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Grief Healing Discussion Groups

bosspark

Contributor
  • Posts

    10
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Previous Fields

  • Date of Death
    7/18/2014
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Grace hospice

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    LAWRENCE
  1. Thank you, Marty. I feel very strongly that this group is a very important part of my grief journey. Today I thought about Wayne and my original post- retirement plan, which was to travel once I was able to retire in three years. Of course, as Wayne's Parkinson's disease worsened, that plan was looking more and more unlikely. Today it occurred to me that I could still travel solo. The world is a big place,and Wayne was able to see a great deal of it in his long life. Why wouldn't he want me to see more of the world if that was what I wanted to do? If we can't travel together, I can still travel and carry him with me in my heart. It was a very happy thought to me and one that seemed appropriate to share in this topic.
  2. It is so lovely and healing to read posts about positive things happening in the lives of members here. I can only believe that the ones we love would not like to see us always sad, and must take pleasure in the joy that we can find for ourselves. I went to a grief support group for the first time this week, and I was so saddened by the sadness of the members. I don't think I am strong enough yet to bear that. At this point, I am looking for what will boost me up. I hope it is okay to grieve individually and allow myself to look for what I feel will be healing to me. Wayne was such a positive person with such an AMAZING sense of humor that I think maybe I may be honoring his memory more by looking for the light than by dwelling in the darkness. Its so very hard, but having this place to safely share thoughts and feelings is wonderful. Marty, what is the book Finding your Way Through Grief? It sounds like a helpful resource.
  3. KayC, so sorry for the loss of your mother...I too felt like I had years to go even with the Parkinsons and Lewey Bodies. Sometimes we are so busy living we haven't the time to think of dying! I guess all we can do is love the people in our lives and do what we can. We are not given to know God's timing, I suppose. I will pray for you and your family experiencing this loss.
  4. What a wonderful community this is! It is such a blessing to have a place to share thoughts and feelings people in my daily "real" life don't want to hear and don't know how to respond to . KayC wrote about her husband " I know he knows I always meant well for him. To him, I know, there'd be nothing to forgive." What a truly helpful thought. I think this holds true for you, Rita, and for others of us who carry a guilt our loved ones wouldn't think of asking us to carry. That's not what love does. And how lucky we are to have had such love!
  5. Thank you, Marty, for sharing those articles. Maybe it truly is less important to say goodbye than I was thinking it was. Why ask for closure when I feel our hearts are still entwined?
  6. Yes, I think the Lewy Bodies must have impacted his death. His OT, the day before he lay down for the nap he didn't wake up from, had seen physical movement clues in Wayne that I didn't discern. She had had a client with LBD and the same physical clues that Wayne had that day, and her client declined and died, quickly,like Wayne did. I tried going to see his doctor to find out what had happened,but his doctor did not really give me any satisfactory answers. I think maybe the whole thing is way beyond something anybody can understand. Having read Parkinson's Disease caregiver blogs, I understand that his death was blessedly serene... for several days I have told myself, "good life, good death." I've been scanning photographs of Wayne or a memorial service next spring. He had a wonderful long life, only the end of which was messed up by the Parkinson's and Lewey Body. And I had a wonderful life with him for 32 years. I just have to figure out how to get on without him.
  7. Thank you so much. Wayne had Parkinsons disease for years, but he had declined to the extent that I had to have at home care for him when I was at school for the last two years. I had always heard that Parkinsons disease doesn't kill directly, so I thought that by doing things like keeping him safe from falls, providing physical and occupational therapy, making sure his food was swallowable, and keeping him away from upper respiratory things like colds that I could keep him going indefinitely. We hadn't even talked about end of life decisions, because Lewey Body Dementia had affected his thinking toward the end. So when one day last month when I put him down for a nap, which was part of our regular routine, and later couldn't wake him up, I was really in the dark about how to proceed. I had been in contact with Hospice because I was hoping to get palliative care for him because I thought it would be helpful to have the nurse come once a week. But when they came to talk to me about hospice, Wayne was unresponsive and was, as they told me, in the process of actively dying. He died about two and a half days after lying down for that nap. Every day before this we just dealt with every day's promises and challenges...it was a good leg day, so I would have him walk a bit to his wheelchair, or it was a not a good leg day, and I would take the wheelchair to him. I had moved a bed downstairs for him because it would be easier when school started to have the caregivers not have to take him downstairs on the stairlift. So I signed him up for hospice care on Thursday evening, and 24 hours later he was gone. Over and over I get stuck on the idea that I let him down by not using more aggressive treatment to roust him. It may be the hospital wouldn't have even admitted a man of his years (87) who was unresponsive. I took my cue from his mom who was a nurse. When she was taking care of Wayne's father, the ultimate rule she had was that she would not allow any treatment that would have caused him pain. Wayne was "sleeping" so very peacefully... and I was a basket case. I kept thinking he would wake up. His death was attended by me, his oldest daughter, and his two grandkids, but because he never woke up we couldn't officially say goodbye to him. Yes, in answer to your question, it was an unexpected death...to me. (I hope it is okay to talk about my own experiences in a forum post that Donnacas began because of her grief. I will pray for you as the semester goes on, Donnacas. And will rejoice with you when the semester ends. God bless you and all those who have experienced this loss.)
  8. Thank you for your kind responses. I can't tell you what it means to me to be with people who have walked and are walking where I walk nowI have contacted the bereavement counselor at the hospice that cared for my husband. I have been putting too much of my grief on the shoulders of my 26 year old daughter, who should not have to bear so much, although she is willing. Wayne and I were married for 32 years, and he was the love of my life. Until Parkinsons and Lewey Body Dementia stole from us, he was the funniest, most charming man alive. He still remained himself most days, and told me that we could handle anything as long as we were together. I'm trying so hard to feel that we are together still in a different way. That would be a comfort to me. I am a teacher and I had caregivers with him during the school year, but I was able to be home with him this summer. Every day I would get him up and dressed and we would sit outside in the backyard for breakfast. I am so glad I had that opportunity. Thank you all so much for caring. I think this forum will be a great help to me. God bless you all.
  9. Oh, I so understand...my husband died six weeks ago as well,and now my school year has started...I am expected to teach and inspire middle schoolers when I can hardly figure out how to get out of bed in the morning...I am going to try and make a list as well....and I will be forgiving of myself...that seems to make sense. This forum is wonderful...I am glad for both of us that we found it. I think it will be a great deal of help. God bless you and watch over you in your grief.
  10. My husband just died in July after a struggle with Parkinson's Disease. Although he had had PD for a while, his death seemed quick to me -- he lay down for a nap on Wednesday then didn't wake up and died Friday, after being in hospice care for just 24 hours. It was a peaceful passing, but what I am doing which is not very helpful is going over and over the last days and finding fault in my care for him. I feel like I let him down in the last hours of his life because I didn't (couldn't) wake him up. Should I have taken him to the ER? I just keep hashing this over and over even though people tell me I did a good job. I am trying to keep busy but my down time is spent missing him and blaming myself for his death. I don't see how people get over these things. I'm pretty much a mess.
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