Durbin

Hello Melina - I understand how you feel - it is now 14 months since the loss of my husband and it is now I feel more lonely than ever. I just do things automatically every day and I have to admit I'm fed up of people's comments on you should get a hobby etc. Unless they have experienced the loss themselves they have no idea of how you feel inside. It is the emptiness and the depression that occurs often - I tried to pull myself together the other day by going out for a short walk but I ended up in tears - it just came on unexpectedly. I feel better talking to people who have lost their husbands - in the same boat and I try to avoid couples as they do not want to understand you and keep talking about how great things are with them which hurts - they are so insensitive. Do not try to be brave but give way to your feelings - be your natural self and do not try to supress your feelings from people - never mind what they think as they have not experienced what you are going through. I send my love to you and support and a listening ear any time.

I understand so well Cheryl - I am dreading next month as it will be one year since my husband passed away from lung cancer. I have been battling on my own as I now live alone - have gone on the bus to do some shopping now and then, joined a weekly shop and lunch group every Tuesday although I am not comfortable with crowds as it was just us two when my husband was alive. I am always glad to come back home and watch TV away from everything - I feel safer I suppose. Like you I have been feeling that I should be sociable and find friends but it doesn't work that way - most people prefer to talk about themselves anyway and do not want to listen. Actually I don't care when they say you get stronger. It does not make me feel any better. I just see couples together and think how lucky they are and that makes me want to run away and hide as it hurts so much. Everyone is different - I do not have advice really except to say do what makes you feel comfortable as you are important . Take good care of yourself.

I have returned from my short break in Hampshire. The first day while waiting for the Coach to arrive was terrible as I saw I was completely alone and the other passengers had company - it was just myself without anyone. I almost felt like turning back and going home but went along with it. My first holiday alone without my husband since 9 months ago when he died from Lung cancer. I t got better the next day - saw 3 single women and I had lunch with them every evening at the hotel - I was so grateful otherwise I would have been stuck on my own feeling very miserable. Of course the last day was awful - my suitcase was lost and everyone had to wait for an hour before it turned up - it had been put on the wrong Coach. I enjoyed visiting the nice places but I was on my own and felt sad. It is very hard to go through these things. The people i.e women who are widowed will not come with me on a break as they stick to their homes. There is nothing I can do even though I've tried my best to persuade them. I have sad days when I think of the companionship and the good times we had on our holidays . I really do not like being alone. Having said that I have booked again for a weekend break on the Coach come November - a glutton for punishment. I know I have courage but I am sad and lonely nevertheless.

I understand so well. It is now 8 months ago since my husband died from lung cancer at the hospital. I've had bouts of depression on and off but mostly stays with me and everything looks bleak. I find lately that I am getting up better in the mornings as I only wanted to lie in bed and not face the day. It is a lonely path however. This site is good for us all to share as we have all been through it. People who have not had a loss cannot understand at all and will tell you to get on with your life etc. Silly people. I am having to adjust to living on my own and it is not that good I can tell you but we can only face a day at a time. I do feel for you. Just let the tears roll and perhaps one day the healing will take place and there will be less pain. It will always be with us but the terrible feeling will lessen.

I agree with Mary who said she felt alone after joining with couples and wanting the Winter months to come again. I see couples passing my window going for walks together as there is a public footpath near to my house and I feel so much hurt seeing them holding hands. I tell myself that one is bound to meet pairs on the bus or walking in town and I try telling myself not to be silly but its no good - it makes you feel very vulnerable and alone even more. Another Widow who I talk to once a week over the telephone cannot wait for the Winter to come as the summer months are worse with all the activities going on and couples telling you what a great time they have had on their holidays or what they plan to do together in their home or otherwise. There is a couple nearby who goes on like this and I now try to keep away as much as I can for their remarks hurt terribly. I miss the sharing even though my husband was ill most of the time and being alone now is no fun and unless one fights things in this world you are going to be left on your own by most people anyway. I have booked myself a short break on a Coach holiday next month doing the Jane Austen trail in Hampshire, the place of her birth. I need a break but feel a bit fearful as there will be couples on the Coach and I do not want to hear about my husband or my wife all the time doing things together. Anyway its only for 4 days so I'll get through it somehow hopefully. Its the first time for me to go alone on holiday - no other woman is interested to come so there is nothing for it but to do it alone as I am very interested in the trip itself. Wish me luck. It is now 8 months since my husband passed away from Cancer and we always went together on holidays.

