Lizasoup

Thank you to all who responded. Since I posted and reflected on the responses, including the readings, we've talked about our next trip to Vegas at the end of July. We decided to explore the old part of Vegas (which he and his wife never visited), to spend time in other casinos, and to talk about it if/when it comes up instead of squashing the feelings. Further, he decided to make a solo trip to Vegas and to visit the places he and his wife frequented. It especially helped me to be reminded that love expands because I truly believe that.

Dear Maria, I think of my own grief as an elliptical shape and picture it in orbit around my core life. Sometimes, it's very close and almost feels like it did during the very first days of loss. At other times, I' m cognizant of it but it remains a comfortable distance and I'm able to tolerate it. Every so often, it's at the far end the orbit and I feel real happiness and contentment in my core life. Though I have never lost a child, and my heart aches for you, 5 years ago I suffered 5 losses in one year. The first two years were very dark. I, still, have moments in time, where the losses seem unbearable. When my grief is close I try to remember the things that helped me survive the first years...one step at a time, tell someone, accept the hugs and the words of support, honor the one you lost in a tangible way, allow yourself to mourn and remember, make a connection - even if it's just "hello" - to one other person every day, get out of the house for a bit...and, gradually the grief moves to a more distant place in orbit. I don't know if the grief orbit is forever or if it changes shape or form. It helps me to visualize it as a real, tangible thing and to name it because, then, I can do something for it and, I think, it helps the other people in your life understand you. I will carry you in my thoughts and I send you whispers of peace to your heart. Liza

Hello Karen, my name is Liza and I am so sorry for your loss and the pain in your life. I want you to know, though, that your words touched my heart in a very meaningful way and I so appreciate that you shared them. I believe that, if my significant other had the words to describe the loss of his wife 2 1/2 years ago, he would have spoken the words from "Unique and Devastating Loss". Thank you for opening a door into his world for me. I hope that you find moments of peace in each day. Liza

Hello, I am new to this experience of sharing on line yet find myself in need of some support and guidance. I am involved in a significant relationship with a widower of 2 1/2 years. I have tried to be supportive of his grief process but feel stuck when he withdraws from me. Recently, we spent several days in Las Vegas for a get-away, but he became very mopey and withdrawn. I, incorrectly, assumed he was unhappy with me and it wasn't until our last evening that he finally shared that he was struggling with his grief as Las Vegas had been a "fun place" for he and his past wife. He shared that his memories of her are beginning to fade and he's fearful he will lose them. He, also, shared that he is questioning his "purpose" in life since he's still here and his wife is gone. Mostly, I simply listen when he speaks about his past wife and try to give my support. I love this man and wish to be respectful of his loss yet I feel worried when he goes to these dark places in his mind. I have thought of some ways that we could try to blend our lives a bit more (his past and our future) but am reluctant to suggest them. Are there others in this forum who are trying to support a loved one through their grief process while building a new relationship? I would appreciate hearing how you have dealt with healing/building process.