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Grief Healing Discussion Groups

jesjniles

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  • Posts

    1
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Previous Fields

  • Date of Death
    01/21/2012
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    na

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    eaton, ny
  1. I have come to the conclusion this year for me is suppose to be a lifetime movie. To start the year off i had to admit my son to a psychiatric hospital. He was bullied in school and wanted to die. He was also still having trouble dealing with his biological mother's death. She died of leukemia. I get him home and less than 2 weeks later my family awoke to find my 2 year old daughter dead in her bed. She was happily playing the night before, but had died in her sleep from an undetected heart condition. Every day is a struggle and i am in more pain than i can bear. my heart hurts. I have 3 amazing boys who need me right now but I can;t manage to be the strong mother i need to be. I am barely making it through this. Some days I don't think I will make it. I know my children and my faith ar what is keeping me alive. My boys need me and I know if I were to commit suicide I would never be able to see my beautiful daughter again. These thoughts are what keep me going. Then this past week the 16 year old young man who lived next door decided he could not live anymore and hung himself. My boys found him and I had to break the news to his parents and help cut him down. This young man was very close to my family. My boys looked up to him like a big brother. I even looked him as family. I can't help but be angry with him though. We already had enough difficulties in our lives and now we have to deal with this. I also feel sorry for what could have been going through his mind. I don't sleep, my kids keep having nightmares. I have developed a claustrophobia case. I can't stay in a room for too long without it feeling like it is closing in. I can't stop crying. My mind will not shut off. I do not know what to do for myself, my family, or in general.
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