void left when my dad passed away. Does anyone else have such dreams? It's dreams like this, or that I am lost trying to find my way back home...what is wrong with me?
  24. I am so sorry for your loss. No one here knows what you are going through, we only know what we have experienced and to give support from our own places of loss and grief. This is an amazing place with wonderful individuals who suffer loss and are brave enough to share their pain as well as their wisdom with others. I hope that you can find comfort in knowing others understand and are here for you.
  25. Hello, sorry I have not been on here for quite a while, since before Christmas. I made it through! I want to thank everyone for the great ideas of how to deal with the loss of my Dad. It's has been difficult for everyone but especially so since my Mom and I are living without Dad here at house. We kept busy, spent time with family and missed Dad but kept on going. Valentines day is our next big challange. I think we will manage to get through that as well. I just wanted to thank everyone here. I am so grateful for this groups support.
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