Jump to content

olemisfit

Contributor
  • Content count

    252
  • Joined

  • Last visited

2 Followers

About olemisfit

  • Rank
    Advanced Member
  • Birthday 02/20/1949

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Male
  • Location (city, state)
    League City, Texas
  • Interests
    Okla. Univ. football fanatic (BOOMER SOONER!), enjoying Galveston Island with a good book

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    My Wife
  • Date of Death
    01/01/2016
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    na
  1. Dearest Janka, The only thing that would have made the picture you sent of the fountain would have been if someone had taken the picture with you sitting on it, as part of the picture. Today has been an awful day for you, and I'm so very sorry. My love always. Darrel
  2. Me and my little puppy. Her name is Sugar.
  3. Sweet, Dear Janka, We just really never know when and how God is going to bless us do we? I think back to the day when I saw the post from you that started this journey we are sharing now. You could have knocked me over with a feather, it surprised me so much. I had always seen your postings on here, and then I noticed when you left the group for a while. And then you returned, and that pleased me even though I didn't expect anything like we now have to come of it. I never in my wildest imaginings have thought that I would be this fortunate. The circumstances that brought us together are so terribly unfortunate, but I consider myself the luckiest person on this planet to have you as a friend now. What a blessing you are, dear Janka. Thank you for being you. Do you know how much of a treat it is each morning to pour my wake-up cup of coffee, and open this laptop hoping for the latest installment from you to wake up with? How is the back pain and headaches now that you were having such a time with a few days ago? Better I hope. I left you alone for a day or 2 only because you had mentioned how uncomfortable it was for you to sit at the laptop for any length of time. I pray that this post from you this morning is a sign that you are better. I know what you mean about some friendships not standing the test of time. And having to weed out the ones that need to be. Sometimes it does become necessary to separate the wheat from the chaff, just for the sake of our own survival. And when those friends stand out above the rest as "keepers", they become so much more then than just friends. Don't they? The laughing birds are starting me off with a good chuckle and a smile on my face today. Here's hoping your day has been a good one, and that you've also had something to keep that wonderful smile of yours on your lovely face. My love to you, Dear Janka.
  4. Dearest Janka- I'm (almost) speechless. What a beautiful song. And what a beautiful person you are to even just think about doing this. Thank you so VERY much. You brought tears of happiness to my eyes. I am praying that you feel better today. HUGS and more HUGS!! Darrel
  5. How is my dear friend Janka today? I've been having a bad time with my allergies the past few days. It's just the seasonal curse here. And I think it maybe gets worse with age. But otherwise, all is well. My recuperation from the surgery seems to be on track. The pain is almost all gone now. I haven't gotten all my energy back yet, but as long as I take things slow and easy I'm getting along okay by now. It's funny sometimes how our minds remember things from the past. Don't ask me why. I would disappoint you by not being able to say why. But I woke up this morning with my mind tossing something around from many years ago. I played the clarinet while in high school. We won a concert competition with Richard Wagner's Tannhauser (did I even spell that right?). And all day long now my brain is in repeat mode with the chorus from that beautiful piece of music going around in my head. I'm thinking about you today, hoping this day has treated you well. Love to my dear friend Janka- Darrel
  6. My Friend, I feel your fresh pain. And I want to reach out and tell you that everything will be alright, but it never really will be. You obviously had a very strong and loving relationship with your wife. If you didn't, you wouldn't be here today looking for some kind of lifeline. I know all too well what you are thinking and feeling now. I was there not too long ago. And still am, in some ways. I was my wife's caregiver her last 5 years of life. She also was a dialysis patient. I had her taken off of life support (what a hard decision that was!) on New Year's Day, 2016. We were together for 41+ years, and I still miss her every day. I think the thing I can tell you is that grieving is a journey. Love is like a coin. One side is beautiful and happy, and the other side is ugly and unpleasant. The stronger our love was and is for our mate, the more unpleasant the grief side is going to be. I didn't happen upon this group until almost the end of my first year without my wife. After finding this place and seeing so many others here, it helped to know that what I was going through wasn't unusual or uncommon. Not because misery loves company, or anything like that. But it did help to know that I wasn't wandering around in misery and bouncing off the walls all alone. I will tell you that the pain and sadness you're feeling will ease over time. That's why I and many others refer to this as a journey. Your wound is still so terribly fresh and raw. It will take time to begin to heal, but it will happen. One of these days you will be sitting there trying to think of a way to console someone that will just be starting out on their journey. Like I am now, today with you. That isn't what you're interested in now. I'm only saying that to you now just to give you some kind of encouragement that there is a way through this. Grief counselors help. And taking advantage of this group will. Lean on all of us here. We have all been where you now are. We know what you're going through. And we certainly don't mind being here for you. If we did, we wouldn't be here. And know that "time heals all wounds". Try hard to be patient with yourself as you go through this. I am so very sorry for your loss, my friend. I know how you are hurting right now. Take some time to read the "stories" of some others here. You will see that we all started out right where you are right now. And by talking and listening we are in a better place now. Time will work in your favor, the same way it did for everyone else here. One foot in front of the other... Darrel
