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  • Birthday 12/22/1948

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  • Location (city, state)
    scottsdale, arizona
  • Interests
    Kathy taught me how to love and will remain in my heart for all time. Only because of what she taught me can I love once again.
    I am Patty's biggest fan. She teaches me courage.

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  • Your relationship to the individual who died
  • Date of Death
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    sherman house/phoenix, arizona

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  1. Significant Quotes

    I love this. I once felt during my grief's journey that I would never be happy again. Grief can bring that thought to mind yet I remember a time long ago when I believed doing the right thing in life would bring happiness as a bi product if I may. Grief allowed me to forget that for sorrow can be so severe that we just want the pain to end. Perhaps it could be as simple as getting back into the work of life and then tired at the end of day we can sit back and feel happy for what we have done. This reminds me of something my airplane mechanic said at the end of a very hard day of work that just took so much to get right. (I remember having quite a few cuts on my hands). He said "All in a days work" as he looked at my airplane with a very slight smile on his face, a smile I noticed. It took Kathy's death for me to realize I was here to evolve.
  2. Pining

    For what it's worth Gin, it was in my fourth year that I first felt Kathy's presence, I mean her physical touch and it coincided with the time I realized that I was no longer Steve and Kathy but simply Steve. I was letting go of some of the anguish that I feel may have been blocking her from reaching me. I can't be certain of course. I just feel it was so. If only we had all the answers but grief doesn't quite work that way. I truly believe that Al, Kathy, and every other soul continues to exist on the other side. They may be closer to us than we think. Butch I get the dancing part and how you miss it. I loved dancing with Kathy for we simply got better with time. I once said I would never dance again but I was wrong.
  3. 3 years today

    Gwen perhaps you will find as I have that each year things will hit you differently than before. Some years it doesn't hurt as much yet some years it hurts like it was yesterday. Not much sense to why that happens but it sure does for me. Those are profound words indeed Kay. I am not the same as I was. I will never be. That man before he lost his wife will never return. I strive to better myself with what I still am almost like starting all over again. You know? Kathy always told me that change was good. When a favorite thing in my life was destroyed she would say "We'll get something new". She felt that life was an evolution and you never go back. I had such a hard time, such a hard time accepting that when it included her death. Nothing lost could ever compare to that one. Nothing. Yet the philosophy , her philosophy, has merit. I just struggle to accept it. I would like to say that even though I have found love again I sure haven't escaped the pain of loss. Neither has my bride who hurts just as I do. Last night was her husbands Ron's birthday and we still took time to celebrate mixed with laughs and tears. Life goes on with the past as a constant companion. It can be no other way if you still love them.
  4. Gracie

    I suppose you never stop aching for them Butch. I certainly don't. It warms our hearts to see the picture of your bride. It reminds me of how I wondered.........."who would have seen this coming".
  5. Kay we are sorry to have missed your birthday but Happy birthday from us just the same. Hopefully in two months we will have more time to read up on what is going on here. Patty and Steve
  6. Simultaneous Grief and Love

    Those days are always hard Polly. In the future it will happen again that something will need to be dealt with that connects you to Richard and with that comes a flood of memories. I have learned to appreciate those times because it reminds me of just how important they were and still are in our lives. That love never ends. "ever" We could write chapters about this subject right? To love again, to live again is a very big deal. If there is one thing that gets me it is the fear of loss. We tend to be gun shy when we've lost before and lost with such pain. The hard part is allowing yourself to be vulnerable. I know I keep referencing the book "The Road Less Traveled" but in it is a chapter "Risk of Loss". I know that you cannot love without risking loss. How you accept that is thing. For me, that is my biggest challenge. There are people right here on this site who are grieving for the second time. Is it courage or perhaps just not stopping our inner voice? I know I have very little courage. I also know I allow things to just happen. Kathy always said, "If it was meant to be, then it will be". I get that now. When I surrender myself to fate or destiny, life does indeed happen. In fact, no matter what we do or feel, life will continue to happen.
  7. Simultaneous Grief and Love

