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Grief Healing Discussion Groups

twinmom

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  • Posts

    2
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Previous Fields

  • Date of Death
    7 July 2011
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    na

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    portland oregon
  1. That might make sense on the possibility that she can no longer blame him - I did research some free grief support groups and I will try to talk to her tomorrow. thank you for the link on the caregive thing, she is still quite active, drives, goes to the gym, plays golf etc. Unfortunately, as much as I love her, she has always been very dramatic (I will never ever see you again type thing) and it's just gotten worse. I ring her every single day and my heart is always in my mouth as I never know what type of mood she will be in. She has dramatically threatened suicide before and it's just so awful that I don't know what to do. I was thinking of calling her priest tomorrow, but don't know if that would annoy her more.
  2. Background - my father passed away last July. My mother and he had a terrible marriage and only stayed together for the "kids", then couldn't afford to live apart. He passed away after a brief illness, but had made my mothers life very difficult. For the last 20 years, they just cohabited together with seperate lives - different bedrooms and even different tv rooms. I did not have a good relationship with him (not did my brother) - he was mean, selfish and just not a very nice person to us or anyone else. Nonetheless, I did and still do grieve for him. I also did grieve for the father I never had, but I did forgive him before he passed away and was present when he died. My mother who is 73 is struggling - she grieved for him and then seeemed to be coming out the other side, however her personality has changed - she has these huge temper flares, is very angry at everything and bitter (in a way, I feel it's almost like she's become him) - she was never like this. If she sees someone getting something - anything, a new car or going away on vacation - she is bitter/angry about it and resentful. (She's not poor, but does have to be careful with her money - and I help her out every month and try to slip her some $$ when I can) She drinks and takes anti-depressants - that was out of control, but she seems to be functioning and not drinking too much (and yes, I know she shouldn't be doing both - but she's my mother and not a child, I can't control that plus she lives thousands of miles away) All she does is fight with me or my brother and when I try to come to his defense on something, she then fights with me and it's all "nobody loves me" and "what did I do to deserve this" "noone does anything for me" - when we do do a lot. It's all negative to her -she sees no positive in anyone and I feel she enjoys being a widow and the sympathy? I hope no-one thinks this is a terrible thing, but I just don't know what to do. It feels like everything is about her - I have tried and tried to talk to her, to tell her to enjoy life and what is left, that she is lucky, she has her health, her house and 2 children who love her dearly. The person that I described is not the mother I used to have, and I don't know how to help her. She has changed so so much - right now, she is not speaking to either of us. I asked her to get help about a month or two ago - someone to talk to about this, she said it was all nonsense, since then she's had 2 knockdown screaming fights with us, saying extremely hurtful things (that are hard to forgive) Is this normal? Will my mother return to herself, how do I approach this with her, she truly believes she is the victim in all this. I love her to pieces and I don't know what to do - she's turned into a stranger Pls help - someone? N,
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