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  • Birthday 12/22/1948

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  • Location (city, state)
    scottsdale, arizona
  • Interests
    Kathy taught me how to love and will remain in my heart for all time. Only because of what she taught me can I love once again.
    I am Patty's biggest fan. She teaches me courage.

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  • Your relationship to the individual who died
  • Date of Death
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    sherman house/phoenix, arizona

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  1. Gracie

    I suppose you never stop aching for them Butch. I certainly don't. It warms our hearts to see the picture of your bride. It reminds me of how I wondered.........."who would have seen this coming".
  2. Kay we are sorry to have missed your birthday but Happy birthday from us just the same. Hopefully in two months we will have more time to read up on what is going on here. Patty and Steve
  3. Simultaneous Grief and Love

    Those days are always hard Polly. In the future it will happen again that something will need to be dealt with that connects you to Richard and with that comes a flood of memories. I have learned to appreciate those times because it reminds me of just how important they were and still are in our lives. That love never ends. "ever" We could write chapters about this subject right? To love again, to live again is a very big deal. If there is one thing that gets me it is the fear of loss. We tend to be gun shy when we've lost before and lost with such pain. The hard part is allowing yourself to be vulnerable. I know I keep referencing the book "The Road Less Traveled" but in it is a chapter "Risk of Loss". I know that you cannot love without risking loss. How you accept that is thing. For me, that is my biggest challenge. There are people right here on this site who are grieving for the second time. Is it courage or perhaps just not stopping our inner voice? I know I have very little courage. I also know I allow things to just happen. Kathy always said, "If it was meant to be, then it will be". I get that now. When I surrender myself to fate or destiny, life does indeed happen. In fact, no matter what we do or feel, life will continue to happen.
  4. Simultaneous Grief and Love

    It looks like we have a place secured and the POD with Patty's kitchen in it is being delivered to the space tomorrow. That of course means the horses will leave the gate and we will understand what "busy" looks like. Speaking of anniversaries, we never get over them no matter how long it goes on. Those are days we should remember with love and joy as the day they chose to spend the rest of their lives with us. You would think it hard with a complicated life of new marriage and love but somehow it is not. It does however bring about a feeling of joy more than sadness. I remember two years ago I was in Maui for my anniversary. I know I had driven past Maui Pasta during that time unaware what was soon to happen. I was not yet connected to a man inside who was soon to die of cancer yet not even aware of it. I only new my own loss being on the island knowing it was one of Kathy's favorite places on earth. Funny how lives are connected and destined for something so incredible. I had only been there once on Kathy's fiftieth birthday and if not for her most likely would never have been there. It is interesting to think about the two of us both with our hearts torn out and never looking to find another love yet brought together on this very grief support website.
  5. Simultaneous Grief and Love

    So much has happened since I last posted and free time has become quite a rare commodity. Hopefully we will have time in the future but opening Maui Pasta is no small task. Hopefully we will have a lease that we can live with by the end of next week. Patty is understandably gun shy when it comes to landlords. I wonder why. In dealing with simultaneous grief and love we had our first experience when my wedding anniversary came up. So we went out to dinner instead of years of me going out by myself. Those days will still come and they will always be a part of our lives so it helps that we can be together for each other. I am grateful that I do not have to deny that part of my life. This Saturday we will go out to celebrate the one year anniversary of the day we met. That would be the day before last years art auction. I cannot believe how fast this year has gone. Who would believe that all this could happen.
  6. Birthday

    Yes Tom that first year birthday is tough. I would never have made it if not for my family and since it was also Christmas which was so important to Kathy and I that I got through the whole season. (lot of tears but I got through it.) Sometimes we have to lean on others to survive. And that's just okay. Happy birthday.....just the same.
  7. Gracie

    Sometimes things don't make sense. We are so sorry for you Butch and your family
  8. I love that cause it is so true. Some time in the past I looked in the mirror after months of tears and I didn't even recognize the face as being me. Years after that I looked in the mirror and realized that I looked different. I was a product of Steve and Kathy. She changed my face. Grief changed my face but I don't mind the mileage. It spoke to a man in love with an angel. Somehow I see her in my own image. Or do you think that years of grief made me go mad?
  9. I know what you mean George. Kathy made me a better person. No one else could ever have gotten to me like that but I took away those lessons she taught me and try to hold onto them still. By my third year of being widowed I started to notice I was slipping back into some old behavior patterns. I didn't have her with me any longer to give me reason to try harder. I became angry with my lazy self for I knew I was a better person than who I was returning to. I stopped the trend and held on to why I liked being who she helped me become. Now I am changing again. I am with a person who elevates me even higher for it comes with understanding what love and beauty is. And I want it. I look across a room at my new wife and wonder where I will be tomorrow. When I was a younger man I hated change. Now I embrace it and I love how life keeps evolving around me. I remember a saying I first came upon in those early weeks of my grief's journey. It said in part that I will survive until I survive and one day I will find myself alive again. I find myself now still very much alive. Yes George the best way to honor Rose Anne is to let her see you growing in life. We must never give up for one day we will discover that we are indeed alive again and that can put a big smile on your face even if it comes with a tear in your eye.
  10. Bad day

    Thinking of you Butch. Our prayers are with you and your family. Patty and Steve
  11. That's a really good thought. Once you have been there yourself you always wonder what any stranger might be enduring. One who has never lost someone would never think to cut a person some slack. I wore my brides engagement ring around my neck for a while after she died and most people recognized why I did that. They tend to give you a little kindness when they know you are grieving. It doesn't work on every person though. There are always those kind of jerks. Someone posted this before on our site but it rings quite true in this case too.
  12. Thank you Marty and do stay safe. We are all here for each other.
  13. Things change so quickly. It looks like Irma is now going to effect Sarasota big time.
  14. I am married again but the ring stays on and so does my brides ring from her marriage. So the four of us are connected and it could never have been any other way. When Patty and I married on a beach last month the reverend said something I specifically asked he not. He said "Till death do you part". I actually smiled holding back a laugh thinking how little he knew. A ring is a symbol. It says so many things but the most important thing it says to me is "For all of time". I never took that ring off after Kathy died except for Patty to have it engraved and I replaced a stone in Ron's ring to Patty so we share those rings between the four of us. It seems so right. It feels so right because it was Kathy and Ron who brought us together.
  15. Parallel Lives, by Kelley Lynn

    Oh how I get this. I am living in a foursome too.. And I look at Kathy's urn on Patty's dresser along with a piece of Ron's ashes and I think about the odyssey that I am on. The one big, big, big advantage I have is that I am fortunate to be able to share that journey with another person lost forever in their love for someone they love so deeply. You realize that you have become part of something bigger than yourself. It's a sharing without feeling jealous. If anything the love for Kathy and Ron just leads us deeper into a love between the two of us. Polly you wonder if they had anything to do with you meeting? Let me just say I believe it. I saw it in dreams. I felt it in waking moments. We still feel their presence about us. Being the fatalist that I am, I know in my heart that there is a reason for all this. I just don't get to know the specifics. I gave up questioning why months ago. I'm just living the dream.