    It looks like we have a place secured and the POD with Patty's kitchen in it is being delivered to the space tomorrow. That of course means the horses will leave the gate and we will understand what "busy" looks like. Speaking of anniversaries, we never get over them no matter how long it goes on. Those are days we should remember with love and joy as the day they chose to spend the rest of their lives with us. You would think it hard with a complicated life of new marriage and love but somehow it is not. It does however bring about a feeling of joy more than sadness. I remember two years ago I was in Maui for my anniversary. I know I had driven past Maui Pasta during that time unaware what was soon to happen. I was not yet connected to a man inside who was soon to die of cancer yet not even aware of it. I only new my own loss being on the island knowing it was one of Kathy's favorite places on earth. Funny how lives are connected and destined for something so incredible. I had only been there once on Kathy's fiftieth birthday and if not for her most likely would never have been there. It is interesting to think about the two of us both with our hearts torn out and never looking to find another love yet brought together on this very grief support website.
  8. Simultaneous Grief and Love

    So much has happened since I last posted and free time has become quite a rare commodity. Hopefully we will have time in the future but opening Maui Pasta is no small task. Hopefully we will have a lease that we can live with by the end of next week. Patty is understandably gun shy when it comes to landlords. I wonder why. In dealing with simultaneous grief and love we had our first experience when my wedding anniversary came up. So we went out to dinner instead of years of me going out by myself. Those days will still come and they will always be a part of our lives so it helps that we can be together for each other. I am grateful that I do not have to deny that part of my life. This Saturday we will go out to celebrate the one year anniversary of the day we met. That would be the day before last years art auction. I cannot believe how fast this year has gone. Who would believe that all this could happen.
  9. Birthday

    Yes Tom that first year birthday is tough. I would never have made it if not for my family and since it was also Christmas which was so important to Kathy and I that I got through the whole season. (lot of tears but I got through it.) Sometimes we have to lean on others to survive. And that's just okay. Happy birthday.....just the same.
  10. Gracie

    Sometimes things don't make sense. We are so sorry for you Butch and your family
  11. I love that cause it is so true. Some time in the past I looked in the mirror after months of tears and I didn't even recognize the face as being me. Years after that I looked in the mirror and realized that I looked different. I was a product of Steve and Kathy. She changed my face. Grief changed my face but I don't mind the mileage. It spoke to a man in love with an angel. Somehow I see her in my own image. Or do you think that years of grief made me go mad?
  12. I know what you mean George. Kathy made me a better person. No one else could ever have gotten to me like that but I took away those lessons she taught me and try to hold onto them still. By my third year of being widowed I started to notice I was slipping back into some old behavior patterns. I didn't have her with me any longer to give me reason to try harder. I became angry with my lazy self for I knew I was a better person than who I was returning to. I stopped the trend and held on to why I liked being who she helped me become. Now I am changing again. I am with a person who elevates me even higher for it comes with understanding what love and beauty is. And I want it. I look across a room at my new wife and wonder where I will be tomorrow. When I was a younger man I hated change. Now I embrace it and I love how life keeps evolving around me. I remember a saying I first came upon in those early weeks of my grief's journey. It said in part that I will survive until I survive and one day I will find myself alive again. I find myself now still very much alive. Yes George the best way to honor Rose Anne is to let her see you growing in life. We must never give up for one day we will discover that we are indeed alive again and that can put a big smile on your face even if it comes with a tear in your eye.
  13. Bad day

    Thinking of you Butch. Our prayers are with you and your family. Patty and Steve
  14. That's a really good thought. Once you have been there yourself you always wonder what any stranger might be enduring. One who has never lost someone would never think to cut a person some slack. I wore my brides engagement ring around my neck for a while after she died and most people recognized why I did that. They tend to give you a little kindness when they know you are grieving. It doesn't work on every person though. There are always those kind of jerks. Someone posted this before on our site but it rings quite true in this case too.
  15. Thank you Marty and do stay safe. We are all here for each other.