Seeing these replies really make me feel that i'm not alone and there are some people to support me. So, thank all of you for your support.
There are so many thoughts in my head, so many plan is left half finished with my dad's death... I'm just 23 and i'm not married. He will not see my wedding, he will not see my child or something i'll achieve. My dad always tried to protect me by trying to keep me near him. He didnt allow me to go another city for the university, he didnt allow me to hang out my friends at nights etc... The first thing he allowed me was my working in another city far away from my home AND HE HAS PASSED AWAY. It's been just 6 months that i'm away from my home. I dont want to accept that i dont have my dad anymore. He wont be here at all.
i'm so sorry that you've lost your dad and your husband. It must be so hard that i cannot understand. I can just guess about it. I hope i'll adjust but i cannot imagine that times. Can i really see that days?
I luckily have 2 weeks for rest of my family. She is not okay, i'm trying to keep her strong by going out with her, making some walk with her etc. I hope we'll be all okay and normal...
Dear Ron B,
Welcome. First of all, I'm really sorry for your loss. You've mentioned about learning from our losses. I've learned a lot of things about grief but i can understand now that i couldnt learn them. This pain is not what is written in books. Your process is so nice. I hope i can also have this process. I'm not aware of my feelings. I cannot define what i feel. Im still feeling like he will come home someday. I cannot accept that i saw him dead. His face was empurpled. Unbelievable. This couldnt be my dad. My dad would always be with us. How can i believe this? So many so many people are visiting us and talking about how nice and honest person my dad is. I feel like they don't mention about him. He is outside right now and will come home in a couple of hours.
Thank you for your support. And thank god that i've found these place and these kind people like you. I think i cannot express my feelings because i have to be strong when i am with my mom because this is what everyone say! If i cry, my mom cries more than me. If i dont cry and be strong with my mom, she will be okay.
Sometimes i think that i ignore this pain when i smile or laugh at something. I know it's normal to smile and he would want me to smile everytime. He would want me to be happy. But it's still hard for me to believe this. I feel guilty....
Thank you for your sharing this blog. Be sure i'll read it. I've always wanted to be good counselor and i still want. But after this pain,do you think i can cope with this and help my students' daily problems again? I love my job but i feel like i cannot do this right now and i have 4 months to work.