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lattiee

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About lattiee

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    billings,mt

Previous Fields

  • Date of Death
    05-07-15
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Riverstone Hospice Billings,MT

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  1. Well, I am one who has a anxiety & panic disorder along with depression. Well, when fuzzy was around he would help me out and calm me down to help me feel better now he has been gone for like 9 months already hard to believe. The shortness of breath and the chest pains are scary too along with feeling like your never going to stop crying. As , I am not a person who cries in front of people as I rather cry by myself . So when the death was recent with fuzzy and I had to go out into public which I just felt like I was going to break down in the store that I would get a frappe from Starbucks and suck on it so I didn't go crying like a maniac in the store while reading a archie comics !! Also, I found that doodling or coloring helped me relax my anxiety a bit more. I do know that some people do painting.
  2. Hello, I am new to these boards

    I am so sorry for the loss of your son and of your mom . I also so sorry the sweet dog is going thru a hard time of grieving also. Sudden Unexpected death is so difficult to go thru .
  3. How do you prefer to be asked about your losses ? As I have noticed some people thinking it's more tactful to say can you please share about your loss with the group but I have found that when people use that way of asking its more upsetting for them and I feel like if I say can you share your story with the rest of the group its much more easier for the person to talk about the ones they lost .
  4. Many times I keep this story of my life hidden because of a decision that I had to make and feel like at times many times I end up being judge by that decision I made. We ended up ttcing the winter of 2001 so then I ended up getting my first bfp on Feb 12,2002 . I was so excited I was gonna be a first time mommy .I told mom and the rest of my family right away that I was expecting a child . To top it off two of my other cousins were expecting babies too so I was like we could have a full group of close cousins together with only little bit of months/weeks apart. My mom was going wild with getting baby stuff like the bouncer , the bassinet , the exersaucer all that stuff and she sent me those pics in the mail . As it was getting closer to June I was thinking of like fly out like in July end up having a baby shower in July that my mom was gonna host and invite many people to the baby shower . Well, I had many ultrasounds even one at 18 weeks after I ended up getting sick since I had very severe morning sickness .The ob told me all was well and she set me up to check to see what my baby was going to be on June 14 , 2002 . So I was like ok I'm going to start buying stuff so I bought a crib winnie the pooh bedding and a playmat . So then the 20 wk ultrasound comes around on June 14, 2002 they are all looking at all these others saying we see normal heart , this is normal and this normal then they get quiet at the brain they run to get someone who looks and says to me looks like your baby has holorencephaly which is a brain malformation so then they sent me to speak with my ob who told me my child only had 1% survival rate . I also had a amnio that day too. I was like what and my ob set up for a termination at a abortion clinic on June 17,2002 . I went researching for information on HPE didn't find anything but very poor quality of life of stuff . I kept going thru my head what if there is a error and my baby don't have the brain issue that they say she had even tho the brain u/s pic that I saw looked like a cone with a melted ice cream on the bottom of it . I kept thinking at times what if they are wrong and the brain issue isn't as bad as they make it out to be and she is like me with simlar problems like me . Then I kept thinking what if she did make it and end up in total poor quality of life being on oxygen suffering from terrible pain had continous seizures was just at a vegative state that just could look around but not really do anything at all. I was so concerned about the quality of life that I didn't want to risk the chance of having my child face a misery of days of pain and a life of vegative state . That I prayed n prayed over about then I went to the abortion clinic on June 17,2002 to start my termination and then June 18, 2002 it was showing i wasn't dilating yet so the nurse put a gel on me to help me progress . Later on June 18, 2002 I ended up with major back pain turned out it was back labor was rushed to the abortion clinic/hospital . I kept asking to check me they told me they couldn't check me . I was laboring in terrible back pain they put me on pit which made the pain worse . They gave me a shot of demerol that didn't do anything . I told them I felt something wanting to try to come out so they told me to get back into bed n stay in bed after the lamniara insertions came out but I went to the bathroom pushed and had the baby in the toilet they shooed me out of the bathroom told me to not try to grab the baby out of the water and put my baby in a pitcher with the toilet water. That abortion clinic was a terrible nightmare . I kept begging for sleeping shot they go your not having trouble sleeping saying I was sleeping even tho i was just laying there with my eyes closed . It was absolutely terrible . I spent many times being angry at my ob for sending me to that clinic wishing I would have had a induction at a hospital so I could had pics, foot prints and hand prints . Like in the years of the 2006 I found out that there were kids who did survive with HPE and that some were not as bad and some were bad but short lived . Sometimes I still feel guilty about it and sometimes in the back of my head I do go I wonder if I did make the wrong decision back then because if I knew of any good Hopeful stories of HPE then I probably would have continued on with the pregnancy but I didn't find any til 4 years after I did the termination . Plus,what was also even worse coming home from the abortion clinic after you had lost your baby is seeing the baby stuff at your front door that you purchased two weeks ago. It was a real hard thing to go thru and then a month after what was supposed to be the due date I went to London in Nov. Then on Jan 16 , 2003 I found out I was pg and I didn't share with my SO then because I was so nervous about how to share with him about me being pg again . I went to ob no other ob's really wanted to take me after they found out I had a abnormal u/s and ended up with a termination told me i should just terminate the baby because once you have a abnormal baby your gonna have another so I kept getting no help from any ob or any u/s. So, then when I was 10 wks pg I started spotting and went to the ER they told me I lost the baby so then I went to the other ob who confirmed that I lost the baby at 6 wks and 5 days . She told me after she heard of my termination story reason and me having a mmc that I should just get dono eggs that I would never be able to have a bio child of my own so she set me up wit a d&c but i didn't go to that d&C appt why would i with her attitude like that . I figured I would had naturally miscarried and my so then still didn't know I was pg but then in the bathroom I started severely to bleed was feeling dizzy . Ended up having a emergency D&C the next morning . I did get to have my rainbow child which is my son who is almost 13 years old . He has all normal chromsomes and he's my bio child . When I was pg with him I attended all my appts alone and I never got a baby shower with him.
  5. On June 19 it will be 7 months since Fuzzy passed away. When each marker goes by of the 19th I keep on thinkng this many months without Fuzzy kisses . Fuzzy was such a kissing piggy and when I was so upset with sad tears he would lick them away . It's so hard to be without those kisses that even tho I know not many piggies give kisses that he and Felecia were the only kissing pigs I had out of all the other many guinea pigs . In the back of my mind I know our now 8 month old guinea pigs boogies and poppy more likely won't be kissing piggies but to me I wish they were but they are not so I feel a bit disappointed at times that they are not kissing piggies even tho I love them tons and I really enjoy them tons but it just seems like my mind and heart are hoping for a kiss from them but when that don't happen its like kinda of feeling like I'm heart broken when no kiss occurs from them even tho our cat gives me kisses and tries to soothe me but its not the same . Do you guys know how long it will be until I stop feeling disappointed with a broken heart because our piggy boys are not kissing piggies how long will it be until I get over of the missing kisses from my fuzzy .
  6. empty

