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About scba

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  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    my boyfriend
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  1. Katie, I send you hugs, we are praying for your family. You have done nothing wrong.
  2. Dear Gwen, I too understand. I am in year 4 and I don't relive the images of the last week of my boyfriend as often as before. They are not intrusive, sometimes flashbacks. However, I don't need any help nor any tool to describe those days in whole detail, it is all printed in my memory and in my heart and I will remember every detail for the rest of my days. I don't mind anymore if it is labelled as trauma. I didn't ask for it but it happened. Before, I felt blessed and lucky. After, I never felt better than anyone else about my love story. I spent lot of time feeling cursed and disgraced, blaming myself, a victim of some destiny game. I am working very hard to change that. After 4 years, this whole horrible thing, this bill I am paying, is becoming the spiritual journey of my life. My love story questions me every day, but on a deeper level. My external life is set up as any other. A job, bills to pay, rent a place, groceries, gossip and etc. But my spirit is busy somewhere else. I live two lives now and I guess it will be this way for a long time. Again, I didn't ask for it but it happened. My therapist pointed the overthinking. I cannot help it. Peace. Ana
  3. Hello Katie, my heart goes out to you. To say that I cannot imagine is a dumb comment. We cannot. There are no words. I don't know what to say to you that could be proper, but please don't think that it's your fault what happened to your children. George put well into words. It's not your fault. Thanks for sharing Ryan pcitures with us, and for thinking of us in such a difficult circumstance. You heart is very big. Your family is in my thoughts and here we all care about you. Keep coming. Ana
  4. Hello Steph, My boyfriend's precence, or coincidences, have been related to music and total strangers helping me in moments of true trouble. I believe it's his "energy"/"power", not sure if precence. He visits me in my dreams too, but that's another issue in itself. Lately these dreams have been more focused on my need to be with him rather than him playing an active role in the dream. He`s the love of my life. I don't know how to continue without him. I do, but clueless. Peace. Ana
  5. On Women's day (I don't own the following. It's a post from facebook and translated). "You may not notice that she is broken. That you can continue despite a broken heart. I know she has one. Because she needs a piece of it that will never find again; she will live forever without that piece. With an unarmed heart that will never be the same again. However, she stands. She stands up and you may not notice her limp. She goes; she keeps living with those pieces that were left to her, knowing that she will never complete the puzzle that lays on the table. She keeps walking with that emptiness embedded in her chest, she keeps playing with what she still has. She hides the pain coming from the piece that is missing. She rests. She is not healing. She will not heal. She knows it. However, she stands up with the strength of the one who knows that this is how life will be. She already understood that. She knows she lost the battle. She knows. But she can laugh. And sometimes she enjoys the moment. With the awareness that her heart is still broken. She lost just what she did not have to lose. Of all the possible things that she shouldn’t have to lose. And she lost it. And it hurts in the chest and soars in the throat. Strange. She does not hold on to anything that distracts her from the ultimate truth that he is not there and that he will not come back. But she moves forward. Sometimes she stumbles, but stumbles looking at the sky. She continues for what she still has. Does not look for replacements. Broken people keep walking. And she hurts. And she doesn’t deny it. She is not brave. She is not a hero. She isn’t strong. She is simply a woman who, still broken, walks on".
  6. Dear Mitch, I understand what you mean. I think any of us felt the same about our spouses. We could replace names ages and pronouns, and we all feel the same about them and about loosing them. My boyfriend was 31. . I have the same questions you make. I firmly believe he would have been one of those people who would have made a bunch of difference in his world. Why he was taken away from us? There is a book that offers a reply, but it's too sad. Probably because it's true. The best, they just leave earlier. I don't know. In the end It doesn't matter. I'm too at year 3, and during this time I have accepted what I carry with me because of this love that death did not killed. It doesn't make my life easier, it questions me every day about every aspect of an enxistence I never thought would be the result of true love. We are here to confort you when there is no much confort to give. But we understand. Peace.
  7. I strongly advice yoga practise. I am not the yoga type of person (fitness, flexible, vegetarian, philosophical). But you don't need to be any of that to start. My job is a desk computer type. My neck was hurting and after a while it didn't hurt, because it was already contracted and damaged. My wrists and low back were in pain too. Headaches started, no pills were enough. Against my will and with a dose of sckepticism, I went to yoga. I felt the results a year later. My neck is doing better and when it doesnt, my body sends an alarm right away to get me back on track. With yoga, and surely with any excersice, you realise how bad you were before. And about grief, with yoga you have to learn to stay focused on what you are doing, and for an hour your thoughts are somewhere else.
  8. "Have you ever tried sleeping with a broken heart? Well, you could try sleeping in my bed" (Alicia Keys) It's been 4 years 1460 days Walking on a life that feels like a whole desert With the awareness of carrying a broken heart. My therapyst suggested me to think about to make a friend in the new town I live. Nothing deep, just to open up a little more. I have acquitances here, work colleagues, neighbours, people from yoga. But they're not friends. But in the end of everyday I walk home to be alone and to speak to no one. When my bf was alive, I worked on the weekends to make extra money. Mondays were my day off. I've now Friday evenings, Sat and Sun free, what a luxury!....for nothing, for just being with me. I decided to meet a possible friend, someone new in town too. It went all wrong. I make every single effort every day, to go on, to carry on, to carry with One feet in front of the other. But I feel grief has ruined my life and hasn´t healed me. ITs been too long, 4 years, how many more years. I don't know what went wrong, when everything started to get wrong, cause that's the way it feels. I know this too shall pass. It's very difficult to carry a broken heart. Good night to everyone who struggles too to sleep with a broken heart.
  9. I wonder that many times, and my counselor asked me once. I think my bf would have handled better, but he was very sick. His sister told me that I've been the reason why he endured so much medical ordeal to heal, that I was the reason for his fighting. Without me, would he have kept fighting? I don't know. I echo you.
  10. Dear Gwen, I know I cannot offer any good help, but I understand you on that line. I'm experiencing sth similar about it. It's embarrasing.... A friend is going to meet my ex boyfriend in a couple of weeks when he travels to where he lives. It's been 15 years, there is nothing left and I never met him again. Never missed him. I got suddenly overwhelmed, I was so tempted to call my ex, or to ask my friend to bring news from him, to invite him visit us....If I call he may reply, because HE IS ALIVE AND MY BOYFRIEND ISN´T!!!! He is alive and maybe we could talk about the past and our memories together......and so my mind got lost in a soap opera script. But there's a time when mirages dissapear and you're back to where you are left. You face the truth. I need MY TRUE LOVE TO BE ALIVE, TO COME BACK. I NEED HIM, I NEED HIS LOVE. I NEED THE PAST TO BE CHANGED. I NEED HIS HUMAN BEING TO EXIST. These fancy dates should dissapear. I'm tired, I guess as everybody here.
  11. Tom, I loved St John. What a beautiful place, beautiful sea.
  12. "Grieving people are annoying"

    http://www.timjlawrence.com/blog/2016/3/23/wallowing Grievers are not annoying nor wallowing. That is one of my fav posts about, from Tim Lawrence's blog.
  13. That I cannot understand. How could we widows/ers be a threat and to what exactly? Whoever thinks that/makes you feel that way, doesn't deserve any minute from your time or energy.