Gerimac

Sadly its not anticipatory anymore. Dad did get into the hospice on Monday and passed away so peacefully yesterday evening.

Thanks Ladies, I appreciate that The hospice nurse rang today, their admissions meeting is tomorrow so hopefully she'll be able to get him in. He needs to be medially assessed now. It has drastically gone down since he came out of the hospice with his sore knee. He does have a chest infection so we dont know if its something else and maybe if it is, they can sort it out or it could be the actual tumor. One of my sister's took my mum out for coffee and cake today and my other 2 sisters came down to help in case he got into that confused state. We have learnt over the week that it does take 2 people to sit with him to stop him trying to get up. I'm thinking of going back to my ballet classes, that way I'll get a bit of a break and one of my sisters offered to stay on a thursday evening until I get home. The way he is at the minute, we're looking at weeks not months before he passes. We're hoping he gets a bed early this week. The hospice havent been too great. Before he was discharged, we had a meeting and they promises this and that, one being a carer to come in through the health service but that didnt happen so basically my mum is the main carer. While my mum and eldest sister were out, myself and my other sisters all agreed that if this time they try to discharge and we dont feel he's well enough for home, we will refuse to take him home. I will update once I find out what happened at the admittance meeting Thank you for your thoughts and kind words xxxxx

Hi Everyone I know I havent posted or been on the site since October when my dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He had been doing well right up to Christmas. He got a sore knee just after Christmas which turned out to be gout and with his mobility problems he went into the hospice for respite. Since he got out, you can see him going downhill. He keeps getting these confusion spells. Last night myself and my mum were up til 4.30am, he was very aggitated, restless and couldnt settle. He were in and out to him. It happened the Friday so the hospice nurse had made a record for them to ring today and tomorrow. My mum told her about last night. She was great. She got an on call doctor to call out and he subscribed Xanex to calm him and also a sleeping tablet. He actually slept 5 hours today but when he woke up he was all confused and it took us a while to get him back in the bed. Is this aggitation normal with cancer, is it a sign he is nearing the final stage? I myself have changed or grown might be a better way of putting it. Sometimes its just sitting with him, holding his hand, fixing his hair. Just basically looking after him and showing him how much I care for him. He even said to my mum today, he didnt think I had that nursing ability in me He has latched onto me. He calls me his nurse. The other day when I was at work, my other sister was down in the house and he kept asking for me and referring to me as his nurse I'm trying to be calm and strong for my mum. She got a bit upset and one stage last night, she told me today just having me there last night for support was what she needed and then she calmed down. The hospice nurse is going to try and get a bed for him early next week. The danger is because of his mobility, when he gets confused he keeps trying to get up and he wants to go down and we cant let him. Has anyone experienced this, is this usual with cancer? Thanks. Geri

Hi Kole I'm pretty new to the group myself. I'm so sorry to read about your Grandma's illness. When you say it 'wrenches your heart'. I can relate to that feeling. My dad recently was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. It felt as if my heart had been cut up into tiny bits and it felt as if my insides had been shredded. It may sound a bit dramatic but its the only way I can express how it felt on the inside to get that news. I simply was heart broken all last week. I've posted separately myself but I only realised that all last week, since we got the news I've been going through anticipatory grief. I was feeling it physically as well.

Thanks Anne and Kayc I'm really glad I found this group. I really didnt know what was happening to me until I read this article which lead me to this group. I had another good day today so its as if I was in a fog last week. I'm one of the lucky ones where my father was diagnosed early and he is well at the moment, my heart goes out to those where its diagnosed late. Knowing you all are there makes a huge difference. We dont know how long he has before he starts going downhill, hopefully a few years as you said Kayc. I also felt angry, my dad has been through major operations and near colon cancer that we just thought that when the time came, it was would be easy - maybe going in his sleep. I did put that anger into action. I came across a Pancreatic Cancer Research Fund and have started making donations. It was interesting to read what their scientists are researching at the moment and one is early diagnosis. I also signed up so certain online shops donate a % of a sale to it. I feel as if I'm doing something useful. That was the other thing I felt, I felt completely useless. It was so hard and upsetting to realise that there was nothing I could do. I would even give him my pancreas if he could be operated on. KayC, my mum's best friend had alzheimers, I can only imagine how difficult it must be for yourself and your family. Geri

Hi Everyone I just wanted to introduce myself and tell my story and why I've joined the group. First of all, thanks Marty for accepting my registration and for the article you emailed me about grief and the lungs. My dad's 83, he has little bits wrong with him but overall he is in good health for his age. The main issues is that he has slight COPD, diabetes which is very mild and he has chronic pancreatitis. Every year, if not every 6 months he gets a ERCP scan done. It has always been clear. Two weeks ago he came down with an infection was quite confused and his GP suggested he go to hospital. They confirmed is was an infection and they decided to put a temp stent in. Years ago when first diagnosed with pancreatitis, he had a temp stent put in but only for a year or two. What we didnt know is that when they put the stent in, they took a biopsy of the pancreas and brushings from the bile duct. He was due to see the consultant in a few weeks as he had the scan done in June. What we didnt know was that they had found a 2cm lesion. A week ago on Friday, the doctor called for a meeting. I knew this was bad and had a bad feeling that it was going to be really bad news. He advised they had got the results back the day before and the 2 inch lesion was now 3.9 and that it was malignant adenocarcinoma. Because of his age and his lung problem operating was out of the question, our hopes were dashed on the Monday when the Oncology Team advised my dad that chemo does not react to pancreatic cancer. I had a really difficult and nightmarish week last week. I was finding it very hard to cope.I actually broke down in work during the week, my manger just grabbed me out to the toilets. I'm 40 but due to circumstances I live with my parents, I'm always around my dad and mam. I'm trying to be strong in front of them. Just thinking of my dad dying or not being here is enough to set off. I have to suck it up as it were but once I go to bed or if my parents arent around, I completely break down. I was even feeling it physically as well. I have asthma so for most of the week my lungs felt tight, I've felt this sharp pain to my back where my lung would be, I've had all sorts of aches all over that I couldnt figure out and thought it was medication that my own doctor had started me on last week, I stopped it and I was still feeling various aches in various areas. Things have improved and my lungs are nearly back to feeling normal. All the aches have gone as well. I've lost interest in alot of things. I didnt even want to go to work one of the days. I cancelled going to a friend's birthday dinner. One of two people in work were laughing at something and I was so tempted to turn around to tell them it wasnt funny. I was all over the place last week, nearly as if a fog was surrounding me. My sister went over to collect a prescription for dad from the GP. GP said he actually couldnt believe it as dad is healthy that he rang the doctor on the discharge report to make sure they hadnt mixed him up with another patient. He was convinced they had. He did say that my dad's age is an advantage that from experience the the tumour grows much slower with people in my dad's age group and even said he's even seen it in cases where it just stopped. Its only a small window of hope but even if dad got a few extra years, it would make a difference. Dad is in great form and you wouldnt think anything was wrong with him. Today is the first day my eyes havent welled up and I feel a bit normal again.