It's nearly a New Year and I am afraid to leave behind the year that I lost my love. I don't think I'm afraid of forgetting, I just don't want to be separated from the year that he knew, that he existed physically in. Does anyone feel what I mean?
Having said that, I am currently a shell. I would want nothing more than to rewind or fast forward time, far away from this present moment. Anything than existing in the here and now. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. But I also think back to the beginning after I lost him and think how far I have come. Back then it was minute by minute and now I can do day by day. Christmas and a couple of our special anniversaries have come to pass and they didn't sting as much as I had anticipated. The pain is always with me and it seems to have a mind of it's own, dipping and rising on it's own accord.
Hoping everyone has a happy new year - things can't get any worse right?