seachelle

Thanks for this resource MartyT!!

Hey guys, my mom's health is declining rapidly and I would like to start gathering some resources for myself. I am overwhelmed by the number of books you can find online. Can anyome recommend a few good one's for help with grief after death, or anticipatory grief?

Hi Solitude, I agree with Kayc, grief is a traumatic experience and often the first major loss you experience is the worst as the experience of loss and coping skills are not present yet. The way you describe your grief sounds like depression, which is a common development when one is grieving. Is there any trusted adult you can speak to. While your feelings are normal, I would hope that you have some resources in your family who can help you cope and help you get back to living your life, little by little, as it may be.

The loss is still very fresh. I think it's normal at this point to still be feeling a lot of hard emotions. The reason you didn't visit him in the hospital as much as you wanted probably had to do with the fact that like most of us, you need a job to survive, and attendance is mandatory to keeping job. I hope in time you can come to blame yourself less for what happened.

I'm so happy you were able to come to some sort of peace with her and her continued presence in your life. I think it can take a long time, and from what I hear returning to baseline is not really possible, it's like you'd have to have never known your mother not to feel the loss.

Experiencing death with a loved one is a traumatic experience, especially if you were there in the very last days. Guilt is a normal part of grief unfortunately. It seems that everyone on this site has found some reason to blame themselves for causing or making the situation worse, or failing to make it better. Please don't blame yourself for your grandfathers last days. Most people would have felt the same. We are all used to considering hospitals healing places and we want to believe it can work for everyone even in dire circumstances. There is a very likely possibility that even if you had taken him home he would have returned for some reason, either to seek more medical care or because other family members would have panicked.

Hi there, I've heard it gets better, and based on the vast number of people who go on to live productive lives after experiencing major loss, just think, all of our parents also lost their parents and went on to live productive lives. It seems that that is possible. I don't think it's possible to fully ever stop missing the person, and that will cause some sadness. I think like all depressive conditions, improving the symptoms of grief takes active practice. I think we have to be mindful of ourselves and not judge ourselves too harshly even though society would prefer us to just get over it. I think it means finding value and connections in new experiences. Yoga isn't going to cure your grief, and niether will a book club, but one thing i know for sure is that sitting around alone will definitely make it worse.

It took her a while to respond, i'm sure she was weighing the cost/benefits but she did get back to me and we exchanged numbers and agreed to be there for each other in moments of weakness. I don't know if I will ever choose to call her, but it's comforting to know someone is there if I do need to talk.

It sounds like he gave you an older medication. I go back and ask for an SSRI, they can lead to drowsiness, but don't sedate like the old ones and if you take them at night they may actually help you sleep. Unfortunately, the way modern society is built, other ways don't often fit into the responsibilities of daily life. Medication doesn't mean your weak and you don't have to take it forever.

She just replied with a brief response confirming that her parents have passed.

I've encountered a curious occurrence. I know we routinely encourage each other to seek out and talk to others who have experienced grief. In my case, my grief is for my mom. I reached out to a good friend from high school on facebook, we aren't as close as we used to be but we've maintained contact through the years on FB, after losing touch in our 20's. By the time we reconnected, it seems both of her parent's had passed. We are both in our early 30's. In a moment of weakness, i messaged her, desperate to hear from someone else who's been through it, someone I actually know. She hasn't responded and I'm hurt but also embarrassed that I likely brought up a topic she would like not to think about.

Hey all, I posted this in a couple of spots. You could say I'm feeling desperate for affirmation. After doing pretty good the past couple of weeks I'm having a rough night again when I think about how far my mom has progressed in her dementia over the last few months. I can tell she is trying to compensate which makes me feel bad for her. I can only imagine how scary it must be to be able to tell that you are losing your short term memory. I'm also being overworked as I adjust to a promotion at work and I feel more and more that our culture just doesn't allow people to feel anything but desire for money and success, not time to reinforce family bonds, not time to be sad, just work and keep being productive. It's a sad state of affairs. I don't know if anyone can relate, but it helps to voice these thoughts that I am usually prohibited from speaking or giving any indication that I'm feeling.

Hey all, after doing pretty good the past couple of weeks I'm having a rough night again when I think about how far my mom has progressed in her dementia over the last few months. I can tell she is trying to compensate which makes me feel bad for her. I can only imagine how scary it must be to be able to tell that you are losing your short term memory. I'm also being overworked as I adjust to a promotion at work and I feel more and more that our culture just doesn't allow people to feel anything but desire for money and success, not time to reinforce family bonds, not time to be sad, just work and keep being productive. It's a sad state of affairs. I don't know if anyone can relate, but it helps to voice these thoughts that I am usually prohibited from speaking or giving any indication that I'm feeling.

I would encourage you not to push them away though. If they are trying to be supportive, it means they do care. It may be wise to keep in touch with these friends and acquaintances.

It's not that they don't care, it's that there's nothing they can do and they know it. There are no words they can speak that will alleviate your pain long term. They are struggling to be supportive, it's the blind leading the blind.