Jgillen

Yes, 'me time' can be the hardest time to have without our soulmates. I will pray that you find light and something uplifting very soon. I'm thinking of you.

Robin, I hope you can find your way out of the darkness. I am at about 6 months, and it is very hard right now. It is very real. It is hard to be positive without Mike. I hope soon that you have good moments and good days. Just last week, I had a couple of really good days, and then had a very depressing day just before our son's 5th birthday. I couldn't stop crying that day, but then thankfully had a good weekend celebrating the birthday. I often see butterflies when I am having a rough day. And one day recently I saw a tattered butterfly with badly damaged wings. She was still flying beautifully. I thought that was a strong message. Keep going!!

I am sorry you woke up this morning without George. I have only had one anniversary without Mike, but it was hard. I believe they can hear us. I hope it brings you comfort that I hear your pain. It's hard to lose such a special person that we adored and cherished. I wish I understood why this happens. I hope you do something nice for yourself, and that you get through today peacefully. ((((hugs))))))

I am very sorry for your loss. I have a close friend that lost an infant and I have witnessed her lash out at her mother. Her mom is a wonderful woman. I think sometimes we lash out at those we love the most. I have caught myself being grumpy at times with my mother after losing my spouse even though she has been so supportive. It isn't fair to you, and I commend you for not giving up. My mother bought me a journal after losing my husband. I enjoy journaling so it was just what I needed. Just a note reminding her that you're there for her is a great idea. I wish you luck in rebuilding that special bond. And, I will be thinking of you and praying for healing for you and your daughter.

thank you so much!! It is so helpful to know I'm not alone.

thank you

We just 'celebrated' mike and I's September birthdays, and we all really tried to make it special. My kids and I put a bench out in our yard to go and sit and talk with Mike. We planted flowers and trees and have a notebook out there to write him notes. It is very peaceful. And, it helped to make our birthdays special, but was so emotional. Our anniversary is also coming up this week. This will be my first without him. He always made it so special. I can't decide if I should plan something or just let it slip by. Ahhh September used to be a month I looked forward to, and now I just want it to be over. I have read that starting new traditions are helpful. Any ideas that help you all get through anniversaries?

Yes... Even knowing they can hear us, sometimes isn't enough. We miss sharing those moments with them... Seeing their smile, laughing together. It is very hard. Keep talking. Until you meet again!!

I love your post. It was beautiful. Thank you for sharing!

Butch, I am so sorry you are having a hard day. Those days suck. Guilt is a tough one. Some days I tell myself I did what was best with what I knew, and other days, I feel like i failed Mike. Our sweethearts are the ones who get us through rough days, and they aren't there to lift us up. I know words may not ease the pain, but I really hope that your spirits are lifted tomorrow. Sending love and light. ((hugs))

I am so glad to see that I am not alone with a lot of my feelings and experiences. I used to just ignore the music in the grocery store and elsewhere..and now I just have to rush through as fast as I can so that I don't get caught by some stupid sad song that catches me off guard. Kind of a funny story now that I think back on it...my family took me to this cute little restaurant that uses locally grown produce...It was two weeks after Mike passed and I needed to get out..and I was so excited to go. The kids and I sat at this big wooden table in this cute little restaurant with my parents and we were all in good spirits... John Denver's 'Leaving on a Jet Plane' came on and then another sad song...I ran to the restroom and balled..and kept repeating. "I hate this restaurant!!!" It's so amazing the things that will catch you off guard.. the other day I walked by celery and broke down. Mike always wanted me to buy celery, and I bought it for him every week. Big hugs to all of you. I'm so grateful for support and not feeling alone in this journey.

While I was at my husband's bedside before we turned the machines off, I told him to send me butterflies and birds. The very next day, my yard was full of butterflies. His mom and sister and I all just stood in the yard and watched them fly around. We all smiled. Since then, I have had a lot of cool experiences with birds and butterflies. I am so thankful for these moments.

Hi Janet, I am so sorry for your loss. 15 months is a long time to be fighting. I have watched loved ones fight cancer and it is a hard fight. It is so unfair. I am very sorry you had to watch your love go through this. I am glad you have found your way here. I have found a lot of encouragement and comfort through this group when I feel alone. And, I hope you do too. Big hugs to you.

Butch, I am so sorry. Family is what helps us get through, and of course not having our soulmates by our side when we lose loved ones compounds the grief. I'm sure your wife is with you and that you are surrounded by angels. I really hope you find peace. I will be thinking of you. sending love...

thank you!!