maria53577

Kacy, I find great comfort in your response. The shock is just overwhelming.. I agree that is the worst of this. I just expected I would be bringing home with us, alive. He knew we were right there until the end. His big eyes watched me as I talked to him or moved. I am struggling with I should have known this.. I should have been more plugged into this, somehow.. this little one trusted me from the beginning and I feel as though I failed him I find some comfort knowing that you have dealt with heart failure and sometimes it can be managed and other times not. He was loved beyond anything he could have ever imagined.

Hi, I am really struggling. 24 hrs ago we laid our little guy Teddy to rest. My husband and I adopt senior dogs. We obviously know by doing so, our dogs are not with us for the length we would like them to be.. but they come from puppy mills and kills shelters and it gives us pure joy to see them blossom into loving pets. We feel the love we give them in this short amount of time outweighs the pain for us in the end. Knowing that they were loved right thru the end is the gift we can give them We adopted Teddy 14 months ago with another guy (we had 5 seniors dogs, now 4) Teddy was a happy, shy guy. Beyond adorable and trusted me so much. On Friday he was fine. We went on a car ride and ran errands. Saturday morning he started wheezing and breathing heavily and wasn't finding relief. We took him the ER. They ran x-rays and found out he was in heart failure. At this time, we still had hope. They put him on meds. We spent the night with him. Around 3:30 a.m. yesterday they noticed he just wasn't getting better. He passed away in our arms around 5:15. I feel like I failed him. The images of him passing are burned in my head and I also feel as though I should have seen this coming.. how did I miss this? This morning is so hard with our routines with feeding. Please help me get thru this awful shock and grief. It's debilitating. Teddy would have been 13 this Friday.

Hey ChinUp, thank you. I appreciate hearing how your mom's wedding played out. I care about my dad a lot and I agree, I would rather him be happy than grieving. Prior to him dating this woman, he was living at my house for months.. and honestly as much as I liked having him there.. we got on each others nerves too! He couldn't continue to live at my house and him having his own life is what is needed. I feel much, much better knowing others have had their own unique experiences with this. And setting boundaries is a HUGE task for me to do but also a much needed thing I need to do for myself. I don't know at this point if I can tell my dad I don't want to participate in their wedding.. I would feel as though I am letting him down on some level. I will be able though, to set boundaries in other areas. Thank you for reminding me that it's ok to do so!

Wow! The article on remarrying is great. Thank you again!

Thank you both for taking the time to write. I agree, I can't just skip it and I wouldn't do that. I don't want him to feel bad.. I just wish he understood where I was coming from with this (wouldn't it be nice if he could read my mind? ) and I also feel trapped into having to participate in the ceremony. I feel as though I will be letting him down if I tell him I feel uncomfortable.. even though I already told him I felt uncomfortable a couple months ago. He told me his girlfriend's kids didn't want to participate so then told me I would have to.. so now I feel stuck in something I just want to be a spectator at. I know I will get thru this and agree it's his life, etc.. it's just one of those things in life you just get thru. Thank you again! and I will be reading the article next!

Hi guys, I really need your help/advice/support. My dad is getting married next month (he's 71). My mom passed away 2.5 years ago. He proposed to his girlfriend on Mother's Day last year. I was supportive of him dating. They were dating about 8 months when he told me he was going to ask her to marry him. It felt somewhat uncomfortable but I still supported him. We are a month out from the wedding and it was become quite the big event. He is having a traditional church wedding, with 260 people invited. He is getting married where him and my mom were married. It's disorganized and rushed. There are so many layers with this. I feel uncomfortable about all of it. When he talks about the details, I feel sick to my stomach. He's pushing for my siblings and I to meet her kids and hang out. I had told him a few months ago, that I support him but that I didn't feel comfortable participating in the ceremony, etc. He told me last week that I WOULD be participating in the ceremony. I really do support and respect my dad but I just don't want to participate in this. It feels disloyal to my mom and he's caught up in this whirlwind wedding. I feel uncomfortable. What can I do to get through this? How should I act? Is there something I can say or am I supposed to just put on a happy face and get thru it? I care about my dad and don't want him to think I am not supporting him. Just b/c he has moved on, doesn't mean others have. Any thoughts on this would be so appreciated. Thank you