    sad
  7. Saw Fuzzy Twin at the Pet Store today

    But then at times strange things have happened as when I had pookie the hamster and it was a she it seemed like pookie spirit got into my first guinea pig Felcia as it seemed as if Felecia knew me then when we got fuzzy it seemed like Fuzzy ended up knowing me even tho he was a boy. Felecia and Fuzzy had the similar colorings but felecia didn't have the cowlick. For some reason I seem to go for calico , dark brown and white , light brown and white, black, black and white , black and light brownish orange , even our cat is a black and white cat !! I think it's like what in the world and more likely most of the piggies I have chosen ended up being boys including our cat Mr. Blackie who is a boy . . Even with me seeing boogies and poppy at first I was only get one piggy because fuzzy was an only piggy . So then I couldn't make up my mind between the two !! i loved Boogies Cowlick looked like a unicorn cowlick hairdo and Poppy little Badger face that reminded me of the black and white badger from those story books especially the toad and willow book. Then to choose two boys who get a long great which they are still doing great together . Plus, its like Boogies is a family piggy he loves to both share with both me & my son Brendan. While Poppy is a Mommy's Boy !!
  8. As, many of you know that Fuzzy passed away in Nov so we are reaching the 5 month marker a week from today . I went to Petsmart today and I was looking in the guinea pig cage and there were 2 new guinea pigs. One guinea pig looked like a total copycat of Fuzzy except younger than when we had ended up with Fuzzy since we got Fuzzy when he was drop off at the other pet store due to his owners moving away . As , this piggy had the same body color as in the same brown color, same white on the back and the same brown & white cowlick. It's like very like what in the world you know ? It's like you going thinking in your head did someone find my piggy got him better and then sent him there or you thinking how did someone get my piggy in there even tho its not really Fuzzy . It's like I am glad I found two other piggies that don't look alike as my older ones that passed even tho my son at first did want a exact replica of Fuzzy but too me i think a exact replica would be too emotional and that maybe sometimes you might forget that the look alike piggy would be a new one and refer to it like the older one.
  9. 3 month angelversary of Fuzzy

