Hope Lowe

Sorry to hear the passing of the wife of your son's friend at such a young age. Life is very brutal at times. May I ask you a personal question? Did you get a sense of solace after knowing her presence? After all, you were still not in direct communication with your wife. You have seen the medium from time to time, is the person accurate all the times? I can't be reunited with my younger sister now even I really want to. Going to a medium is against my Catholic teachings but my yearning for my sister, 7 months later, is still crippling. I want to know how she is doing, is she being taken care of? I had not done a good job when she was with me. I do not know if posing the name is against the etiquette of this forum .If not, can you please let me know? If the medium's name can't be posted, will you mind to send me a message? Thank you. Kindest regards,

My younger sister and I were never able to attend Good Friday Mass together because we worked at different cities. Last year was the first time we were together for Good Friday Mass and stayed till the end - got the chance to kiss the Cross. She was a bit uncomfortable but we were full of hope, the doctor just came up with a new treatment plan. Good Friday is coming up tomorrow but my beautiful sister is no longer here with me. The hymn " My God, My God, Why You have Abandoned Me" has an entire different meaning to me now. I am so consumed with sadness that going to Good Friday Mass will be too painful. My dearest sister, how I long to see your face again!

I asked myself the same questions many times in the beginning, I finally come to a conclusion that a heart broken into thousands of pieces can never be mended. It is almost seven months since my younger sister took up her residence with our Lord, I have to learn how to live with a broken heart to honor my sister. Am I doing a good job of it? By all means no. I struggle every day with the intense yearning for my sister and wailing is my second name now. All of the kind people tell me the pain will lessen in the long run, the most critical thing is to avoid giving myself a set schedule to reach a certain milestone. I keep on falling down in this painful journey but I pick myself up again. My purpose in life is to live my sister's life, a beautiful and benevolent life unmercifully cut short, for her. May you find ways to deal with this immense grief. God Bless,

Hollowheart, I am still finding my way dealing with the loneliness and the ambushes every day but it pains me to see you in such an agony. There are something I am doing that may be helpful to you. Have you heard of Faster EFT (emotionally focused transformation)? it is quite a simply technique, you tap around your median points - right or left side of the forehead, temple, , underneath your eye, and your collar bone, saying " let it go" , then hold your wrist saying " peace". It is in line with the tai chi principles. You can repeat the technique as frequently as needed. It would not take away the grief but it does give you a break in dealing with the crippling sadness. I find it most useful at bed time. Another coping mechanism is to write down what you want to say or share with your sister - they can be very tedious. At the grief counseling session, share them with your counselor as she were your sister. Losing a sister is very different than losing a spouse. We never had to look for love or soulmate, our sisters were here to share our lives,for better or worse, with us since they came to this world. Like you, my sister and I were never apart and did everything together, I never had to tell her how much I loved her or treasured her, it was mutually understood without uttering a single word of love. There is another good way to meet with like-minded people - see if there are "meetup" groups in Chicago and put in your interests. I know I will never get over the pain of losing my beautiful younger a sister. I have decided to dedicate my life to carry on my sister's legacy by being charitable and doing volunteer work, it gives me a purpose to live and to be a contributing member of the society. I still have suicidal thoughts and the continued wailing does not go away anytime soon, It is to be expected with loss of this magnitude. In your case, you can start looking for a career change when you are mentally and physically up to the task as a way to honor your sister. Wishing you better days ahead.

Kayc, Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. I had completed a full course of grief share and see a grief counselor once a week for the last four months. On top of the professional help, my niece and nephew are professors at the University of California, Los Angeles's clinical neuropsychology department, my niece would spend two or three hours on the phone with me to help me walk through this painful journey. People bend backwards to help me get back on my feet, my boss took me to his vineyard for a change of scenery; my other nephew invited me to join him to a Carribean criuise this coming April. What I have done in return for their help and compassion? I sink further into the valley of despair. I wake up crying, I go to bed crying. At a company meeting, I could not even remember my phone number. I simply lose my ability to lead a marginally functional life. I think I begin to lose my mind and become insane. My attachment to my sister is my fatal fault. My past, my present, and my future just vanished into thin air in one single instant. How can I fill this gaping hole in my heart? Dealing with profound sadness and tsunami waves of grief is harrowing. I am just completely lost at the sea of sorrow and unable to find the shore. HH and Virgo Gal, let's hope that someday we can find small joys again.

hollowheart, I had responded to a couple of your posts in the other site. Losing a sister, particular in you and my cases are even worse than losing a spouse. My younger sister passed away almost five months ago, nothing has changed in our house - her medication remained the same way on the desk, her cell phone is still active, her towel is still on the rack. Everything is in a time capsule. My yearning for my sister is even more intense and debilitating now than in the beginning. Simply put, I just got stuck in grief and in the process of developing complicated grief. I have done everything according to the books - nothing helps. I do volunteer work to carry on my sister's compassion for people; I attend classes. At the end of the day going home to an empty house without her presence is just harrowing and crippling. Rolling on the floor wailing is no way to live and I have been doing it every single day! I continue crying out to beg her not to leave and come back home. Like you, I blamed myself for not being aggressive six years ago when she first had the symptoms. She relied on me as her big sister and mother figure yet I failed to protect her. The results? She passed away prematurely! I could never, never forgive myself no matter what other people said. She loved life, always had a smile on her face, extremely kind and polite to even strangers yet her life was cut short by me. Both you and I are still in the early stage of grieving - I hope the pain will lessen further down the path. I read a proverb saying " You can only go halfway into the darkest forest then you are coming out the other side". Let's hope it is true. Take care,