Jump to content


  • Content count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by enna

  1. Poetry

    WOW! This just took my breath away...
  2. Meditation

    DAILY MEDITATION An Honest Being-With March 15 Photo courtesy of V. Dobson Being with a friend in great pain is not easy. It makes us uncomfortable. We do not know what to do or what to say, and we worry about how to respond to what we hear. Our temptation is to say things that come more out of our own fear than out of our care for the person in pain. Sometimes we say things like "Well, you're doing a lot better than yesterday," or "You will soon be your old self again," or "I'm sure you will get over this." But often we know that what we're saying is not true, and our friends know it too. We do not have to play games with each other. We can simply say: "I am your friend, I am happy to be with you." We can say that in words or with touch or with loving silence. Sometimes it is good to say: "You don't have to talk. Just close your eyes. I am here with you, thinking of you, praying for you, loving you."
  3. Maui Pasta Arizona made it at last

    Finally, the place is so inviting. I look forward to my first meal there and to visit with both of you. I'm all set to taste Patty's Alfredo sauce. I agree with you Steve ~ it is a very spiritual place and I'm so glad it's right here in Arizona. The paintings are so nice. Anne
  4. Oh, Karen, I'm so glad you have the dentist behind you. Now for the healing. Sounds like you have a good dentist. I hope you heal quickly and that the pain eases up. Anne
  5. Significant Quotes

    Sometimes it's better to be positive...even when you keep getting knocked down.
  6. I just watched this again and wanted to post it after a few years ago ~ excellent.
  7. Hi Katie, Of course, your heart and soul are aching. And it absolutely is not acceptable to lose a child let alone four. This is not something that needs to be” fixed” and I’m sorry you feel that Allen is trying to “fix” things… I am sure he is not but perhaps only trying to support you in your deep pain. I believe that Mother loss can only be understood by a mother and cannot be compared to any other loss. I know how much you love each one of your children and Caleb and Ryan will continue to give you a run for any energy you have or don’t have. Know that we have you in our thoughts and prayers. We are always here to listen. Anne
  8. Someone sent this to me and I find that it says pretty much how I feel and probably how anyone who lost a spouse or significant other might feel. I'm with you Gin about the evening hours ~ even after almost six years I still have those moments that going on seems pointless. We do go on because that is what we do. I know nothing will ever be like it was when Jim was here. I accept that. I talk about my grief and make some people uncomfortable when I do. I know there are no answers as to how I'm going to live this different life but there are things I can do about it. When I get up in the morning I am grateful to have another day. It doesn't mean that I like how it is going to go but it does mean that I have a chance to do something even if it seems pointless. I have been doing more volunteering because it fills part of my day. I read and meditate even though I don't know if it will help me in this different life. I try to find at least one thing I do each day that takes me outdoors. I love my yard and the area I live in gives me opportunities to enjoy nature. I also have a hobby that fills up some hours of my day. There will always be a hole in my heart. We do what we can to make the best of things.
  9. Significant Quotes

    At some point in our lives, we all feel anxious. It's always a good thing to be pro-active and follow some of the suggestions.
  10. I am so very sorry that your Grandma passed away today. We will be here for you.
  11. Someone who inspired me in my early months of grief and who reminded me that it is always important to tell those you love that you do love them. I miss her wit, and her ability to make us laugh. Every time I see a roll of toilet paper it reminds me of the gifts that Darcie Sims shared with us. I still have a little box on my fireplace that I use to add a positive thought of the gifts I do have. “Thanks for the Little While…” and thank you, Alan Pedersen, for the song. Remembering...
  12. Meditation

    I use this video as background music for my meditation hour. View it in full screen and allow yourselves to relax to the beauty around the coral reef. Just be in the present moment and if you can't do the hour try 15 or 30 or 45 minutes.
  13. Significant Quotes

    Grief is part of us...
  14. Nagging 20/20 guilt over loss of dog

    The story of your precious furbaby touched my heart. Thank you for sharing it. I am sorry that you had to go through this very difficult loss. Does your precious boxer boy have a name and do you have a picture to share. We are many pet lovers here and it is so comforting to share our pet stories. Your story says that he was a very loved boy.
  15. Mary Jane, is this the song? It is beautiful.
  16. Oh Allen and Katie, I can only imagine how very confused you are right now about your dad’s love for you but we do know how very much he did love you. In my opinion, it is perfectly normal for you to be questioning everything right now. One significant loss is almost unbearable for us to comprehend let alone multiple losses. Let me share one thing about your dad that I found about him over the last years. Your dad and I have been emailing ever since your mom passed. He struggled with her death and the love he had for her always came through in his emails or in what he shared on the forum. Your dad had tremendous love for his family. His struggles were inside himself. He was so proud of you, Allen, and he truly loved you, Katie. His heart tore opened a little each time there was a death of one of your precious babies ~ his grandbabies. At times he was not even able to put into words the ache he was feeling. I believe that only a very deep love would be capable of this. He worked so hard in trying to understand all the multiple losses in such a short period of time. I believe that at times like this there are no words that can comfort us rather what is needed is a willingness to listen. Most of us do not have advice to offer during a time like this but we do have hearts that can open to each other and listen. I am here for you as are others on the forum. We will listen even though we will not be able to answer most of the questions you and Katie have. I will continue to carry your family in my heart as you walk through this very dark place right now. Light will come because of the love you have for each other. I love the pictures of the kids that you share with us. Anne
  17. Meditation

