Chanman

I'm 17 and I've never had a real relationship before this and no one has really ever been interested in me, as soon as I found Amanda we both fell hard for eachother and everything was very mutual and she said so many things to me daily about how she wanted to be with me forever and how she would never leave no matter what, I know I am young and dumb but something with her felt very real and true which is very hard to find at my age, she made me believe in everything she was saying and we spent literally everyday together for the first 6 months, we were rarely away from eachother, we both became very very dependent on eachother and very attached, which caused us to argue a lot, it was never anything that bad or relationship threatening, but as soon as her dad got sick and I asked to see her more because I was used to being with her everyday, is where things got bad and she called me selfish and stuff, and then she said she just wants to be alone right now and that someday we can patch things up, but right now she needs space.. Its hard for me because we have had more good times then I can count and I have never connected with a human being more than I have with her, she literally made me believe that we were soul mates because she said that stuff daily, she made me feel secure and loved, something I lacked on before, so when it was all taken away from me, I'm having a hard time at feeling okay i know you don't know exactly how are relationship was but I'm telling you it was perfect aside from the arguing that happened on occasion

I understand this, I do but im just having a hard time believing she is actually done because of reasons like this she sent me this text like a week before she broke up with me its hard to move on because of stuff like this

I also just want to know does she miss me at all? Is she completely done with me? Do I cross her mind? Is she still mad at me for the way I was being before we broke up? Does she still love me? I just wish I knew ?

I don't know what to do this is so hard for me, I'm so in love with her and I don't know how she can do this to me, she loved me so much, she really did I just want to try to work things out, I'm not feeling better, everyday that goes by I miss her more not less, I'm so attached to her, I can't let go and I can't stand not talking to her, I almost feel as if I am becoming depressed, nothing sounds fun to me anymore and she's all I can ever think about ?

It's been about 10 days since we've broken up and I haven't talked to her for at least 4 days at all, I am trying to keep my mind off of her, but being as it is summer I have more free time then I'd like, all my friends are busy, since we work in the same place while I'm there I can't help but think about her and all the memories we have at our workplace, she is currently working opposite shifts as me, but with it being slow at the moment I just have way to much time to think about her, I constantly check her social media to see what is going on and she seems to be not posting much anymore, but from stuff she has tweeted or liked it seems like she's over me and I don't know how this can be? She was really in love with me, I know she was, all of my friends and people in my life knew she was, I can't help but worry about her, I really think she's the one, the way we met, how mutual our feelings were before we even knew we liked eachother, it's just like nothing I've ever seen, I can't let her go, I feel like she has to still have love for me, I feel like there has to be something in her that wants to make this relationship work, why does she have so much time for friends now, she never had time for me, i really cannot wrap my head around any of this.. i have an idea but I don't know how it's going to turn out, so I've told myself I am not going to contact her in any way this whole week, on friday we both work a night shift at work, I was thinking maybe I could try and talk to her and see if she would be down to go get dinner after work just as something casual so we can catch up and see how she feels about everything, is this a bad idea, I feel like it might work

I already have screwed up, I tried talking to her, it's been 5 days since our breakup and almost every other day I've tried talking to her about us and how I wish we could get back together in the future, but also that I have accepted the breakup for the time being and she told me that it's over and that I need to move on i just feel like she isn't the girl I fell in love with, she used to be so down for me, she loved being with me, she loved every second we spent together and now she just acts like I don't exist this is so hard today someone told me that they saw she posted a picture on her snapchat story (which she had blocked me from seeing to avoid hurt feelings) saying that they saw her smoking weed on her story with this girl from work that is bad news and I told her not to hangout with while we were together i was very hurt and felt betrayed because she said she gave up weed for me and now she's back to it and hanging out with people I told her to avoid i also don't know why she has time for friends and weed but doesn't have time for me? she told me that she's sick of me trying to control her while we're not together and she went and blocked me on every social media and now I'm just really sad because I don't know what she's doing and I hate that I don't know what's up anymore im not over her, I still feel like she's my girlfriend even tho she isn't, this is so hard we were so good together, we were so in love, how does she just drop me like nothing??

Okay so on July 3rd my girlfriend Amanda just ended our relationship of 7 months because I was "adding to much stress" onto her already stressful life, she just found out her dad has stage 4 stomach cancer and has 2 months to live, and has now ended our amazing relationship, we literally did everything together, we were so in love, she told me how much she loved me every single day and how she wanted to be together forever and wanted to get married and have kids, move in together, ect, ever since her dad got sick she hasn't been the same and we fought all the time just because I wanted to see her more, you see I went from seeing her every single day to maybe once a week and this was a hard adjustment for me, our relationship was incredible before all of this, we spent everyday together we loved all the same things, we were best friends and everything was heaven sent, we lost our virginities to eachother and that just made us feel 10x more connected and she used to say the sweetest things to me daily about how she wanted to be with me forever and how she loved me so much and how there's no one else she'd rather be with. so on July 2nd we got in a really bad fight and she was saying that she wanted to take a break and I was having a hard time accepting it and I told her just to think about it and she said she was going to watch a movie with her parents I get a text from her about 30 mins later saying basically that she still wanted to be with me forever and that she still loved me and that she wants this to work but it's not going to if I don't stop fighting with her.. so the next morning I ask her if she wanted to hangout before we work (we work together by the way) and she said no so I imeedatly felt bad and asked why and she said she wanted to take her time getting ready but she had already promised me previously that she would spend time with me that day, so I was hurt and I confronted her on it, then she said she was right about taking the break and broke up with me, I tried to beg for her back after work that night and she wouldn't budge, she then said she'd figure out what's best for her and she'd see if she wants to get back together when in the past she said if we ever took a break she promised we'd get back together... im just extremely heartbroken and sick from all of this, I don't understand why this is happening and how she can go from being head over heels in love with me to leaving me like I'm nothing.. ill explain the story in better detail if people can help