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Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Carriemitch

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  • Posts

    2
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    Sister
  • Date of Death
    16.8.15
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    NA

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    UK

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  1. Hello I am new today. I decided to sign up after waking up to another day without my sister and another day of feeling utter despair. I lost my sister ten months ago. She was 47. We were incredibly close having helped each other through the loss of our younger sister when we were children. Our bond was unbreakable. But now my sister Kit has gone too and I feel so desperately alone without either of them. I find myself feeling jealous of other people with close sisters. I feel so lost without her. She brought so much joy to my life and focus too having helped her through her illness. She died very suddenly with a haemorrhagic stroke. I have been feeling numb with grief but just recently I have started to feel incredibly angry and keep flying off the handle! I have nowhere to go with this anger. It just rises up in me. I am angry because her life was difficult and cruel and she suffered huge losses (her sight and her only child and of course our younger sister). Life was very hard. But now with her gone it is quiet and empty and I am adrift... I can't seem to make a decision about what to do, or where to go with my own life and this anger... there is no target for it, no outlet, just a rebounding of pain in my head and heart and a yearning desperation for something that can never be. I feel terrified of living a further 40 years or so without her in it and yet I know my life must go on. Thank you to anyone out there reading this. I know you know and I am grateful. Carrie
  2. Dear Gailsing I really felt the pain of your loss. I also lost my gorgeous sister last summer. She was also blind and I supported her a lot during the last few years of ill health although ultimately she died very suddenly after a haemorrhagic stroke. Even now, ten or eleven months on, I feel the pain of her loss so acutely. She was my best friend, my mentor, my court jester, always making me smile about something. More than anything, she gave me unconditional love and understanding. We helped each other through our childhood when we lost our youngest sister. The bond between us was unbreakable. Every day, I feel empty and alone but I talk to her, I try to feel her presence. Some days it works, other times I just feel more of that huge void and emptiness. I struggle to keep in mind the sound of her laughter, the advice she always gave, I can hear her turn of phrase. My mind grasps to hold tightly to memories that sometimes feel as if they are fading already! And then the panic sets in. Recently I have started to feel a real anger. Why should she have her life so cruelly taken away aged 48. Why did she have to suffer losing her sight and her only child. She went through so so much and yet always found a way to laugh. Life was beyond cruel to her. Now all I feel is a vast expanse of time ahead of me without her in it. Some days it is hard to go forward; to keep going forward but I try, for my parents and my brother. I wish you strength and a way through this horrible pain. Carrie
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