Thank you so much to you all. I am sorry I have been a while returning. Been struggling most days. carriemitch I also feel your pain. So the pain doesn't ease ? It's so hard getting up. Even with kids. I go to the crem and cry so hard. I don't want to forget her voice , smell and touch. She too always managed to laugh. I miss that very much. One I start crying i don't want to stop. It's so hard going to work with a smile as people think you're ok Now. I suppose this is all normal. I know I will never get used to this emptiness and miss the bond we had. How can we ever get past these such deep deep sad empty feelings . Love to you all