I lost my oldest brother on 11/7/2010 to a double lung transplant that didn't work. You get a call that they have the organs and then he is just gone. A yr later my mom got sick and after a long wasting illness where I watched her disappear a little each day she died on 12/24/12. My sister then passes away from cops on11/20/13. I have one brother still living and I take care of my dad who is almost blind and alone. I see him 3 to 4 times a week, do his shopping, cleaning, etc.
I am so tired. I am 54 yrs old and have a 20 yr old son at home as well as 14 yr old triplet girls. I have a hard time feeling much of anything anymore. My marriage, although a good one, has suffered. Now it's the holidays again. As you can see this time of yr brings back lots of bad memories from the past few years.
I feel sadness, guilt for things I feel I should have done better, my relationship with my remaining brother is somewhat strained...he doesn't do as much as he should to help with my dad and I resent it, but I don't say anything. I love my dad but he is 86 yrs old and I just am hoping he dies before I have to put him in a home. He is very frustrating to deal with and I selfishly just want to be able to deal with my own home and family instead of his home and needs. This makes me feel like a horrible person.
I feel like I am literally dying from all these things, like death is all around me