I lost my big brother and only sibling about 3 months ago to suicide. I've struggled with insecurities and anxiety my entire teenage and young adult years and at 24 I finally felt like things were starting to fall into place. I just graduated with my masters, I've finally found a man who loves me, and I just started my first full time job. I was on the path to happiness and then I got the call. I remember feeling like life had just been sucked right out of me. I didn't believe it at first, I thought my mom just really needed me to come home and she thought this would get me there. Silly, I know but I needed it to not be true. Me and my mother had always had a gut feeling that there was something going on inside my brothers head. He'd sit there with a blank stare and when you asked him what was wrong he would snap out of it and make a funny sarcastic joke. He was so good at hiding his depression, everybody saw him as a happy outgoing guy, but we always knew. I miss him every single second of every day. I miss hearing his voice. I miss seeing his smiling face. I know that my parents are suffering a lot more then they show me and that scares me. I want them to be okay, and I don't know how to help them be fine when I'm not fine. I just wish he knew what he was going to do to all of us before he made his decision.