Ceili

Good work Angel. I know how hard this is for you. I am very proud of what you are doing. Thoughts and prayers.

Hi willow87 - I am so sorry for you loss. It is so fresh. I had an eye eye twitch as well. I felt as if I was going crazy with it. I did what the others have suggested and it did help somewhat. For me it was a matter of time. One day I woke up and it was gone. I had a lot of anxiety and I am sure that is what caused it. If your physical symptoms continue or get worse, or you just need help coping with them, go and see your doctor. Daughter- of an amazing mom - I am so sorry for the loss of your mom as well. I had the torso tightness too. With mom's first anniversary it has returned at times. You are certainly right that grief and sadness hurt...physically. Sometimes I swear that I can feel my heart breaking. And I hope that both of you keep coming back to talk about your grief and seek support. This is a good place.

I hear you Dave. You hand in there too.

Mine were head over heel's. Still are. I think it is good that my dad went first. Mom was the stronger one. Thoughts and prayers for you and your dad.

I think that the age you lose a parent can be compared to the age you lose a child, a spouse (this I don't know yet), a sibling a friend.. They are very different losses. still hurt like hell, just for different reasons. My first loss was that of one of my two best friends at age 17. It was incomprehensible, not supposed to happen. The three of us were inseparable. We lost the time we had together, but also our future and our innocence. I lost a daughter at 6 months of age (from a heart defect), one at birth, and had a 14 week miscarriage. Each of those losses was different from the other, but again. all involved the loss of the future, and with my 6 month old, watching her suffer I would never see them go off to kindergarten. college, get married, have a child of their own. I joined a group for those who had lost children. Again, everyone's loss was different (some had other children, some didn't, some lost a 30 year old, others a baby) but we had all lost a child. And as the tragedy of losing a child often does, some of us wound up divorced, others closer together. With parents, it is the same thing I think. I feel so badly for those of you who have lost your mom or dad at a younger age. I know that you might feel jealous that I had my dad and mom so long and you have a right to that feeling. (To this day, I still feel an occasional twinge of jealousy when I see a mom with her child no matter what the age.) I don't totally understand what your losses feel like, but I can understand the loss of a parent. My dad died 10 years ago, my mom a year ago at age 87 (I was 57). I was so close to my mom as she guided me through all of my earlier losses, and was my best friend especially after my first husband ran off with someone else. What a guy! When you lose an elderly parent, you sometimes have a role reversal. The years caring for my mom was almost like caring for another sick child. It was painful to see her fade away. I lost her while she was alive. I am glad she is finally at peace, but still feel the same overall feeling....I lost my mom. I do know that I was blessed to have her see me get my nursing degree, get married (twice), lucky to have her support as I buried my friend and my children. I feel badly for those of you who mourn the fact that your parents won't be there for the good things (and the tough ones) that life holds. But my heart also goes out to all of us who are grieving. Ouch. Peace.

PS I know that your mom is there with you.

Mom's Angel - I have been thinking and thinking about what to say to you since I read your post but could not come up with any words because I know how deeply you miss your mom. Good luck with your exams. You are in my heart, my thoughts, and prayers.

As I struggle so much with the first year anniversary of my mom's passing, I have to honor my father on the 10th anniversary of his death. I cannot believe it has been that long. I love you and miss you dad. I know that you are truly at peace with mom by your side. I wish that I could be as strong about mom's death as she was about my dads. Her husband and she was so strong. I love and miss you both.

iheartm - I am so sorry for the depth of your pain. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

one2counsel - I am so sorry for the loss of your father and the difficulties you are now facing. As I mentioned above, my mom died after I cared for her for 3 years. I was on antidepressants for a good part of that time and when she died, they weren't working at all. My doctor did change my meds and the new meds did help with the depression. They didn't take my grief away (we need to work through that) but did eventually help me function again. Have you discussed that with your doctor? I think the things you describe, such as bad memory and poor concentration are part of grief for us all. I do however think that suffering depression and grief are different things and having both going on, only makes us less able to remember, concentrate. For awhile in fact, I was so depressed I couldn't grieve. Sounds weird but once the depression lifted a bit, I was able to start working on the loss of my mom. I think that kayc's idea of a counselor is a good one. And try not to be hard on yourself - 2 months into the grief process is so early. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

David - I am so sorry for all of the losses you have endured, especially the loss of your mother. I lost my mom exactly a year ago and am currently struggling with the dreaded one year anniversary. I took care of my mom for about 3 years and after she died became depressed and anxious in addition to feeling the grief. It knocked me out and now at a year, I still feel her loss deeply. Having been a caretaker as you were, I think we lose one of the the greatest purposes in life that we have ever had. The caring for of a beloved parent who had spent their life caring for us. I had quit my job to care for mom and was left with such a hole. I think that produces so much of the anxiety. And for me, anxiety is worse than the depression. Sometimes meditating helps. Sometimes I have to take something. But David, it does ease. Five to six months was an awfully difficult time for me but that did ease up and I began to function again. This year anniversary has really hit me hard, but I hang on to the hope that if I felt better once, I probably will again. And keep in mind, that five months is so early in the grieving process. Keep reaching out. keep coming and sharing here. it helps. And Marty always has helpful things to read. My thoughts are with you. And try not to isolate. I am notorious for that. It is hard not to though. I understand.

I won't have time to write this tomorrow as we are traveling. Tomorrow is the first anniversary of my mom/best friend's death. I never imagined it would hit so hard. Mom, I love you and miss you so much. I know that you are happy and with dad. I am glad that you are suffering no longer. I will see you someday. Take care of my children who are in heaven with you. I love you and dad.

Thanks Marty. Many things to inspire me and perhaps a different way to view things.

Thank you Mom's angel and kayc. I wish you both moments of peace in these tough times. 3 months Mom's angel is no time at all. Thank you for reminding me that the the bond and love never dies.

I have not been here in awhile as an orthopedic issue has been consuming my time. Lots of pain. I was a figure skater when I was younger and really did a number on my spine. Plus I had a cancer scare and surgery...all OK. But now the pain is coming from this one year anniversary of mom's death. Why does it hurt so deeply? It was a year ago yesterday that mom had her stroke and the last time that I heard her voice. She hung on for a week longer but was unconscious. It was a shock because it was not what she was dying from. She had a severe lung disease that would have kept getting worse so the stroke and her quick death really was a blessing. She was my best friend. I cared for her for three years. I miss talking to her. I miss her love. I miss her companionship. My husband and I went to the mall today and had lunch where my mom and I had gone when she was well. I saw myself sitting there with her (I didn't really see her - just in my head). As the youngest of 6 children, I was the closest to her. Mom, can't you contact me in some way and tell me that all will be OK? I keep flashing back to that awful ambulance ride from the hospital to the hospice the day before you died. There was nothing left of you. 80# maybe? Will this get better? Or is it always going to hurt so much? A year. And I realize that the time without you is just going to keep getting longer and longer. Does it hurt more and more? I just want to see you. To give you one more hug. To tell you I love you. Why aren't there any answers? I have so much good in my life but right now am having a hard time appreciating it. Right now my heart is breaking all over again. Am I crazy?