    DAILY MEDITATION Becoming Kind February 4 Photo courtesy of SDGimagery.com Kindness is a beautiful human attribute. When we say, "She is a kind person" or "He surely was kind to me," we express a very warm feeling. In our competitive and often violent world, kindness is not the most frequent response. But when we encounter it we know that we are blessed. Is it possible to grow in kindness, to become a kind person? Yes, but it requires discipline. To be kind means to treat another person as your "kin," your intimate relative. We say, "We are kin" or "He is next of kin." To be kind is to reach out to someone as being of "kindred" spirit. Here is the great challenge: All people, whatever their color, religion, or sex, belong to humankind and are called to be kind to one another, treating one another as brothers and sisters. There is hardly a day in our lives in which we are not called to this.
  18. “Grief is such an involved, crazy thing. Every day is something different. Not different in a good way. Don't be surprised if tomorrow you feel completely different. I hope tomorrow is a better day!” ~ Gin I like what Gin has said in response to your post, Gwen. I am sure that how you are feeling right now will change tomorrow. That is how grief is. Even after five years, I find myself puzzled by how I’m still going from disbelief that my Jim is gone and wondering how I’m going to continue on without him. The quiet we experience is almost unbearable at times. I do not think it matters if we have support from family or friends or not because we are still alone in a home that was shared by our spouses. I wish I could say it changes but it doesn’t. When one loses a significant other who has been a major part of our adult lives no matter how much we try to adjust it just doesn’t happen. We remain alone. To me, this does not mean I have to be lonely. Yes, we are alone but there are things we can do about it. I get up in the morning and get dressed and take care of whatever has to be done for that day. Sometimes it might be just going to the store for whatever and other times it might mean volunteering at a senior home for an hour or two. Other times it is so hard that I spend most of the day under the covers. I have passed that time where I think Jim might come in the door any minute. I have even gotten so angry with him that as you said I’d like to erase him from my mind. That is only a fleeting moment though because he had given me so many wonderful memories that I find I focus on those memories more now. Tomorrow I may be right back to being angry with him. Grief does that. It’s like that damn rollercoaster people talk about ~ sometimes we are OK and other times we are not. One thing I do know, Gwen, is that these feelings do pass and we find ourselves going through yet another day ~ alone. It may not be as hard as it was a few days ago but we manage to carry on for that is what we do. Sending you and others who are going through tough times a hug today.
  19. We all appreciate all that you do and are so grateful to you for having this safe place to come to. Enjoy your day.
  20. This is my opinion only and is not in any way directed at anyone. In my awkward way, I am only expressing my own thoughts as I deal with my own grief of Butch’s suicide. I believe that to keep adding new threads will only isolate us when that is the last thing we need as we deal with our grief. In the early months of the loss of my beloved Jim I only went to the thread Loss of Spouse…it was only later that I started to read what others are going through in other threads and in doing so I found comfort in the discussions. Most of us have all experienced different losses and what I found was that when I visited a different thread I began to respond to someone who was going through a very recent loss ~ the loss of a parent, the loss of a child, the loss of a precious animal, behaviors in grief, anticipatory grief, etc…reading what someone posted found me responding to something that touched my heart and I found myself able to share my own experiences. One of the things I have learned about grief is that it is not isolated into categories rather it is a universal word that means something that touches our very souls. Yes, different losses demand attention in different areas but the grief is the same. My example of what I am trying to say is what happened when our Butch took his life a short time ago. I have been with him for most of his time here on our forum. He had suffered tremendous losses during these last few years. His story can be read elsewhere for those interested but for me, it does not need to be isolated for his story is not only about suicide. His story is about loss ~ the loss of his beloved Mary, the loss of his grandchildren, and the loss of family members before his Mary’s death. If I had not gone from reading only about the loss of my Jim I would not have had the privilege of meeting the warm, caring, sensitive man Butch was. I would not have gotten to know members of his family and smiled at the precious antics of his grandchildren. Who can forget those precious photos? Perhaps because I have lived a long time and I have experienced many different losses I am able to empathize with those who find themselves here who have recently lost a parent or a spouse, or a sibling, or a friend, or a pet, or who are anticipating the loss of someone important in their lives, or who are struggling with their own thoughts at this time. I feel very honored to have shared their grief on this forum. I believe it has made me a better person. It was a while before I found myself reading the different threads under Loss and Grief on our main page that I began my journey of healing. My grief will always be with me and now I am doing something about it. “Knowledge is Power” and reading about our grief does give us the power we need to first of all deal with our own grief and then perhaps walk with someone else who is new to it. We never know what someone might say that is just what we needed to hear. Butch’s suicide has touched me deeply. I am struggling since this is the first person I have known who took his own life. Because I got to know Butch as a person and walked with him through many of his losses he is more to me than a person who died by suicide. I will now work to understand what happens when someone as special as Butch was makes the decision to think that his way was the best way. I am glad that I know Allen, Butch’s son, and Katie, Butch’s DIL, because I will continue to be here for them ~ not only because someone I know has chosen to end his life but because I have others I know who have lost parents and children and who need our continued support that we are able to give because this forum is here for us who after all are “family” in a very special way. With Love, Anne
  21. My sister, Donna

    As Butch said Kay you have been here for us and now you need to know that we are here for you. I am so sorry you are going through this. Know that Donna is in my prayers and we hold you in our hearts. Anne