My tragedy started on February 2, 2017 when my mom woke me up early that morning to ask if she could let 2 of my dogs out, my 7 year old lab and my 1 year old golden, I was tired and annoyed about being woken up so early even though they weren't supposed to be out together because they'd run off I told my mom to let them out. We live on an 80 acre family ranch surrounded by mountains and basically nothing else even though we have neighbors the the nearest is a small trailer park about 3 or 4 miles away so we have always let our dogs out to run on the property but my lab Alice had hip issues and couldn't go as long and hard as my golden Piper, that didn't stop her from trying though, so they needed to not be out together so Alice wouldn't get so sore. They were gone for hours that morning but they had done that before so I didn't think much of it. Finally I saw Alice coming back but I didn't see Piper, which wasn't to unusual they would sometimes come in a few minutes apart so I wasn't worried. 30 minutes later I went out and called for Piper, thinking maybe she was at my cousins house playing with their dogs. She didn't come and no one had seen her. I began to search down in the field Alice had come from there was no sign of her she had vanished. A few days later, while still searching for Piper, Alice began acting strange, not eating or drinking, not being herself. We took to the vet where she stayed over night and they ran some tests. The vet called me the next morning and said her intestinal tract was blocked and twisted and that while they could do surgery to try and repair it there was a high chance of it happening again and in a dog her age with her medical history it was not a good prognosis. 5 days after losing Piper I had to make the choice to euthanize my Alice, my first dog all my own my protector and my baby. I will never forget the way her head fell as the drugs started to work or watching her breath stop coming. I was strong for her like she was for me her whole life until her heart stopped beating, I didn't shed a single tear until she was gone and I lost it. We took her home and buried her under an old oak tree next to all the dogs who came before her. It's a sacred place on our ranch. I had been searching endlessly for my Piper, thinking maybe someone thought she was dumped and picked her up we posted fliers and all over the internet for my missing girl but we haven't heard a thing. I know she is alive out there, I can feel it, someone has her and isn't giving her up and I hope I'll see her again, I'm still looking. In my mind though I blame myself, if I'd just said no that day, if I'd gone to look sooner then maybe my girls would still be here. I can't stop the heartache. The physical pain in my chest, knowing that I could have prevented all this by saying no to my mom that morning. Sure maybe Alice still would have gotten sick and that was out of my control but Piper really is my fault and I have to live with that everyday. Neither loss hurts worse then the other but with Alice there is at least a sense of closure, where with Piper there is always wondering and hope and fear about what happened to her and I have been struggling everyday with that. I cry everyday and I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it because they are just dogs and I should have gotten over it by now but to me they were my children and I want to ask what would you do if it were your children in this situation? Would you have gotten over it by now? I guess I'm kind of rambling at this point, I just don't know what to do.
