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Grief Healing Discussion Groups

ceh

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    1
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Previous Fields

  • Date of Death
    06/19/12
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Hermann Memorial Baptist Hospital

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  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    beaumont, tx

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  1. Last April my mother-in-law injured her back while trying to take care of her mother, whom was elderly and senile. I was taking care of both of them at my MIL's home, only a mile away from my home. After 7 week's of watching this woman suffer and become completely bedridden in constant pain before surgery was scheduled, her lungs could not recover after the long extensive surgery, and after 2 weeks of her suffering in the hospital on and off the ventilator, her body starting shutting down and my husband had to sign the papers to take her off of the vent and let her go. He had a special relationship with his mother. What i had believed to be a close knit family, turned out to be a total nightmare. before hospitalization, my brother in law and his wife and grown children, who lived 2 blocks away, all but refused to help care for the two. My husband works shift work and my teenage daughter is in many school activities, all of which i am very involved, but i was more than happy to help, but tension did build very high when my health became to be an issue. I would vent to my husband that I really needed help, but he insisted that he could not make his siblings do anything to help. when i checked into home health the whole family seemed to be insulted. while she was in the hospital, my husband and mother in law, including her mother all suggested that i get some rest because her recovery would be long and painstaking after surgery and she would need my help then. The times i went to the hospital, once a day, she was in and out of consciousness, and a couple of occasions, her two other children were there and each and every time, she was in distress and i would have to talk with nurses, doctors, liasons, and even the chaplin. i becaqme very close to my MIL during this time and I felt exhausted and all alone, trying to keep my husband and daughter comforted, trying to be supportive. Now, after sibling fighting through the whole time, fighting even through the funeral, heck they were dividing her belongings before she was even taken off of the machines. I felt very protective and became very angry watching them going through her things. they came into her home and just took over! My husband, in pain, never wanted to say a word, he just let them go on. he was hurt, angry, confused, and feeling great grief, but it was like he didnt want to talk about it, and even refused to go to the funeral until the night before. he never went over to her home to grieve with extended family that had come in from out of town for the funeral. My daughter and i stood by his side and were here for him through it all. Since then we have had several heated arguments and it seems he is acting very iradically. He started wanting to make huge purchases, and if i tried to talk to him about it or disagreed, he would only pull further away. But, the most concerning thing is that I came across, by chance, text messages to a 25-year-old young woman whomhe works with, and in further searching, found this had been going on for 3 to 4 months, calls and text. He works 12 hour night shifts with her. The thing is that we have set boundaries about texting and his relationships with women at work. when i confronted him, his response was that she text him once and he asked her not to do it again, but he didnt know i knew the full extent. Since then, it has been a war. we are both angry, im afraid he has pushed me to far away. Is this grief? I cannot handle another woman in his life in this way. im hurt that he is angry at me about his mothers death and his siblings behavior. none of us have had a chance to mourn, and i dont know what to do. we have talked, we have prayed, and he has committed coming to mass with us every weekend. Is there a chance that I will lose my husband and best friend, after caring so selflessly for his mother?
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