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Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Eoneal46

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  • Posts

    6
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Previous Fields

  • Date of Death
    12/24/2012
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Central Iowa hospice Perry Ia

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Madrid iowa
  1. DReams can be unsettling. I had an awful one last night about my mom. I was posting yesterday about the guilt I had about her death so I think this triggered my dream...it amazing they are almost like a full length movie though I know they don't last that long in reality. I do take antidepressants and this is one Of the side effects of that, or can be. I think the suggestions above are good ones. I do think that some aspects of dreams can be healthy, it is our minds way of dealing with our feelings. Hang in there. You are probably stressed. As unsettlingg as they can be, realize that it is a very normal thing and you are not alone.
  2. Thank you all for the encouragement and information. I have shared more in these posts than I ever have out loud. Last year at this time I was positively suicidal and I went to see a psychiatrist only to have the first step be to review my ins benefits to find that I simply could not afford their prices..I walked out of that office so distraught...no help to be found there. I get by. With an antidepressant and Xanax but it just masks what's simmering inside me. I think I will check into the hospice groups that I have received information on. Much of this bubbles up this time of year. My mom died on Christmas eve and let's just say that I no longer find advent calandars quaint. The rest of the world is anxiously awaiting it and I am dreading it. I'm just at the point where this all is making me feel physically I'll...tired all the time, no exhausted all the time, sick to my stomach and just so sad and some days seem hopeless. I will check out the sites you gave and again thank you all. It does help to realize that there are many others out there who have gone through these same things...you all have lost your loved ones too, my losses are not any different. I meet many people around my age who are caring for a parent. We are lik a little quiet army walking around out there, all of us day by day. I want my life back looking at the family genes I don't know how much life I have left and I need to make some changes to accomplish this. Thank you again, your time is precious too and it's nice to know I'm not alone.
  3. These stories are ver sweet. I made our wedding rings 26 yrs ago when I worked in a dental lab. The process for making jewelry and crowns and partial dentures is the same. They are precious to us both and strong...10ct dental gold...ha ha. Wedding rings are so symbolic and I'm glad ours are made of stronger metal...maybe they all should be. I don't think it is odd the consider yourselves still married. Obviously that lady didn't have a good experience.
  4. Thank you for your kind words. No I have not grieved and that is part of why I feel so much guilt. I did get some time to grieve for my brother but to be honest, moms death was a relief to me. I was the one who administered the morphine at the end that in reality finished her off...more guilt. At that time my attention focuses on my dad and trying to fill the void for and it has taken me two years to realize that I simply can't do that for him. My sisters death came after many hospitalizations and I was the one standing at the hardware store to get th call she had coded and was gone. I went to the hospital and stood there looking at her and didn't feel as much as I should have...relief again because she had been in the process of moving in with my dad to "help out" which to me meant that I was now going to have two people to care for...more guilt. My brother lives an hr and a half away and is on disability. He could do more. I know he loves my dad but he is just not going to be reliable for much. He wants my dad to visit him but with my dads vision and confusion it just doesn't work. It ends up being more disruptive for my dad. I don't know I don't mean to be a baby, but you know what??? I am the baby of the family and I wasn't raised for this role you know??? That's a funny and ironic fact. I just have pushed down my feelings so much that I don't feel much at all anymore. My kids and husband get shorted in the end...guilt again. I just want to get out of this vicious cycle. Thank you again...you are right I do need to be more honest with my brother and I will work on that.
  5. I lost my oldest brother on 11/7/2010 to a double lung transplant that didn't work. You get a call that they have the organs and then he is just gone. A yr later my mom got sick and after a long wasting illness where I watched her disappear a little each day she died on 12/24/12. My sister then passes away from cops on11/20/13. I have one brother still living and I take care of my dad who is almost blind and alone. I see him 3 to 4 times a week, do his shopping, cleaning, etc. I am so tired. I am 54 yrs old and have a 20 yr old son at home as well as 14 yr old triplet girls. I have a hard time feeling much of anything anymore. My marriage, although a good one, has suffered. Now it's the holidays again. As you can see this time of yr brings back lots of bad memories from the past few years. I feel sadness, guilt for things I feel I should have done better, my relationship with my remaining brother is somewhat strained...he doesn't do as much as he should to help with my dad and I resent it, but I don't say anything. I love my dad but he is 86 yrs old and I just am hoping he dies before I have to put him in a home. He is very frustrating to deal with and I selfishly just want to be able to deal with my own home and family instead of his home and needs. This makes me feel like a horrible person. I feel like I am literally dying from all these things, like death is all around me
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