  7. Dearest Janka, What an absolutely lovely poem. It isn't possible for me to read it without feeling the pain you were going through when you wrote it. Even though you didn't write it now in this present time, it still makes me want to give you a big ole comforting hug. So, wrap your arms around yourself and pretend it's that hug from me. I've written the name down for the poetry website. I'll go there in a day or so when I have some time and explore it. I started a journal shortly after Cookie died, that I still write in on pretty much a regular basis. Cookie had kept a journal for a number of years. It was a complete surprise to me when I happened upon it when I was going through her things after her death. She had written some really beautiful poems in it, as well as anything else I guess that she wanted to put to paper and leave for me. I still pick it up from time to time and re-read it. I'm finally to the point of being able to do that without becoming a basket case. There's a weather change in the works here, and on top of that it's also allergy season. I have felt really listless or lethargic all day. My brain doesn't want to cooperate now. I'm okay except for my allergies being all fouled up. Hope you're getting through today okay. My love to you. Darrel
  8. What a lovely house in Italy. What a wonderful time you and your Jan would have had there, in your little "love nest". A place to be away from it all and just enjoy the love you felt for each other. But God had other plans for the 2 of you. Sometimes it's so very hard to understand that, isn't it? But what choice do we really have except to try to. And give in to His wisdom. I wish the 2 of you could have had more time together. But I know that you treasure every second of those 5 beautiful years you did have. I know what you mean about the thoughts happening less often, as our time here passes. I am so very glad the painful, burning hole in the gut level of pain is gone. That was unbearable. But I won't allow myself to ever stop thinking and remembering Cookie, and our time together. There are some days when I go the entire day without having thoughts about her, and I almost feel guilty when I realize it. Does that ever happen with you? When you shared the pictures of Bratislava I couldn't help but see the beauty of the city. When I was younger I used to read and study World War II. I was fascinated (not in a good way) with Hitler and the way he mesmorized his people. They say that if we don't learn from history we are bound to repeat it. When I saw your pictures I couldn't help but think about all the damage your city must have had to be restored from. A wonderful job of that was most certainly done. (Have you noticed how I tend to flit around with my thoughts sometimes?) Tomorrow will be the 11th. Another trigger day for you. I know how those triggers can hit us. I hope the day passes with you being able to think about some of the good times, and not be too sad. I'm sorry you're most likely going to have that kind of day. I will say a special prayer for you tomorrow. What kind of work do you do? Is it something you are able to enjoy? Hopefully it will help your day to pass better tomorrow. I just finished making a pot of homemade chicken noodle soup. If you were near enough I would share some with you. Now it's time to take the little one out for a jaunt outside. I seem to be feeling much better the past couple of days. I'm able to get through a day without needing anything for the pain. It was pretty bad last week, so I'm glad for the improvement. I hope you are well also. Keep that smile! My love to you, Janka. Darrel
  9. Good morning Sweet Janka, In the fall of 1974 God brought 2 lonely souls together and allowed them to spend over 41 years of bliss together. And now He has done it again, hasn't He? You and I. It's a different kind of relationship this time, but it's the kind we both seem to want and need. So many of our experiences and feelings seem to be so identical. It almost seems uncanny. But then I realize that it isn't by coincidence that we were brought together this way. I thank God every day when He allows me to experience something, especially when it's something good. Having you in my life now in this way is most definitely something very good, and very needed. I thank God, and I thank you Janka, for this wonderful friendship. You are a treasure, dear one. That miracle you described must have been truly awesome to experience. You didn't mentioned whether you felt any fear, but I suspect you didn't. I was never even one time scared by Cookie's "visits". Only feelings of happiness and wholesomeness. It eased my mind to know that she was okay, and was looking in on me in those little ways. It eases my mind to know that your Jan passed so easily, in his sleep. You seem to be so very much like me (or vice versa), so I'm sure in your mind there was some consolation in knowing that Jan passed somewhat quickly and painlessly. You mentioned that Jan and I were about the same age. I was born in 1949. Cookie was a few years older than me. 7 to be exact. But it wouldn't have mattered if it had been 70. When 2 people love each other that age gap just doesn't seem to matter, does it? Typing this makes me remember the day she confessed her real age to me. When we met and started dating she had fibbed to me about her age. Then about a week before our wedding the realization hit her that she had to be honest with me. She was so awfully afraid that it would matter to me. I just took her face in my hands and asked her to please never lie to me again. About anything. That was it. Nothing else needed to be