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Grief Healing Discussion Groups

texylady

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  • Posts

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About texylady

  • Birthday January 3

Previous Fields

  • Date of Death
    April 3, 2014
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    NA

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Texas
  • Interests
    Internet, my dogs
  1. When Rick was in the hospital the social workers and chaplains were a big help. I think that mother's treatment will be outpatient and I won't have that help that I will need even more now. I know that things will be clearer on Tuesday, but that seems like forever away. I feel so selfish worrying about how I will handle things, when I need to be figuring out how to help mother. I wish I could just sleep until....whenever.
  2. so sad, seeing that people are still losing their loved ones makes me realize that life is going on, like it or not. Today is the three month mark that Rick has been gone. Sometimes I forget what brought me to this foreign land of decisions and sadness. Then I see his picture and it all comes back. And today would have been my cousin's 50th birthday. He had pancreatic c before Rick.
  3. I lost my husband on April 3, 2014 three weeks after finding out that he had pancreatic cancer. Now, I find that my mom has stage II bladder cancer. I am her primary go-to person. Up until now she has been very independent, but she has never driven, so I will be taking her to her treatments. I was just starting to consider getting a job, but that will be difficult considering my commitments to my mom. I don't even know enough to know what he prognosis is, and won't see the oncologist until Tuesday. She is not one to talk about her feelings, so I am not sure how she is doing. {sigh}
  4. Deb, what day did your love pass? My Rick left us on April 3, ironically the same date that I met him. I am just starting to get a little more motivated when WHAM, I find out yesterday that my mom has stage II bladder cancer. When will this end? I have never had to deal with C before this year, now two in three months. I will be the one to take her to treatments and everything else she needs. I am trying not to think too far ahead and get overwhelmed. I hate the waiting to see the oncologist. I need a plan, but I will have to be patient until Tuesday.
  5. First let me add my condolences. I lost my Rick one day before you lost your mate. He was originally diagnosed with liver cancer as well, but it was actually pancreatic. From diagnosis to passing was less than three weeks. It is impossible for me to imagine what it would have been like to have years of knowing that the end was just over the next hill. I feel a sisterhood with you as our men passed so near to one another. I wish for you clarity and peace that I am still trying to find for myself.
  6. Heh, two ML's both pancreatic widows. Mary Linda, I did send you a PM, but I don't know how that works.
  7. The day went well. My bedroom is almost done, and we sorted through a lot of papers and got them filed where I can find them when needed. Friends are sending a yard crew to clean up my shrubs and leaves and such. Hopefully, once it is cleaned up I will be able to mow. I don't handle heat well. Right now mowing is not an issue as it has been raining all day. The days just keep getting longer.
  8. Here it is, Monday again. I have someone coming from church to help with whatever I need in an hour or so. I have been to her house many times. It is huge and gorgeous and well kept and I am a little nervous about her coming here, as my house is none of those things. I have never been a big hostess on a one-on-one basis, and I just realized I don't even have anything here to offer as a snack. The idea of going out for something is causing a panic attack. Then this afternoon another friend is bringing a yard man over for an estimate on spring cleaning my yard. It is really hard for me to accept all this help, but I know that I must or go into a complete tailspin. I know that healthy eating is important, but I wasn't doing very well at that before Rick died, and changing my diet right now is more of a task than I can handle. Familiar, comfort foods are all I have to look forward to. This morning is taking a turn in the wrong direction. I need to get up an get ready before Karen gets here. Hugs to all ML
  9. Yes, we will Kay! Today was a little less emotional than yesterday. I volunteer at our church resale shop on Fri and Sat mornings, so there was that. Then I went to the grocery store. For at least the last 15 years Rick did all the grocery shopping. He enjoyed it, I did not so I let him have at it. Now I don't even know what is a good price on something. I dashed in and out before it became too overwhelming, picking up a few easy to prepare items, since I don't cook. I am hoping to do more cooking in the future, but right now it is more than I can deal with.The deli had a nice plate with an entree and two sides, so I feel like I had my one "real meal" of the day. I got some nice salami and cheese, small amounts that I will eat before they go bad, and I am looking forward to eating them later. I wish I had been much more attentive to my mom when my dad died. I had no idea what she was going through. I am trying to take the best care that I can of her now, as she is finally starting to feel her age, and none too happy about it.. I got Rick's life insurance today. I must talk to a financial planner next week to help me figure things out. (even though heading off to the Virgin Islands sounds like a pretty good plan right now!) Hugs, ML
