hutchy1987

Thank you for your reply I will defiantly give the articles a read and see if he's open to reading them as well. some days I feel that just being there for him isn't enough... even though I know that's all i can really do is be there. So I will continue to be there for him and I will read all the information i can in order to try and get an understanding of what he's going through. Thanks again

Hi, I need some help to help someone that's become very close to me. He lost his 13 month old baby girl during an operation for a kidney transplant about 2 months ago now and I feel like I'm at a loss on how to help him. I've read some things that say to go round their house and help out with things etc, but the problem is things are kind of complicated between us and me going to his house wouldn't be wise at all. He talks with me about pretty much everything, but i feel he avoids the topic of his baby which is understandable, he's a man and doesn't want his pain to show in front of me... every time a little bit shows he shakes it off and tells me he's sorry... it doesn't matter how many times i tell him it's ok to let me see the emotions, each time he just shakes it off. I got him talking one day and he told me about how his little girl used to smile at her first name and kind of frown at her middle name (he chose the first and his wife chose the middle name). I manage to get little things, but as soon as his eyes start going he'll shake it off and change the topic... I don't want to force him to talk about it all because i know it'll come when he's ready... I just don't know what else to do. His wife has attempted suicide twice so he has a full time job of looking after her when he's not at work or when the family isn't there to help (I believe they're there quite a bit which is good...even if he doesn't think so)... I feel that on one side he's just trying to get his wife through and on the other side he feels he has to always be happy around me because he doesn't want to drag me down (his words). I suggested he write a letter to his girl which he did... I've also suggested that we go to starship and take a teddybear to a little girl who may need some cheering up... he said he'd like that but he doesn't think he could handle it... I've told him to let me know when he's ready and I'll be there for him. I don't know what else to do for him... I don't know if he's actually grieving yet or if he's just trying to get on with everything around him (his wife, work, holidays, me). He had one day where he found the baby monitor at home and sat there switching it on and off hoping to hear something, then when he continued to hear nothing he dissapeared for a day... turned his phone off and just went out into the woods to dissapear... he does this every now and then. xmas day included.. don't get me wrong I fully understand why he does it... but is he grieving or is he just shutting it all away? I hope I'm not offending anyone but putting this all out there, I just didn't know where else to turn to for help on what to do. Thank you in advance.