Suitearia

Good morning. I don't know if our loved ones back Home grieve as we grieve but I had an experience not long ago. One morning as I was in that sleep/wake state with my eyes still closed I saw a cell phone. On the screen I saw these words "from Ric". Then I saw these words "I love you" "I miss you" and "I wish you were here". So yes, I think that our loved ones can and do miss us, but I also believe that those emotions will not be exactly like we experience in our physical body with our human limitations. They are ever around us, but sometimes we just cannot feel them, hear them, or recognize a sign when it comes. Early in my greiving last year I had some experiences that I believe were permitted because I needed to be reassured that he was ok and hadn't forgotten about me and because he needed to "touch" me as well. But as they heal and realize that we are doing well they begin to fully appreciate being Home and all the experiences that come with that. I would tell Clematis that your father knows that you've moved (or are moving); all is well there. God's love and angel blessings to all of us on this site and to me as well ...

There is never a need to apologize here for your feelings - we've all been there and experienced what you are feeling. Even today, 13 months after my husband died, I look at pictures and wonder "how can this be" and it feels surreal. The positive here is that you went to the casino anyway (my Ric loved the casino and playing a bit of poker) and played a bit (coming home a bit richer)

Hello Butch. I haven't posted in quite a long time. My husband, Ric, died 5/1/15 and now I'm with my father who has been admitted to hospice. Even a year later it feels surreal that Ric is "gone from my sight" and I still replay the morning I had walked to the bathroom and when returning to the side of his hospital bed I was told "he just expired". What a harsh word that is but I suppose any word used to say your loved one died would be harsh. I have learned over this past year that I don't think of 6:30am on 5/1/15 as often and while it can still bring tears they aren't as intense. My thoughts and prayers are with you and every person that shares their loss, every person that supports each of us here, and those individuals that prefer to read and manage their grief privately.

Hello Ricky. I am so sorry for your loss and this is a good place to share and be a part of a community. I lost my Ric on May 1st from metatstatic cancer. He'd been ill many years and while I new he was dying, hearing the words "I'm sorry but he just expired" ripped my world and my soul in 2. I've gotten a lot of help here from people who've been on our path for many years. Hang in there Ricky ... hang in there.

I too am in the place of having to change things ... one of the things that hit me the first of August is that Fort Lauderdale is not my home and that while I came with my husband I'm leaving alone. He's still w/me in spirit but you understand what I'm saying. I put our house in Indiana on the market Thursday 9/10 when I go back there. I have to move from this condo as it's more than I can afford and 20 floors up sometimes I feel far far away. On 9/22 the furniture consignment folks pick up the rest of our stuff ... it's all too big for me and won't fit into the 1 bedroom apartment I'm going to move into. Plus the cost of moving it is too much for me. Now I'm sleeping in the living room (I started to sleep there, where his hospital bed was, when Erika was coming toward S FL and the lightening and storms were hitting us. I've felt him nudging me to go buy myself a new bed, and I will. The blow up mattress will only work for so long. That means that I started going through his clothes this weekend and that has been very hard. I cry and smell them to see if there's anything left of him. It feels wrong to go through and give his things away (I'm keeping some clothing and shoes that I just cannot part w/yet ... and jewelery too). Yet I'm excited to to begin anew in a new community, in a new apartment. And you know what ... Ric will right there with me. And I'll have friends there ...

Debi ... give him time. He may need to heal a little bit and get used to his new life. He may have been trying to get through to you and just cannot. I've read that when we are so raw and emotional after grief that it can be hard for them to get through. I've read a lot of books on grief, a lot. My favorite remains one by Doreen Virtue and James Van Praagh called "how to heal a broken heart". On page 5 they talk about sending healing prayers to Heaven. Here is what the authors say " Heaven sends you healing prayers and you can send them back to heaven! Pray for your loved ones in Spirit, sending then love and asking God, Jesus, and the angels to help them as they transition into the afterlife". Don't forget to ask God, Jesus, and the angels to send you love to heal and help you transition in your new life as well. My therapist just reminded me of that one ... This meant a lot to me as it gave me something to DO for Ric. I could still love him and touch him through prayer. I hope that this doesn't offend you ... Our loved ones are around us. Sometimes it takes us awhile to realize it ... and I'll confess Debi, I've been jealous when I wasn't getting anything and others were (and not just here). {hugs to you}

I too have had some mystical experiences and still do ... I remember one morning hearing my name shouted and it literally shocked me away. Then I realized the call had come from inside of me and I quickly sent the words by thought "I'm here Ric". Sometimes I'm awakened, and go to sleep, just feeling his energy move over my body. When I feel the energy I send the thought "I feel you". It is comforting to me to know that there are times that he's still close to me. I also forgot to mention that I FINALLY saw him in full technicolor (almost 120 days after he died) last Monday morning. I remember I came out of terminal (like an airport or bus terminal) and I just stood there looking. I turned to my right and there he was, Mr. Handsome Man. It was raining, and he was standing under an umbrella ... strong and healthy ... and he looked happy. He was also standing in front of his new 5 series BMW that he'd bought just before he died (that I had to return to the dealer). I was really happy to see that he had his car. Then he waved at me and I started moving toward him. Then the closer I got the dream faded and I woke up. I was so happy and so grateful for my dream.

