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AB3

Contributor
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    222
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About AB3

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Savannah, GA

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    Fiancee
  • Date of Death
    12/10/16
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    NA

Recent Profile Visitors

693 profile views
  1. It's been almost 5 months since my fiance passed away and I've been trying really hard to stay strong, positive and to keep going. But even with prayer and moving forward with everyday things like work....it's not enough. For one I don't feel like Im good enough. No matter how hard I try it seems as if something always goes wrong....even the slightest chance at happiness is eventually shattered. You think I would be use to it now....I have faced many moments of pain and suffering during my 27 years of life but there's only so much I can take. Every one has a breaking point. I want to thank everyone here who has responded to all my posts and have extended their advice and support, this will be my last post on here. I don't know where to go from here or what exactly it is I need to do but in time the decision will become clearer. Goodbye everyone
  2. Has anyone watched the Netflix series "13 Reasons Why"?? It's based off a book about a young girl who leaves behind tapes detailing each situation or person that caused her to chose to end her life. I'm sorry if suicide is a touchy subject for anyone here but I'm sure many of us could probably understand the position of why people chose to do so. I'm not suicidal or anything but I can understand feeling hopeless and alone. Coming here does help but out in the real world I feel like I'm invisible walking right through people.....no one sees me or feels me....I'm just here.
  3. I'm feeling kind of down today and a bit irritated. Really missing the little things and even the big things. I just really miss my old life. I miss being happy. Sometimes all this just gets to me mainly because I keep it all to myself. I don't really have anyone to talk to about it so I spend everyday going through the motions and holding all the pain and sadness inside. Sometimes I don't know how to keep going but I still try to. I just wish I had someone to talk to or cry to every once in awhile. It's hard putting on a brave face every day....I'm tired.
  4. Darrel, I'm so glad to hear from you, I was worried and prayed you were ok. I'm so sorry for all that happened with you over the past couple of months. This journey is anything but easy.
  5. Kayc. Im sorry your daughter is going through that and I know you don't wish him bad but I know it's got to be hard to see your child in pain. Life is just rough and painful those are the only words I can use to describe it.Guess the best years are behind us all....
  6. Never imagined life could be so painful....
  7. Some days and some moments I can fool myself into thinking Im ok that I will be ok. I haven't cried in awhile and I've been standing stong. I've even smiled and laughed a few times here and there. But today it all came crashing down and reality started to creep it's way back in. Today I found out a close family friend of my fiance....someone who he mentor and spoke of often passed away, she was only 19. It's really unbelievable to me but it shouldn't be.....I shouldn't be surprised by any of this by now. We are here today and gone tomorrow and there's nothing we can do about it so why am I laying here in tears?? I made the mistake of going through old pictures of us which I think only made this day and the horrible news of this beautiful young girls passing worst. But there was a time where we were all happy and alive....and living.....I don't want to forget that but then I do because it's too painful to remember. I'm sorry I'm all over the place right now with this post.....just needed to vent....it's been a day.....it's been a life.....
  8. I've been reading all the post and comments you all have been writing lately and realized that this pain is a forever type of thing. We all seem to have some tolerable days but then there are the days that seem almost unbearable. I'm so sorry we all are suffering. This pain is so damaging and sometimes I try to overlook it....and sometimes it works. I was thinking of how when my fiance passed away I thought surly the world would stop or there would be some type of end of the world situation. I also remember thinking that I would wake up and it would all just be a bad dream or I would immediately go back in time to where we were happy and everything was well. I still have those moments of "magical thinking" and I know I can't be alone in this. This life is heartbreaking for us all and I realized that it doesn't matter how long any of us spend with our partners, how many years we had under our belts....no amount of time could or would have ever been enough. I pray for us all....for strength and for peace.....anything that will get us through the rest of our time here.....
  9. Autumn, there's nothing wrong with that at all. I feel the same way. I feel like I pretend to be ok enough at work and around people but sometimes you just need to be alone and take the mask off for awhile.
  10. Mike's Girl, the only thing you can do is take it one day at a time or one sec/min at a time like I say. I just hit the 4 month mark and I wish I could tell you the pain and loneliness goes away or decrease but I can't because it doesn't. You just learn to live with it....it becomes a part of your existence. Someone told me that this is the price we pay for falling in love and finding our soulmates. I have to agree but I wouldn't change a thing!
  11. Very true George, I keep this in mind: I lived the best parts of my life already....that was God's gift to me, the remainder of the time I have here is my gift to him....living my true purpose fulfilling whatever he has put me here for.
  12. I think at this point we all know the "ugly" truth about life. The one in which we overlooked when we all were whole but can no longer look pass. The truth that has been there since day one but yet we thought we could manipulate. But that truth is front and center at this point. So what is the truth about life? The truth is we have no control over it....none. No matter what we do life will do what it wants. I've realized as much as I thought I had control over my life I never did and I never will. We are all pieces on a game board in which is played by one person....or higher being. (Religious beliefs). So I gave up trying to fight the inevitable and trying to control what I obviously can't. Realizing the control isn't yours leaves you less disappointed. Wish I came to this realization years ago.....
  13. I think at this point we all know the "ugly" truth about life. The one in which we overlooked when we all were whole but can no longer look pass. The truth that has been there since day one but yet we thought we could manipulate. But that truth is front and center at this point. So what is the truth about life? The truth is we have no control over it....none. No matter what we do life will do what it wants. I've realized as much as I thought I had control over my life I never did and I never will. We are all pieces on a game board in which is played by one person....or higher being. (Religious beliefs). So I gave up trying to fight the inevitable and trying to control what I obviously can't. Realizing the control isn't yours leaves you less disappointed. Wish I came to this realization years ago.....
  14. Dr. Lenera, our stories are a bit similar as about 3 days before my fiance passed he stated his stomach was feeling funny but instead of going to the hospital he decided to just call and they told him to take some stomach meds. I too thought it could be more serious and feel guilty for not pushing him to go to the hospital but I know he was tired of hospitals and deep down I know he would have still passed away.
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