    This is Fuzzy .
  10. 3 month angelversary of Fuzzy

    Laura , Those Two Piggies are the brothers Boogies and Poppy they are still alive that are in the pictures
  11. Today it has been 3 months since Fuzzy said good bye to us ! Sometimes it is like wow 3 months since we last held him and 3 months since we gave him kisses. It seems unreal at times that at times like knowing he has gone from being around for many years like for the past 4 years and now he's gone . It's like at times you go ask yourself was he really here ? Even tho you know he was here for many years and you still miss him being around of his little snuggles and cuddles . Including when you would get his treats ready watching his ears flap as he was wheeking for his treats . He will always be in our heart and our two piggy boys will hear about their grandpa Fuzzy . As Boogie and Poppy are cute characters they make you laugh when they start chasing each other around as Poppy gets tired of the chasing and Boogie is like brother I'm not done yet with the tag game so he gets Poppy to chase him for a bit more . When it is treat time they will all gather around the front of the cage eagerly waiting for their goodies !! I have even created a play yard for them so I can clean their cage easier and they get to run around during cage cleaning time . On Wednesday I'm taking these two boys to get a well check at a different Vet Place as in to get them checked for Mites, Lice and any Fungus issues . As, I would have had them checked in January but with it being so freezing cold after I got them I didn't want to bring them out into the freezing cold especially with them being young uns . So Wednesday is gonna be a warm day for them so I'm hoping all is good and they will ride in Mr Blackie Cat carrier
  12. Wel, anyways my cousin who is the same age as me as in 39 years old with two older boys . One of her son's is 2 months younger than my son so they are both 12 yrs old. and that cousin brother just turned 10 years old. So then few years back this same cousin was pg with a baby girl who was born stillborn due to cord wrapped around her daughter neck . So then this cousin just ended up giving birth to her rainbow baby a little baby girl !!! Even tho I'm happy for her its like jealous going wow she gets to add to her family when she is almost 40 years old. It's like I am jealous of my family members who have 2 or above kids due to the fact I end up having two losses before I had my special son who will be 13 years old in August . Many times I had plans of having like 4 kids to each be 2 years apart like to have one child to be so then when it would be like with 4 kids it would be like if things had worked out with my ex it would had been like with me having kids with this age 12, 10,8 and 6. It would be like I would have a first grader, 3rd grader, 5th grader and a 7th grader . Which I'm happy that I have my son with me as I never thought I was ever going to be a mom due to my losses . I feel disappointed that I couldn't have more kids to have my son have siblings close to age to play with . I know many times he does wish he did have siblings so when none of his friends are around to play wth so he could have siblings to play games with each other. Plus, when my son was 4 years old up to 7 I had explored around get AI as in to get donor stuff delivered to me then I would do the AI myself since I so wanted another child when my son was arouund those ages but all that stuff was just to expensive . Now , at times I'm like going if I was with someone would I want to have kids at the age of being almost 40 as sometimes I am like well in 5 years my son would be a senior in high school. I know how quick school years can go like from 0 to 6 to 12. So then my son is wanting to go to college in Denver so like in 6 years my son could be going to college in Denver . Which would mean I would be without a kid to be in charged of anymore as since Fuzzy passed away at age 4 their is a possiblity those two piggies we got in Jan could be gone by then and our cat who is almost 12 years old would he make to be have 6 more years on him or will it be less ? Sometimes I'm like thinking oh how my cousins who will still have kids to raise while I would be with Empty Nest as like sometimes its like I'm at relief about not being with kids being 5 while their sibling is a senior then in ways its like boy those people won't be alone until like for like having like 12 years extra with their youngest ones its like my son could be in his 30's by the time my cousin kid would graduate from highschool. So then sometimes I think they are lucky on that as they won't be alone for quite awhile. So, then many times when our cousins have a baby usually other family members get pg and have a baby 9 to 12 months apart . So then with it being as their could only be 2 people in our family that would add to make cousins to be close in age is my brothers family and my SIL brother . So then I'm kinda nervous since when I was first pg with my little girl before I lost her I had a end of October Due Date so I know I'm like fearing what if my brother family end up having a due date in Nov that would be on the exact date of Fuzzy passing which would be a 1 year angelversary.so then I am hoping if any other family is going to be having any future pgcy that I hope its like Dec-May . It's like what if is a Nov due date for both of my brother and my SIL brother . Then when I will hear how excited they are going to have little ones in Nov while I would be wanting to look forward to become a Auntie of my brother 3rd child but then I question would it be hard because it would be a year after bad memories with a loss .
  13. Well, on Jan 19 it marked the 2 month angelversary of our beloved Fuzzy piggy of 4 yrs so then it had been almost 2 months without having any piggies as in guinea pigs to hold , to listen too and too look at after having him to hold every day for 4 yrs so then we had a almost 2 month break of being without piggies so on Jan 4th we adopted two boy piggies as in Boogie and Poppy . Sometimes while I'm holding them n out of a slip I go look how cute Fuzzy is without realizing I said that til afterwards even tho I know they are not Fuzzy and I wonder why do I do that or almost call them Fuzzy when I'm holding them that I catch myself almost doing that n stop myself from doing that it's like am I doing it out of a habbit and how long does it take to get out that habit ?
  14. Boogie and Poppy !

    Yep he's thrilled . He's loving on them and I had to order a no drip water bottle got two water bottles yesterday and both are dripping continously so I'm like Ugh as I don't want the little one's to be sitting in a pile of leaking water when its below zero out or get water in ears or up their noses . They are indoors nice warm in here but still I don't like them having the dripping water . They also are both boys !
  15. Boogie and Poppy !

    My 12 yr old son named our new family members 2 boys !
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