HI, I lost my mom to alcoholism June 2014. I can relate to your story somewhat. My mom battled addiction for 20+ years. All of my siblings lived close but all of them would sit on the sidelines. I stayed connected to both my parents. My dad would lean on me for support b/c her addiction made her impossible to deal with.. so I would listen. My mom would frustrate me b/c she was an alcoholic but also stubborn.. and when I would go to her offering support, ultimatums, etc, she wouldn't listen. I would talk to my siblings about us needing to do something and while they all agreed, no one would step up. My mom died quickly. She developed jaundice and was gone in 2 days.. but I feel for years she was dying in front of all of us.. addiction is possibly different than anemia. My mom didn't want help but I am guessing your mom did.. and she looked to your brother for support. It's a huge role for him to take on but when your mom needed him most, at the end, he didn't show up. I get your frustrations. I feel the same way with my family.. everyone just sat on the bleachers. I also understand that just b/c you or I would do something one way doesn't mean that someone else does. Your story is heartbreaking and frustrating.. try to find peace with everything you did to help in your heart. Your brother/sister will have to face that within themselves.. and they may never. Know that you did the best you could. I'm so sorry about the loss of your mom!

lattiee, thanks for the note. I'm experiencing this same thing with my siblings.. I have 2 brothers and 1 sister. My sister and I are close, but not my brothers.. and it's getting worse. My dad is like your mom too, he's so family-oriented but can see that they is division with his family but ignores it. I do wonder if my dad is seeking out companionship b/c he's lonely. He will call me on and off and tell me how sad he is about the loss of my mom. I often wonder if him getting married so quickly is just a deflection of his feelings.

It's very comforting, on some level listening to your stories. My mom died from alcoholism.. and for years it was stressful, heartbreaking and stressful.. but it was the one issue that, on some level, kept our family tied. Now that she is gone, I see so many cracks (more than ever). As dysfunctional as it was, her addiction in some strange way, tied us together. Now it seems to have fallen apart. I've spent a lot of my life trying to keep everyone together (middle child) but it's gotten to the point where no one cares.. but I'm over here stressing about it. So both ChinUp54 and kayC stories resinate with me.. it gives me comfort and strength and almost an 'okay' to simply take care of myself I appreciate you sharing your stories with me. It has helped a ton

Marty, thank you for the article. It was very insightful and I could relate to it very much. ChinUp54! You get this It's almost like you heard the conversation between my sister and I tonight.. I told her, 'I need to just start doing things that make me feel good' .. and that means surrounding myself on holidays with people I love and cherish. I love my dad dearly but he's doing his own thing on his own. And I am planning on doing something special for my mom's birthday! Thank you for the suggestion. I am sorry your mom left you out of her wedding.. I can imagine being very hurt as well. I think my dad is rushing things so much to fill a void.. but I don't know if he even realizes it. I keep thinking, he's moving on but I am still grieving over the loss of a parent. Ok, thank you so much for your kind words and have a wonderful holiday as well!

hi, I had posted on this site previously after my mom died (6-27-2014).. since then I feel as though my family has fallen apart somewhat. My dad started to date about 8 months after my mom passed. My siblings were all ok with this.. some more than others, but we were ok. They got engaged this past Mother's Day (not very timely) and are rushing to the alter. I'm torn between wanting to be happy for him but there is an overwhelming feeling of not being ok with it. Every weekend is spent with his fiance. Holidays are now always spent with her and her family. He gushes about all of their wedding details but in all honesty I just want him to not talk about it. My mom's bday is thanksgiving this year and he barely remembered it and will be doing something with his fiance, of course. I swear I am not a bratty kid I truly want my dad happy. I realize it's NOT about me at all.. but why does it sting so much?

That might be a good idea I will suggest this to my dad.. I would think that would ease some anxieties.. thank you!

hi, it's been a while since I have been on this site. My mom passed away from alcoholism on June 27, 2014. I will be getting married in 2 weeks.. my dad started seeing someone a few months back, which I am very happy he is doing this. I have met her once and she seems nice. He wants to being her to my wedding.. which will be held at our house. No one else will have met her prior to this.. my sister is feeling emotional about it (she lives in Seattle).. I am not certain how to handle it.. she wants him to be happy but fears it will feel weird seeing my dad with someone other than her mom. I respect both sides of it but am not certain how to handle it.. any advice would be greatly appreciated.

hi, as a few of you may know my mom passed away last year on June 27 from alcoholism. This year, Mother's Day is also my dad's birthday.. as this day has been approaching, it's been weighing on him and myself heavily.. I am so concerned for his emotional state on this day.. I have been filled with worry about how the day will go.. I never stopped to think about my own emotional state.. Last night as my fiance and I were driving, I was looking at my Facebook feed.. as friends filled it with posts honoring their mothers.. I started to break down.. it never dawned on me that I would be affected, which doesn't even seem possible.. I was thinking so heavily about my dad that I wasn't concerned with myself. A flood of emotion came over me as I thought about last year at this time, realizing that she would only be on this earth a little over a month and then be gone. Truly I am doing good.. I have great support and have been able to keep my spirit afloat. I want to share my sympathy with others mourning a Mother's Day without their Mom this year. Hugs to all of you.