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brat#2

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About brat#2

  • Rank
    Advanced Member
  • Birthday 02/16/1957

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    New Smyrna Beach, FL

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    Wife
  • Date of Death
    07/10/2015
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Halifax Hospice, Edgewater, FL

Recent Profile Visitors

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  1. Cookie, how wonderful that ring is and how romantic. Dale was that way too about saying the things he did around the house showed he loved me. When he did buy me a present he always did a good job and in his later years, he got more sentimental too and make more romantic gestures. I guess getting older does that to them.
  2. Talking about Valentine's Day, my birthday is 2 days after Valentine's Day and for about the first 10 years of our marriage, I knew that if I got anything for Valentine's Day from Dale, I wasn't going to get anything for my birthday or if I didn't get anything for Valentine's Day I would get something for my birthday! I never complained about it, but all of a sudden he started doing both, I guess after 10 years he decided we were going to stay married? Or maybe just because he was older, he was getting more romantic, who knows, I loved him either way.
  3. Gin, Happy Birthday to Al. I know today is going to be hard, but what you shared about his unbirthday for others was great. I know memories hurt, but at least we do have them. Pictures are hard for me to look at also, there are only a few I can look at that don't make me completely break down. Sending you a big hug, Joyce
  4. Cookie, you are not alone in feeling the loneliness and I'm at 2 1/2 years also and you are right reality is really setting in. I thought moving closer to family would change that feeling and it did a very very tiny bit, but the companionship, that certain touch and the look of love I use to get can't be matched by family. I have no desire to do the dating thing, that is just too overwhelming to me, but like has been said above, it would be nice to have a in person companion that understood this feeling and didn't really want more than just to be my friend at this point. I know I will not find Dale, wish I could, but at least a friend that understands would be great. Hugs to you all
  5. Hi Gin, Even though I'm closer to family and get to see them more, I still have problems with loneliness too. I guess since we don't have the one special person anymore that was with us 24/7, no matter how many people you have around you, you still feel that emptiness. No, it's not just you that has a hard time making new friends, I haven't made any either. The friends that I'm connecting with now are what I consider "old" friends, we were friends years ago and stayed in touch now and then, but now I get to see them. I'm sure that once the newness of me being back here wears off, so will the visits! Take care.
  6. I know I haven't been very verbal this year and with this being the last day of 2017, I thought I would write what I've been going through this year. It all started in March when what little family I have left, finally convinced me that I needed to move closer to them in Ohio. My brother wanted to buy a place for me to live, so we started looking and it took until September to find what we were looking for. During this time I was having very conflicting feelings about whether to move or not, after all, Florida had been my home for 35 years and Dale and mine married home for 33 years. During this time I couldn't make myself start going through his/our stuff I guess thinking if I didn't do it, I wouldn't have to move. Then September came and when Hurricane Irma became a threat to Florida, my brother insisted that I fly to his house in the Chicago area for the week, so I had to reorganize my evacuation boxes and take them and my vehicle to a safer location and go up there. He had rescheduled the closing on the house in Ohio so that I could go with them and we closed on the house while I was up there. Came back home a week later and thankfully no damage and the neighbors had already cleaned up the debris and had it out by the curb. Then the fun really started, I had to find a mover and go through "our" things, mind you I hadn't touch anything of Dale's since he died, absolutely nothing had been touched or moved. I had to go through everything that was his and decide what to take with me, because couldn't afford to pay moving company to take everything. A lot of emotions over the next few months of doing that, a lot of tears, screaming, surprise at things he kept, sad over having to give stuff away, anger for having to do that, felt like I was betraying him by going through his stuff and giving it away and for moving away from "our" life and home. Had to make arrangements to sell the van (couldn't afford to get it up to Ohio) and also made arrangements to sell our place. Those months from September to November were some of the hardest months I've ever had to deal with in my life, doing it all by myself. I was in extreme emotional pain and physical pain as all that activity made the arthritis in both my hips and lower back go crazy. Finally moving day came, the weekend before Thanksgiving, and that was hard seeing all our stuff being packed up and put in the moving containers and knowing that was the last time all that would be in our home and the last night in our place was very difficult. The move to Ohio I guess was pretty smooth, but took almost 4 weeks before the movers were able to get my stuff delivered to me. I'm in my new place, which is beautiful, but I still feel like I'm a guest, I'm hoping that once I actually get everything unpacked and put out, our things will make me feel more at home. It's been nice to be closer to family and actually been able to see them and also since I moved back to the town I grew up in, I've also reconnected with some old friends. However, without Dale, it just doesn't feel like home and I still feel like I've betrayed him and disappointed him by leaving our home. Then on the other hand, I know he would want me closer to family and not so alone as I was down there and be in a safer home and not have to worry about hurricanes, tropical storms, tornadoes, and home that was falling apart, etc that I had to content with there. I was so afraid that once I moved from our home, that I would feel like Dale wasn't with me anymore, but that is not the case, I guess that it doesn't matter where you live, your soul mate and true love will be with you always in your heart, mind and soul. Although at the same time it is sad that I'm living where people didn't know him (we moved to Florida the day after we got married), but on the other hand I get to talk about him more trying to get people to know him (I don't know if that made any sense). Anyway, thank you for letting me ramble on and I'm hoping for all of us that 2018 might bring all a little more piece in our hearts. I really appreciate all of you and so glad that I found this place to feel comforted and to be able to say what is one my mind. Hugs to you all, Joyce
  7. My heart is with you today Gin, sending you hugs. Joyce
  8. Maryann, glad to hear you are safe. Having been through many hurricanes and tropical storms (none with that amount of rain though) I know how scary they can be. Stay safe. Hugs, Joyce
  9. Healing

    Mitch, that sounded scary, glad you are okay and yes Tammy was watching out for you.
  10. Healing

    Mitch, I am like you, everything is still here and in the exact same place that Dale left it. Seeing his things gives me comfort too, so I know exactly what you are saying that if you removed the rack how much that would hurt. We all deal with this in different ways and whatever makes you feel better is what should be done. There is no right or wrong way to get through this journey, just whatever is right for you. Hugs, Joyce
  11. Sean, it hurts all over again because it's just another reminder, unfortunately it won't be the last. We understand and my heart is with you. Hugs, Joyce
  12. Today is Dale's birthday. Happy Birthday my love. Even though this is his 3rd birthday without him, it is still very difficult to get through. Any of our "special" days, birthdays, anniversaries, holidays don't seem to get any easier, not that the regular days all the rest of the year are easy either. It's like it has been said many times before, I thought I knew what grief was, with already losing so many loved ones in my life, but this one, losing the love of my life and my soulmate, well you can never be prepared enough for it. I love and miss you Dale and I always will.
  13. Brad, you will be fine and do okay. Believe me though I understand what you are saying about how much this grief has shaken my confidence. Good luck and Deedo will be with you cheering you on! Joyce
  14. Brad, wishing you good luck in your teaching adventure. Please do come back and let us know how it is going. Hugs, Joyce
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