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arbitrator

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  • Date of Death
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  • Your gender
    Male
  • Location (city, state)
    South Amherst, OH

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  1. It was 4 years ago tonight that I was dumped and I'm looking back at it with a SMILE!!! I am SO much better off without her and I do NOT want her back!! I am now dating someone who even though she has her own unique set of issues is still a vast improvement over my XGF nonetheless!! She usually likes to bring one of her friends along on our dates and that is okay with me because it helps me expand my social circle and twice the girls is twice the fun!!
  2. I just found out that my ex is engaged to caveboy. It shook me a little bit but nothing like what I experienced over 3 years ago. It's really ironic that I've now dated 2 other girls in the past month and a half; they have broken much of the hold the ex had over me. I just hope for caveboy's sake he has deep pockets, he's going to need them! All things really do happen for a reason, it's all part of God's design. Everything He does is for the greater good, even when it causes us pain.
  3. The first time I experienced the loss of a love (which I would find out years later was actually no loss at all) I was 20 years old and I bought a book called "How To Survive The Loss Of A Love". The final page said something I would like to share: I loved you, which was purgatory I lost you, which was hell And I survived, Heaven!!
  4. I can feel the attachment to my ex letting go of me!
  5. My holiday season thus far has been nothing short of PHENOMENAL!! It's been like there's a party in my head and everyone's invited! It started 2 days before Thanksgiving when my friends from the marina took their grandkids to a local indoor waterpark and invited me to join them. I had to work so I joined them after I was off; total blast was had by all. It's been there for over a decade now but until now I only got to look at it because no one I know wanted to go (my ex always said she wanted to go but every time we were about to she was always "busy". Then on Thanksgiving they came to my house with a pie and I got to introduce them to my family; this has been the third year I've hosted my family's Thanksgiving. Finally, just last night and for the first time in almost 4 years, I went out on a date. It was someone I've known for years (we used to work together) and it was a no-strings attached arrangement but just spending time with her helped get my mind off my ex in a way nothing else has been able to.
  6. Tonight marks the three-year anniversary of my getting dumped. I'm definitely feeling better now than I did then now that I have figured out the truth; unfortunately this was seven months after the event. First when some other friends she stopped speaking to told me "you should send some flowers to her house for her birthday cuz you know (caveboy) ain't gonna get her anything", then I started working with an acquaintance of hers who told me "she keeps going back to (caveboy) and that guy is garbage". The same person also told me "I think the reason she keeps going back to (caveboy) is because when she's with him she doesn't have to do anything; she can just lay around on her fat (expletive) all day". The final piece of the puzzle was her tweet "I'm scared for me and my son's well-being. Leave me alone". Her "I met someone in church, we started talking then dating. I have a boyfriend so we need to stop talking" was nothing but a fabrication designed to make me go away (honesty has never been her strong suit). She could have saved me a great deal of grief by instead saying "my living arrangement with (female roommate) fell through so I had to move in with (caveboy) so my son and I would have a place to live. If I have anything to do with you he might kick me and my son out, so we need to stop talking". We couldn't live together before because I would have had to put my dad in a nursing home and I was NOT going to do that...we can't live together now because my family has no use for her. From what I've been told, the house they're in is owned by his employer so he might be more lenient as far as rent goes. On a happier note, this past labor day weekend I went to the pool at the marina where my boat is docked and saw a couple and their grandkids who I've been getting to know this past year after I met them at an off-season party back in January. After the pool closed they invited me to their boat for a cookout. As the sun went down and I watched other boats heading up the river toward Lake Erie, I kept thinking about how I wanted to take my boat out. One thing led to another, and we all went out on my boat. I have a bowrider and theirs is a cabin cruiser, so the kids (3 boys, 2 girls) wanted to sit in the bow seats. Those kids had the time of their lives: They never stopped smiling and laughing and kept telling me "get us wet!" as we rolled up and down the waves. It was the first time in three years that I have experienced JOY and even though it's been three days now I'm still smiling about it myself! :-)
  7. 3 years ago tonight was what would have been our last date. We were to order a came for her mom's birthday and go out to dinner, but she cancelled at the last minute. 3 weeks later she moved in with caveboy then pretty much stopped speaking to me (most likely for fear of being kicked out if she has anything to do with me). I recently found out that he makes money by scamming people on Facebook. I'm celebrating my progress and her plight by going to a movie tonight. My boat also went into the water today! :-)
  8. Three years ago today was the last time I ever saw my ex; her dad died less than two months later and a month and a half after that she went back to caveboy to have a place to live. For the past two and a half years I've been worried that she would marry that punk before I found someone new but lately I haven't been as worried about that happening.
