Thankyou all for your kind words and advice...this seems so unreal to me. Nothing like this has ever happened to me and I am so confused. He was so alive one minute, and then the next, he was gone. It's not fair. I wish I had someone to blame, to be mad at...but there is nothing anyone could have done to help him. And as much as it hurts to talk about it, I need to talk about it because talking about it helps me cry and let my anger out. I wish I would have gotten to say goodbye...or hold his hand...I keep telling my mom that if I would have known he was going to die, I would have pushed the paramedics out of the way and held his hand forever. What a shock. I didn't believe it for such a long time, and sometimes I still believe that somone is going to call and say that they made a mistake and my dad is really alive....but deep down I really know that he is gone. I wish I could see him, and sometimes he does come in my dreams, but I never get answers. I'm so for all of you who have lost your parent...this is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through in my life.