I can honestly say I know what you are going thru because I'm there but just a fewmore months have paassed. My husband & I met back in the 60's but I was dating his brother & he was married. Little did I know that almost 30 years & half way across the country, we would meet again. We did in '93 & married in "95, we always said from the start of the marriage, this is where we should have been the 1st time around, but maybe it took all those growing up years & raising kids to realize how much we appreciated each other. He reired in 2002, we moved from Oregon to Arizona in 2003 & thought we had it pretty good. We have some family here, but the kids are too far away (Illinois) & made friends. Neither of us is a couch potato so we found parttime jobs to keep us busy & meet other people, we both worked with the public. He woke up 1 morning in July '05, saying his left hand wasn't working properly (couldn't button his shirt) but when in to his job. They suggested he go to the doctor, like you we thought it was a minor stroke, so what can they do. He started exercising his left hand (that is all that was affected) but made an apt 2 days later. They started running tests on a Monday, Wednesday we got the results. It was lung cancer that had already spread to the brain, he had a complete physical in January, with nothing showing up to be concerned about. They started him on radiation (22 sessions ) & chemo (6 sessions). He made it through all to end up in the hospital with pnemonia, we didn't know he had that either no signs other than to weak to get out of bed even with my help. He returned home on Hopice 5 days later and made it not quite a month. It was 1 day short of 3 months from diagnosis to his passing. My sister & I spent the night in the living room with him up about every 1/2 hr, somewhere between 5:30 A,M. & 6:15 A.M. he just didn't wake up, that was on a Wednesday. It all happened so fast but on Monday I knew it wouldn't be much longer, he took a nap, when he woke he basically was gone (didn't know who I was). All the kids had visited sao had a very good friend from Or. the minister came Monday morning & we had communion at my husbands request. Its as though he knew, now everything was taken care. Monday eve I asked if he knew who I was, whats my name, he could say it but that was all he said. He was conscious to the end but Tuesday he was pretty much in another world, didn't say anything. I never really thought about life without him especially since it took so long for us to find each other & he was not one to have health issues. Our minister read a letter I wrote to my husband expaining how I felt. I never understood how your spouse could be your best friend but he was, we never fought we could discuss our differences which were very few at this stage in our life. Before he passed away, I did tell him if he was ready to go I would understand, I would always love him terribly (that was our saying to each other)but I would get through. I know my life will never be the same, it will be a year next month. The end of July I finally went to work which I enjoy my job (no pressure, office work) but still am not use to the empty house & someone else waiting for me to share the rest of the day & night with. Its an empty feeling that I don't know how to get rid of.