  9. I found an online article in Men's Health (The Science Of Heartbreak) which I forwarded to my psychiatrist to prepare for my 3-month session this weekend. It seems the inability to stop thinking about my ex and occasional feelings of sadness surrounding her are not personal weakness, but rather part of a biological process. According to the article, the brain has a "reward and punishment system" which not only compels us to search for food and water, but also love and sex. Success at finding (and keeping) these things results in a dopamine spike which makes us feel good (reward), but failure results in lower dopamine levels and higher stress hormone levels (punishment). Knowing this is helpful to me because there are those who would tell me to "snap out of it" but now I can tell them it's not that simple. I can also confirm what I've known all along; finding someone new is key to being over her once and for all.
  10. For about the past week I've been experiencing what might be called a "downfall" in my recovery process. I've been feeling sad but surprisingly haven't done any crying. I'm finding that doing the things I enjoy are once again bringing me little if any joy. I am taking comfort though in knowing that this is part of the grief process. Also, a couple of months ago I found an article on thoughtcatalog.com titled "To Everyone Who Can't Stop Thinking About Their Ex" which says that not being able to stop thinking about your ex is not "crazy" or "obsessive", it's "simply the way we work". It goes on to say that our exes remain our "default setting" until someone new comes along and takes that role away from them. I forwarded this to my psychiatrist last night to get his opinion of it; he says that it "has a lot of good points".
  11. Hi Everyone :-)- Two years ago tonight I was dumped by my significant other. After talking to her other friends (whom she also refuses to speak to or have anything to do with) I now know what happened. When her dad died she became reclusive then just over a month later (presumably when her living arrangement with her female roommate fell apart) she was forced to go crawling back to caveboy to have a place to live. Her story about how "she met someone at church, they started talking then dating" was simply a ruse designed to make me go away. Today I'm feeling much better not only because of this group (thank you everyone) but because my family is supportive of me and others who know us both tell me that I treated her well and didn't deserve what she did to me. Yes, I still think about her. However, whenever she comes to mind I simply think about how she's indigent and I'm not, and how I get to go out and have fun while she gets to sit in caveboy's house and ROT!! (lol...that actually rhymes!) Finally, even though my search for someone new remains fruitless I take comfort in knowing that it's not due to a lack of available women; it's due to the meeting and communication barrier which is very difficult to break through. Arbitrator
  12. I started doing the online dating thing as soon as I was dumped, first Match.com then Zoosk. Last fall, I saw someone on Zoosk I would really like to meet. I tried contacting her but no reply. Just last weekend I saw her profile again and saw that it was "Facebook verified". She has a common first name spelled in a unique way, so I ran it through Facebook and only had to go through 3 profiles to find her. I found myself reading her posts and looking through her pics and in the days that followed I found myself thinking about her a lot and very little about my ex. Ironically, she's from the same town and the same high school class as my ex; maybe it's a sign (or a warning). I definitely know now that I want to find someone else so I can forget about my ex and she can continue her screwed up life without me.
  13. 2 years ago today my ex's dad passed. About a month later she had to go back to the on-again, off-again creep so she would have a place to live. When that happened the only things she said to me (via texting) were "can't", "busy" and "sorry" then after 3 months of that, she realized her life was not going to get any better and she would have to stay with caveboy to avoid homelessness and if he found out she had anything to do with me, he would kick her to the curb. That was when she dumped me. Today, I'm feeling much better not only because of this group (thank you everyone) but because I know that she's indigent and without caveboy she would have nowhere to live (that is what she meant by "I'm scared for me and my son's well-being"). Furthermore, it helps to know that she has done the same thing to her friends that she did to me.
  14. I watched "Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind" last night on HBO. Not the best movie I've ever seen but certainly one I can relate to.
  15. Something else which has really helped me along is having a supporting family. An aunt on my dad's side told me "we're all very proud of you for how well you've come through everything you've been through". Two of my cousin's on my mom's side (both female) had a conversation saying "If I ever see her, I'll punch her throat!" to which the other replied "Not before I punch her throat first!". The one told me "when you mess with one of us, you mess with ALL of us" and "you don't mess with blood".
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