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Grief Healing Discussion Groups

supportivespouse

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  • Posts

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Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    in law
  • Date of Death
    5/30/15
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    NA

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Male
  • Location (city, state)
    ashland, Or.
  1. Hello all....I am merely the son in law. My wife's mother passed away at the end of may after a 3 year cancer bout. She was able to go at home surrounded by her husband of 52 years, her daughters and a hospice nurse. Right around October we started getting emails and texts about our "approval" for his involvement with said hospice nurse. basically he is now in love and instead of coming to his daughters politely he just plows forward asking, nay demanding, that they be happy for him. My daughter is beside herself. Her 17 year old mind cannot deal with the sudden replacement. My wife cannot deal with the sudden replacement, nor can the other sisters. His communication skills are usually excellent. He is a retired judge after all. But he didnt approach this in a good way at all. Thanksgiving was the test and he failed. Every other sentence was started with "Well molly and I...."....you could have heard a pin drop. I know there is no said formula for grief. God knows it is part of life and we all deal in our own way. Today though my wife sent him a letter. We live across town but the mere thought of trying to do this face to face made my wife crazy. She laid it all out there in a very succinct letter that spoke for all 3 daughters and our daughter. I approved the text and asked her "is this how you feel? Then send it." It didnt go well. He is playing the passive aggressive bullshit game. "Why cant you all be happy for my happiness?"....um...gee....I dont know dude....maybe because we havent even had one full holiday season with your wife gone and now you want us to accept molly as part of the family? Are you insane? What did you think would happen? anyway....I am grasping at straws here. I realize widowers move on faster percentage wise. BUT the whole thing of saying how in love he is, with the woman who washed his dead wife's body, is creepy. At least to his immediate family. I have no idea anymore what to tell the girls, let alone him. I could very easily lay it down hard and mean but that would accomplish nothing as he doesnt like me anyway....even after 25 years....
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