Hello Saint ... I do know how you feel. Ric and I were together 24/7 and we moved to Florida because he was born in the south (Mobile) and wanted to go south and secondly he didn't want to die in Indiana. I don't have any friends here ... the few that came to see Ric have moved on. So I'm very isolated. My lease ends in Dec and I've decided not to renew it. It isn't good for me to be in such isolation ... that is clear to me now. I will put our house on the market in Sept when I go back to Indiana to visit family. We had already planned to do that ... I am so sorry for your loss Saint, and for your's too Andre, and for you too Kevin. What a roller coaster ride this is ... a ride that never seems to end.

Maryann I did read that story after you posted it and I was so jealous! I didn't start really meditating until 7/3 ... and now I'm hooked. My struggle has been with reconciling past religious teachings with how my life and my spirituality is changing. My sister will say "what are you reading" and I'll say "Adventures of the Soul" and she'll say "Oh". She'd really croak if she knew that I had Dr. Brian Weiss's book "Only Love is Real" talking about past life regression. I find that I just want to see what people have to say about everything ... I will tell you booking that course in Austin was such a struggle for me as I battled the should I or shouldn't I routine. Finally I just hit the submit button and I was committed. Then I went to book airfare and accidentally booked it for San Antonio ... not sure how I made that costly mistake. I got the hotel right though

I took my first solo trip driving from Fort Lauderdale to Sarasota (not far about 3.5 hours) last weekend; but at one point I had a panic attack and had to pull off of the road. I drove down a little road in the middle of the Everglades and let my head clear and my heart stop racing before I got back on the road and finished my trip. I drove home without incident. I also called EAP this week and I meet with the counselor next Wed. Next month I fly home to Indiana, then to Vegas with my sister for a dental convention :-), then the following week to Austin to see a medium and take a workshop (meditation techniques and such ... which works for me since my woo-woo woman has come out of hiding). I will tell you that the first time I went to the beach after Ric died all I could see were the couples and families. I really felt my loss that day. But now I notice the silly (and sometimes nasty) things that people are doing on the beach and I think (don't you realize that people can see you doing that?). Or that those photos are going to land on the internet ....

Maryann I feel the same way. Ric was my second marriage (the first ended in divorce due to domestic abuse). At this point in my grief I just cannot imagine having another relationship. I just don't want to go through all the "getting to know you stuff" again. I would like to use what time I have left to leave a positive imprint on the world; to find my soul's true purpose and and then put that into action. In mid July I got a letter from the "Living Memorial Program" that Fred Hunter Funeral Home had made a request on our behalf that a tree seedling be planted in a national forest to serve as memorial for Ric. That really touched me ... "The significance of a unique life is symbolized with the planting of a tree". The letter said that to date 13 million trees had been planted as living memorials.

I agree with Andre and Maryann. I'm 3 months in ... sometimes I want to cry when driving and of course I cannot drive and cry too well so I stuff it. Then when I get home, the urge to cry is lost. A week or so ago I wanted to meditate. I sat down and started my deep breathing but something was wrong .... I just started to feel agitated and knew that I couldn't settle. So I got up and all of a sudden I just started to cry. I cried and cried until I was worn out. Sometimes when I meditate, I cry. That seems to be a safe place for me to cry. I have a picture I kiss goodnight too as well. I will tell Ric with my thoughts "I know that you aren't in this picture, but I cannot see you. Your picture I can see so I kiss it". There is no right or wrong to this journey; but I'd say this ... allow yourself to FEEL your grief. That is what I'm learning ... to give myself permission to FEEL.

I am going to see the medium James Van Praag. For me Friday is watching to see how it works and Saturday is the workshop. I will definitely share for anyone who is open to mediumship.

It was terrifying KayC and thank you for the support. I contacted my EAP this morning and have a list of providers to choose from. I sent the list to a nurse that I know to see if she has heard anything about these people ... then I'll make the appointment. September will be interesting. I am going back to Indiana to see family and friends and to put the house on the market. Then my sister talked me into going w/her to a dental convention in Vegas. I have conflicting feelings about Vegas but it will be good to just have 1:1 time with my sister. The following week I decided to attend a workshop by James Van Praagh in Austin. If I'm to help others, as you and the other more advanced members do, then I have to do the work to heal ... or I cannot help anyone.

Marty ... I love the pooh bear and quote. I am also taking it for myself as well. I have had a Boyd Bear that looks like a Pooh Bear that I've had for almost 20 years. Luna, I am so sorry for your loss. On August 1st my husband had been gone 3 months. He'd been ill for many years; but regardless of how the moment of physical death comes it's no less shocking or devastating. I send you prayers ... I send my husband love everyday. That is something that I can do and now, after all of these weeks, sometimes, when I'm very very still I can feel the love coming back. ((here's a hug for you))