  10. QMary, Your story is heart wrenching as well. The pain of grief compounded by the pain of PAIN. How on earth did you handle things? I hope you had a good support system. My dad died the same way. He asked my mom for a soda, said he felt like he needed to burp. By the time she went 5 steps to the kitchen and back, he was on the floor. Here is a little statistical oddness. My Great Grandfather, Grandfather, Father and Husband all died at 61. Hugs for all, ML
  11. Thank you Harry. I feel very happy to have found this place. I even suggested it to my daughter, in the section for loss of a love relationship. Her rat b@$t@rd of a boyfriend cheated on her while her dad was dying, even while seeming to support her. Then, she found him with the "other woman" the day after Rick's memorial service. She can't even start to grieve the loss of her daddy because her heart is smashed flat. I feel so badly for her, but there is little I can do but listen. ML
  12. More and more wonderful people! I feel like Rick must have guided me here. About us. We (oops I) live near Fort Worth Texas. We were married for 38 years. I went through some difficult times with depression, and put Rick through more crap than anyone should have to deal with, but he stuck with me through it all. He was well known in town, we rarely went anywhere without someone stopping to talk to him. I used to kid him that he must be about to run for mayor, he shook so many hands. When word got out about his illness, everyone wanted to help in some way, so the fire dept started a donation drive at the station. It soon became apparent that people wanted to donate online, so a second fund was set up that way. I am blessed to say that friends, family, and even strangers gave our family nearly $15,000, which has allowed me to pay for his memorial, and hospital bills, plus legal etc. all of which would have been difficult, no impossible to do at this time. I am sure you all know that life insurance, retirement benefits, etc don't just fall out of the sky when someone dies. more later, whether you want it or not ML
  13. I hope that I am not posting too much, but this is keeping me from screaming at the ceiling. I have been going through the closet, trying to make some room for things I want to keep, but it seems that for every one thing I take out, two more appear from nowhere. The closet has no more room than it did 50 shirts ago. Many of his shirts have his name on them (he was in the fire department) The fire shirts I can take back to the station. The ratty shirts can go away. The t-shirts went away the first week. That leaves a lot of nice shirts that I can take to my church resale shop, but I had hoped to take them to a consignment shop. The two that I have found are not taking anything right now. I just need to come to terms with the fact that it is ok not to sell his shirts. I lost my job three years ago, and he was "downsized" from the FD after 36 years, so money has been tight the last few years. I know that these shirts are not the difference in me eating or starving, but the frugal part of my brain has not gotten the message. Then there are the shirts for his knife store he was just beginning. So much time and money went into that. Must stop. That is another big can of worms.
  14. Nats, thanks for your reply. My goal for today is 1. Get off computer 2. Try to find my closet floor. Hope your day is sunny, whatever the weather.
  15. Good morning. I discovered this site last night, and it seems like a caring group of people. That is what I am looking for right now. My husband, Rick, was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer on March 14, 2014. On April 3, 2014, he left us. I was still trying to wrap my mind around the cancer diagnosis, gearing up for the fight, getting things set up for him, and suddenly, it was over. I am sitting here in my living room surrounded by things that my daughters pulled out for his memorial service. I keep moving them from box to box, trying to decide what to do with each item. I feel like I am drowning in a sea of "things". I feel like I need to clear out a lot of "stuff" in order to feel comfortable again. My daughter cleaned the garage and boxed up things for a garage sale, but the thought of actually getting the sale together gives me an anxiety attack. I went on a clearing frenzy in the kitchen, and now I have boxes in there too. Every few days, I have taken a load of cds, records, books, movies to the used book store, but they seem to reproduce while I am gone. I know it seems like I am focusing on things rather than Rick, but that is all I can do right now. I can't bring him back, but I am trying to save my own life right now.
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