said. The anguish she had put herself through over it to me seemed like more than enough punishment. After that, we spent 41 years being completely honest with each other about everything. I spent this past weekend not feeling very well. I don't get sick or down like this very often. I live alone now except for my little puppy. Cookie and I had both outlived our families, so there is no family to check in on me. The friends I have around here have their own problems and issues, so I try not to impose. And I guess I should admit that there were a few days last week that I thought I still had the stamina of a 20 year old. I just was trying to do too much too soon, and it cought up with me. Saturday morning I had to admit to myself that I'm not Superman. hehe So this week I just need to make myself do chores and such in smaller doses, and just allow my body the time it needs to heal after the surgery. I'm including a photo of Cookie. It was taken in a book store we owned at the time, in 1985 or so. It isn't a very good picture. It was taken back in those dinosaur-era days before digital cameras, and I had tried to squeeze one too many pictures onto a roll of film. This picture came out a little flawed because of that. But it's hands down my favorite picture of Cookie. She always had such a beautiful smile, and sparkle in those beautiful eyes. Those are the eyes that watch over me every day now. I like your little rat. It's so cute with that big eyeball. There's still a kid in all of us. How fun it must be for you to cozy up with all those snuggle buddies at bedtime---and other times too. I pray you are well today. With love, my treasured friend, Darrel
  10. Sweet One, never give up on your dream of making it to the Isle of Capri. What a beautiful place it is. I've never seen it. I just watched your video of it you had put on a post. Don't give up on life. We never know what's around that next curve. Love Ya.
  11. Wow, my dear. Wow! How I ever felt your pain in that beginning post. But it really isn't pain, is it? It's anguish more than pain. You had just lost that one worldly thing that held your world together. Your anchor that kept you grounded. I know all that because it's the same anguish I felt. And still feel every day. You make it so easy for me to talk about these things, because I know you understand every syllable of it. Unfortunately. Reading it made me cry a little bit. For some reason, I don't cry easily. To this day I have never had that hard cry after Cookie's passing that is supposed to be so helpful. I don't know why. It just wouldn't ever come out. Heck, I went through almost my entire first year of grieving with no support of any kind. Cookie died on New Year's Day, and I didn't even happen upon this group until Christmas Eve of that year. I just got through each day trying to keep myself occupied so I wouldn't have to think. The thinking drove me crazy. I never even once seriously considered suicide. It would have been so easy to end all my anguish that way, but it just isn't in me to take my own life that way. I used to wonder why the Lord left me alone like this after He brought us together back in 1974, and gave us over 41 delicious years together. But by the end of her time here with me on Earth, her poor weak body was just worn out. All of her sicknesses had just finally worn it out. Ending her struggling the way I had to was absolutely the hardest thing I had ever had to do. But there is no way that a decision like that should be easy. I'm just so very thankful that God gave me the strength to say what I had to say that day. She was in the critical care unit of the hospital she was in, and they kept her heavily sedated around the clock so that she wouldn't struggle or try to pull the tubes out. So when I gave the instructions to turn the ventilator off she wasn't consciously aware of what was even happening. I've always been grateful for that. She died painlessly, with her dignity intact. I pray that on the day you lost Jan that he was able to pass without pain or suffering. I know that Jan and Cookie look down here at us now, and are pleased that you and I found each other. Having you to talk to this way makes me happy. Our little chats give me something to look forward to each day. I think it's cute that you have all those little snuggle buddies, and that there's a little of Jan inside each one of them. I've told you some things about myself because I don't mind doing it, and I thought it would maybe help to get to know me a little bit. But I do want you to know that I in no way want or expect you to reciprocate. I didn't do it with that kind of expectation. Whatever you tell me is up to you, and should only be what you are comfortable sharing about yourself. And if I should ever ask a question that you prefer not to answer, just don't. You won't offend me or hurt my feelings. Gosh but I do get long winded don't I? I never was any good at saying things in one word or less. hehe I hope your having a good and restful sleep tonight, with your little pieces of Jan in bed with you. Sleep well lovely Janka.
  12. My Dear Janka, Last night and today have been somewhat better for me. I got to sleep last night about 8:30 or so, got up once during the night for the restroom, and then didn't get up this morning til about 8:30. That long of a sleep is unheard of for me. Believe me-I'm not complaining. I needed the good rest. Each day the pain is a little less severe, and it has been pleasingly tolerable today. I've been keeping busy today doing my house wifey duties. I'm making a pot of potato soup to have for a few mild, easy meals. I mentioned that I would tell you about some of Cookie's After Death Communications. I usually just refer them as visits from her. They won't mean much unless I explain each one a little, but I'll try not to be unbearingly long. No point in turning this into a torture session. lol The first one involved a butterfly. Shortly after Cookie passed, still during the first week of January, 2016 I was walking my little dog outdoors. I was feeling really melancholy that day. I was walking along