Thankyou for showing me the courage to fight on instead of retreating as I sometimes feel like doing and giving up. Today I felt really down but got up and cooked some cakes - forced myself to do something. It is hard though. I cannot share with anyone any more as I tried to offer some to a neighbour and the answer is always no therefore I do not get any satisfaction of doing something for someone. Everything nowadays is done for myself and I am not that type of person really. I suppose I help an old lady friend when I visit her as she is totally blind, has vertigo and keeps falling down in her home. She is glad to see me call once a week. It is a shame as she used to be so active but now talks to a cuddly toy all the time pretending its her baby. It is now 8 months since the loss of my husband from Cancer and as you all know really its a lonely place to be in right now.

Thankyou all for replying to me - it is good to know that there are others who understand so well. To cap it all I have been let down yet again today = the couple promised to help as one part of the holder on the wall fell down and I can't screw it back on also other small little minor mishaps have occurred but true to form no one has come near. I should have known better than to ask for help. It is hard when you try to do things alone as you had support before with your partner i.e. when he wasn't ill. It is a terrible situation to be in. I lose myself in reading and watching TV as I don't get much phone calls anymore and as to visits what happened there. The loneliness is hard to bear and I definitely prefer to keep away from couples as much as I can as it is so heartbreaking to see their closeness and companionship together. It is good to communicate together on this site as we have all lost a partner or loved one. I lost my parents - my father at the age of 12 years and my mother was killed on the road - I was 38 years of age then and this was a terrible blow. I do not have any brothers or sisters but I have 3 children - two are far away and one is nearer but I only see her once a week if I'm lucky. Things have changed today not like it used to be - the caring has disappeared.

There has just been one advantage to my life since my husband passed away from Cancer seven and a half months ago. I am able to get out of bed easier in the mornings than I used to. Now for the worst things: Whenever I go out and I see couples together holding hands or looking at one another I am devastated and glad to get back home. I cannot bear them saying my wife and I do this or go there or vice versa. I feel like saying please shut up as I can't bear it. I am off on a short break alone for the first time next month - have never ventured alone before as we were always together going away on holidays or shopping or dining out and so on. I have given up on people who will not come with me anywhere or even come in to have a cup of tea with me - they are always busy busy busy - not interested really if the truth be told. Once you are alone that is it - the message is get on with it. Life can be so cruel or rather people do not want to get in touch anymore. Oh yes I have tried phoning but the couple who used to come in to see both my husband and myself have now got on with their own lives and I detect that the wife does not want to any more as I am now on my own without a partner. I'm afraid I am getting past caring and so angry with people even though I don't show it. It seems to me that alone one has to fight and battle for everything - you are left on a scrap heap. Please do not tell me to have a hobby as I have had several hobbies and done things with my life = I just need a bit of kindness and understanding. I'm not a clingy person anyway.

I like you am 71 years of age, widowed now for 7 and a half months. I lost my husband to Cancer of the lung and was caring for him. It is a very lonely state to be in and everyone seems to have gone and left you on your own - the support that was is no longer around. I live alone, have 3 children and sometimes they phone but often they are very busy with their lives - I never see my grandchildren. Two of my children live away but I do not see my daughter who lives only 5 miles away. She does phone though. I hate it when I go out and seeing couples our age together - it hurts. I prefer to come home and not see couples at all. I have had bad days when I do not want to go on but I try - it is a battle at times, so difficult as I live alone now. I know there are others like us and this is why it is good to offload here with the discussion groups. I prayed and the answer was live just one day at a time - it is enough to go through right now. My thoughts are with you.

