ANC1117

Happy Birthday to you Kay... my sister's is today and mine was yesterday. Many blessings from one Libra to another. Anthony

My Celene left just aa few weeks before our anniversary, friends and family thought we were not ment to last. Perhaps there is a pattern. I recall the first anniversary without her was so numbing, the second one I made it special for the memory of our life we shared. Mary, I hope you had great memories of Mike on your anniversary day. Anthony

Happy Easter to all as well. I have not visited our church in some time. As I knelt to pray, I asked that there be peace to us all. Have a blessed day everyone. Anthony

Anne, Fae, and Mary, The wedding went fine and during the ceromony I thought of Celene. I looked up in the trees as the wind was blowing the leaves, wondering if that was Celene letting me know she was there. During the reception, my nepher and daughter brought a joyful tear to my eyes as they recalled how special Celene was and her special laughter at all the right moments. Both my SIL asked me how I was doing and when I explaned how the past week has been, they both reminissed how they too had been missing Celene and the memories they shared. The night turned out to be a healing moment for me. Thank you all for keeping me in your prayers and thoughts. Anthony

This last week has been a major grief emotional week. Ive cried, got angry, and even felt the need for solitude. I tried to determine why out of the blue I was experiencing these emotions. Then it hit me: my niece's wedding happening today; last week I received the notification of a long ago friend's life celebration ceremony this Saturday; I received a birthday invitation for a great friend of mine son's birthday that is also this Saturday; and Easter being this Sunday. With all these celebrations of: new beginnings; life present; life past; and resurrection of life, I must be longing for my loss of life. A life I knew for almost half my life. Now I have the unknown of how my presence at the events this weekend will be. I feel a sense of uncertainty that I am troubled with. I have always celebrated with joy at such events and now I am not sure what emotions I am feeling. At any moment my feeling change from joy to sadness, to anger, to jealousy, to loneliness, to... I am sure I will survive this weekend, I also know how emotionally drained I will be too. Anthony

Mary, I pray that Bill's love will fill your heart today, and the memories you both shared bring peace to your soul. You are in my thoughts today. Hugs and compassion, Anthony

fae, She is truly a gift. I pray that she will meet a young man who will love her with the same unconditional and overwhelming love I had/have for her mother. Anthony

Kay, I sometimes will pick up the phone to "vent" to Celene and realize at that moment... she is gone. It usually ends with me pounding my fist and crying out why?, how come? After my moment of grief anger, I realize that she is hearing my vent, in my heart. It is my physical side that misses those moments of hardships and celebration. Fae, thank you for the kindness. I am so blessed to have Ciara in my life. She is a daily reminder of Celene, and the love we shared. Family was a big reason for our being and we loved being examples of that love for all to witness. I am amazed at how my heart is filled with joy when I hear Ciara's laughter. Perhaps knowing she is in good spirits makes my heart feel at ease. Anthony

Anne, Thank you. I worry that being very busy will not allow me enough time to grief. I can recall how early on, after Celene's passing, I consumed my time and didn't allow myself to grief. Then one day... blam zing, it hit me hard and set me back. I have found myself missing Celene more now than ever. I think it is due to the fact that she was so much of my business support and celebration. Anthony

Thank you Kay, I jokingly reply when explaining the new "President" title: "It may seem like a sudden business change, considering I had over 17 years to prepare myself for the day it came". Anthony

Thank you all for your messages as my journey continues. Just a quick update as to my absence here over the last few months. For Christmas, my daughter Ciara booked us on a 7-day cruise of the Western Caribbean. We enjoyed our drive through Texas and left out of Galveston. Visited the ports of Montego Bay Jamaica, Grand Cayman, and Cozumel Mexico. Two days after we returned, my father announced his retirement and informed me that he signed all of the company over to me. Talk about overload. I have been blessed in the work arena with several contracts, and that has allowed me to hire back some of our employees from years ago.They have helped me to share stories of Celene; she was the one who interviewed/hired/fired employees during their previous employment. During the first week of March, Ciara and I were asked to join very good friends in San Diego, California. Our friend lost her mother 6-months prior to Celene's passing, and every year they rent a place on Mission Beach's boardwalk. Her mother enjoyed Mission/Pacific Beach and would vacation there with her children/grandchildren often. Celene loved San Diego also and that brought up several emotional memories for me. I did however: wake up early every morning, made a cup of coffee, grabbed my journal, sat on the beach just feet away from the surf, and wrote to Celene about our many memories and my current issues of missing her in my life. Keeping up with Celene's annual St. Patrick's Day Party, Ciara and I invited several friends over to join us in a celebration; Celene was part Irish, so you can imagine the great party we put together every year. When Celene passed, I hired a yard guy to take care of the landscape maintenance. Lately he has been faltering, so the Saturday morning, prior to the party, I did the yard work. It was the first time in over 18-months since I last did the yard work and I found it quite therapeutic. Voices in my head echoed Celene's comments as to the way she always liked "My Way" of cutting/trimming the lawn and how nice it always looked afterward. The Tsunamis still come and go and I still find the "Pajama Days" to be refreshing for me. I still find the biggest challenges to be my longing for Celene's companionship. When I try to explain how I miss the companionship, my friends just don't get it. they think I am just talking about my "Man Desires". I'm not sure if they realize that there is a lot more to a relationship than the sex, or perhaps that is all their relationships are. Anthony My daughter Ciara and Me

Sorry to hear the news Kay, Prayers and thoughts Anthony

Cy, You are in my thoughts and prayers. Anthony

Pumpkin, Thank you for sharing your day. I visit Marty's site to look at the movie list and forgot to visit the music links. Thank you Marty for all you do. Anthony

Dear Jn715, I am sorry for your loss. It took me almost 8 months to find this site and once I did, my real healing began. My Celene passed 16 months ago and I continue to feel her absence in my life. I remember the first few months and can relate to your pain, as all of us here can. You will find that all of us here share our own experiences and you will find that very helpful in your time healing. Please be sure to take care of yourself and keep in mind that you are in all of our thoughts. Prayers and compassion, Anthony