Ceili, I agree with kayc. We only are in control of our own actions and not of any others. It's a difficult situation you're in. We all want answers to whatever question it is we have about our own self or our loved ones, but for me, that is where God comes into play. My faith and trust is in God and I have to believe that he and only he knows what's in store for us throughout our life. Be it good times, trying times, and those times we wish we could go back and change things. I allowed my own grief to make me into someone that I didn't care for. I ended up in the hospital with a perforated ulcer and I no longer had any zest for life. Medications were given to me to make my body feel better, but I had to find that same drive that I thought I always had with God to make my spirit strong. I know my children are watching over me from Heaven and if not for them and God, I would have been swallowed up by pity and grief. I take each day as it comes and for now, I don't look for a future other than tomorrow. I pray because I am thankful for having such a supportive and loving husband who has stood by me through thick and thin. I feel awful that I come off as though I'm strong and faithful, but I find myself often quite weak and vulnerable. It is at those times, I repent and I thank God for giving me today. Perhaps today I can make a positive difference in myself or even if I can make just one person smile, then that makes me a winner of sorts. I guess it comes down to the fact that even when we think we may have "it together", we may not, but if we continue to move forward in a positive direction, we can and will impact others in a good way. I am very thankful for this site. We all experience pain and grief, but through reading others stories, has given me strength through times I wasn't sure I had any. I pray that 2016 will bring positive changes to all of us who are seeking growth and renewal. May God bless you all.