It has been 5 months now since I lost my husband to lung cancer. He died in the hospital the next night after I called the ambulance the night before. I'm finding it difficult emotionally as I went out yesterday for a brief moment to the shop and the memory returned of where we used to sit in the cafe there. This has happened a lot recently - seeing where he used to park the car in a certain place. I hate going out because of all the memories it invokes and seeing couples our own age still together hand in hand. My partner was 84 years of age and he is now free from all the pain I know but I am hurt inside all the time - the heart is heavy and people can be so insensitive e.g. they say things like my husband and I are off on holiday and we are going to enjoy ourselves. I could kick them. I have had a lot of comments like this. I am 71 years of age and live on my own now and I certainly know what loneliness is - its terrible. Yes I try to get about but wherever I go or whatever I do he is not with me any more as we used to do everything together - shop, travel, dine out etc. I am so depressed and families really do not understand what it is like. The only people who understand are the ones who have lost their loved one.

I understand perfectly Melina. I lost my husband to lung cancer 5 months ago and I have tried getting out with a group of women once a week on the bus but I feel even lonelier as they prattle on about their families and where they are off to on their holidays. Some are so insensitive - they are not really interested in your feelings. Its very hard going and I would like to have things back as they were - lovely companionship and doing the things we used to do together. I am often depressed - not surprising is it. Keep in touch.

I find that the longer the days go by the harder it is to come to terms with the loss of my husband now 4 months ago. The other day I thought I'd get out of the house and go for a little walk along the footpath but as I walked the tears started to flow unexpectedly. I'd been looking up at the mountain in the distance. I then heard voices and a couple approached and passed me on the path - they were about the same age as myself - in the 70's. I felt more depressed because they were still together for I know they are husband and wife. I feel I cannot share anymore with a partner - the loss is terrible and everywhere I go I see couples the same age as myself which makes me feel worse. At the present time I cannot cope with happy couples although I don't mind young people. I am now completely alone and the phone doesn't ring so much for everyone has been getting on with their lives and the message is loud and clear if I phone. They are always busy - at the beginning it was all supportive but now it is very clear to me that they want you to carry on with your life. What life? - a life with an aching heart all the time. Nothing seems to work - I do my best to get about whenever I can by going on buses as I do not drive but I'm always glad to come home and draw the blinds in the evening. There is no one to ask if they want some tea or coffee anymore. Feeling sad every day now.

It is three and a half months since my husband passed away from lung cancer and I feel the loss keenly as I now live entirely alone without anyone to talk to. I have had several advice handed out to me - go here, do that, take up a hobby and so on. I have found out after trying to see what is out there in the worlds for me that I do not care for the things that are on offer such as activities. I am a lady of 71 years of age and have a chronic chest condition called Bronchiectasis and I am on medication so I do not want to jump around doing line dancing, keep fit etc. I do go to my local library once a month as I love reading. I also watch TV in the evenings. I find however that wherever I go, say on a bus as I do not drive I feel alone or if I go out for a short walk as I cannot walk far, I am always alone. What hurts the most is to see couples my age together in shops, out and about and they can share companionship together. My husband and I used to do everything together - travel, shopping, eating out when he was well and now its all gone. The other day I was at a supermarket and tears started to well up as I could only see the food that he used to like. We were married for almost 24 years bar 10 days and I was his carer. He was ill for a considerable time - had diabetes, operations i.e. anneurisms in the groin and in the main aorta, knee operations, couldn't walk much etc. It is very lonely now - I have 3 children but two live away so I don't see them. I do go with my youngest daughter to do some shopping sometimes but she is very busy with her family and is in full time work. I need to find somethingi.e. to feel some contentment again within not just trying this or that and not really liking it.