6 monthes ago whilst my world was going good for a change and I was expecting the birth of my beautiful baby girl..i got a phone call off the police in the middle of the night informing me that my 19yr old brother had taken his own life two weeks before my due date I was devistated and very confused whilst trying to figure out if I should be upset or happy that I was soon to be a mum.beeing on such shock i was admited into hospital so they could monitor baby and give me something to help me sleep.makeing things worse his funarel was planned and took place on my due date..I spent the week keeping it together n trying not to get upset or cry due to me knowing that I had to keep my baby safe..well 10 days over due my gorgeous little bundle arrived and I could not have been happier but I'm still riddled with guilt about being so happy at a time when I should have been in the pits of disparate.but I have had to put on a brave face and smile even tho most of the time I want to break down and cry becouse I can not let my baby see me sad is supposed to be a happy time..I am still struggling to greave as it's all most like I just haven't had the time to greave..but the guilt of beeing so happy at the time is eating me up..makes me wonder Wether I was as close to my brother as I thought I was or something? We are also still waiting for his inquest in wich they keep postponing and don't feel I can put any closer on it entill that had been..my question is will this guilt pass.and is this Normal??