mostly just looking down at the ground, and I looked up and glanced over to a certain spot just as a beautiful green and pink butterfly was flying straight toward my head. This was happening in the month of January, with the temperature being about 35 degrees (F) or so. Not exactly prime butterfly season, right? When this butterfly got to me it flew around my head twice, and then flew away. Something else to think about with this...green and pink were always 2 of Cookie's favorite colors. I've had people question my sanity when I talk about these events, but I will always believe that this butterfly was Cookie's way of letting me know that she was okay, and that she wanted me to be too. Another involves a windchime. Cookie always liked them. There was one particular little one that was one of her favorites, so after she passed I hung it indoors, in a door frame going from a living room into a hallway. Where I hung it at, it was never in the path of any sort of breeze or wind current. By the time all these events have happened I was living completely alone, except for the little puppy. I was laying in bed one evening trying to read and I heard this little windchime tinkling. There was no breeze blowing through the apartment or anything else that would have caused it to tinkle. It just did. Was it Cookie again? My heart believes what it believes. I've got more, but my little puppy is letting me know that it's time to take her for a walk. So, off we go. God's beautiful blessings, dear Janka. My love to you, Darrel
  13. Dear, sweet Janka, What beautiful photos of Bratislava and the countryside. Your city appears to be so pristine, quaint, and just good old fashioned pretty. My country isn't even old enough yet to have the kind of history that these photos reflect. I've never been much of a traveler. I was stationed in Thailand for 2 years during the Vietnam war. That's the extent of my world travel. I've been in every state of the United States except for Alaska, and only one other country. This is a beautiful planet that we inhabit. I've just never been able to see much of it. Oh well, if that's my biggest problem, then I guess I really have nothing to complain about. I feel extremely fortunate that God united the 2 of us in the quirky little way. God saw something in the commonality of what we both have experienced, and with His infinite wisdom He allowed us to "bump into" each other. The chats we have are already helping me to put one foot in front of the other with a more contented smile on my face. I am so grateful for us having this opportunity to have our little chats. I am most certainly benefiting from you, and I think you are as well. Wouldn't it be a wonderful side note if Jan and Cookie have encountered each other up above, and are keeping each other company while they wait for us to join them. We could keep ourselves occupied forever playing those kinds of little games with our thoughts, couldn't we? I wonder if there are any coffee shoppes in heaven where the 4 of us could meet for morning coffee and visit each morning? Don't mind me. I get silly sometimes when I'm strangely happy. I'm off now to walk my little companion ( a little chihauhau) before calling it an early night. I had a lot of pain during the night last night and didn't sleep very well. I look forward to tomorrow's installment. Thank you for being you, dear Janka.
  14. Good morning sweet Janka, Thank you for the Easter bunnies! I chuckled when I saw them at the bottom of your post. Your good heart shows through your little touches. My goodness, but this old and troubled planet we live on just keeps getting smaller and smaller, doesn't it? Even in my wildest hallucinations I never would have imagined that I would ever have a "pen pal" in Slovakia. Life's surprises aren't always bad.The mental picture I get of your bed being covered by all the various plush toys you mentioned is delightful. What a treat that must be return home to that at the end of each day. And the fact that most of them were from Jan just makes them all that much more special. There's a little piece of Jan snuggled up inside each one. It isn't the same as having him still there of course, but there's no doubt but that they give you a lot of peace when you can curl up with them. Do you have them insured? hehe And God has blessed me , and still does in some wonderful way every day. Each time that I wake up to another new day is a blessing that I thank Him for each morning. It was His plan that brought me and Cookie together in the fall of 1974. It started out as just another random job interview at a motel in Oklahoma City. The second I saw her, it was love at first sight. To borrow a line from the movie Jerry McGuire, she had me with Hello. And it's through the Lord that your path and mine have intersected in this wonderful little way. Even though our paths hadn't crossed yet when it happened, I did notice when you cancelled you membership in this group for a while. I'm not even attempting to find out what happened to bring that about. It's none of my business, and shouldn't be. But whatever it was must have been pretty bad to cause you to even consider doing it. It brought me some happiness later on when I noticed you had re-kindled your membership. I wouldn't be able to visit with you now if you hadn't. God does work in mysterious ways, doesn't He? My goal this year continues to be to find something each day to be happy about. I wish the same for you, dear Janka. May you never allow life to remove that delightful smile of yours. It's just one of your wonderful little gifts to everyone around you. Be happy. And be well. God's blessings. One foot in front of the other... Darrel
  15. Darrel,

    i share your faith in reuniting in heaven.  Just want your opinion.  Al and I were both widowed when we met.  We became soul mates very quickly.  Married for 15 years.  He said his life with me was the absolute best he had ever known.  I know they were the best for me.  How will that work?  Will I be united with him?  What if his 1st wife wants to be with him as much as I do?  

    Gin

×