Kellyb

Thank you both Marty and Kay for your responses - I really appreciate it. Today marks 12 days since we last had any contact at all. I am so sad, I have spent days in bed reading self development books and trying to rest, went for a long walk this morning but I still hate it. The world seems to be carrying on parallel to mine right now with everyone still riding the festive train and talking about the new year. I can only cope with looking to the next hour or two or however long I can drag the next distraction cleaning task out. Why has he left me? - still with the knowledge that I am carrying our baby? How can anyone do that? He said he loved me. The feeling of complete abandonment makes it hard to breathe sometimes. I dream about him showing up at the house and talking about the loss of his father and wanting to give us everything. But if he does ever contact me again I'll have to tell me that I lost our child and have to voice the failure I feel in that. And that makes me hope that he doesn't. I cannot speak to anyone because I do not want to ruin their Christmas holidays

Hey, can anyone please please please help me. I need to hear from someone neutral so badly. Almost 5 weeks ago my boyfriends father died, as soon as I learned I rushed to be by his side and spent the night together comforting him, the following day he text to say thanks for rushing over (it's about a 2 hour drive) "it meant the world to him". the following week I was careful to let him know I care, that I'm here for him without any pressure. I understood that his mother needed him and he himself needed to process things. At this time we had suspicion that I might be pregnant and although a surprise, we were excited and nervous but looking forward potentially having a baby. My pregnancy was confirm 5 days after his father died - I hadn't seen boyfriend during that time but daily texts and calls. He phone started to be off. I ended up sending a picture of the test result out of frustration - he text back hours later "I'll call you late to catch up". during the following 2 weeks his fathers funeral service took place and I wasn't invited or expected - I'm yet to meet his family and he thought it wasn't the right time and circumstance - I respected that for all parties. He became distant, phone always off, would make plans and not bother showing up. After not seeing him for nearly 3 weeks we had planned to have dinner - I text asking his eta and he said at least a couple of hours as he had just sat down to eat. We fought over text. I said I felt disrespected that in 3 weeks he hadn't even found the time to get his backside anywhere near me or this baby and we had a lot to talk about. He said he wasn't coming when "you're being like this" I haven't heard from him since. the following day after the phone fight I woke up at 3am in horrific pain and drove myself to the hospital. I suffered a miscarriage all by myself with no one but a strange nurse to comfort me. I have been at home since trying to heal my body and my heart. My family nothing of this. Yesterday I attended a family Christmas meal - my first day out the house in almost a week. I spent all day playing with the children so as to avoid adult conversation and the "how are you.s" I thought I'd break down so chose to pretend. I didn't want to ruin their Christmas. Still no word from the boyfriend - so as far as he knows I am still carrying our baby. But he has not made any contact. I feel so alone. And abandoned BUT did I not support his grieving as I should have and is he feeling alone and abandoned ???? do I tell him or wait until he gets in touch - if he ever does? I don't want to add any more drama to his life right now, I want to protect him. The man I loved would not have left me to deal with this - but all his actions say that is exactly what he has done. Do I reach out to him or wait in hope