Cathleen

thank you Kayc, that is beautiful!!!

thankyou Kerrycat. Like you said, it's a comfort sharing with people who understand. We will never know what might have happened if we'd done things differently, but we do know what actually happened. Part of the problem with Bonnie was that her regular vet was on leave and the vet in the same practice she saw didn't do any risk assessment around a dental procedure which was what pushed her over the edge. She was old with kidney disease - the tooth needed to come out as it would have been painful for her, but if I'd been properly advised I would have opted for euthanasia rather than putting her through an ill-advised dental anaesthesia. I have had some grief counselling with someone who is a former vet. Apparently pets with kidney problems can die quite quickly and often it's heart failure which is what happened with Bonnie and it sounds like your Nathaniel too. I totally understand what you've done with the stuffed cat - I've had times where I've cuddled Bonnie's urn and told her how sorry I am. I'm doing whatever feels right. That included adopting another older rescue dog last week. I was getting dangerously depressed about it all - losing Bonnie, the vets (another vet took over the last few days, still not her regular one) and also missing having a dog and had to act. I did the same when my first dog died, and losing Bonnie has hit me even harder because of how she died. (Randy had cancer and I had him put to sleep with me there). I now have 3 spaces in my heart - 1 each for Bonnie and Randy and a new one for Ginny. I will go back to the grief counsellor as I don't want to become bitter about what happened, rather move forward so I can remember Bonnie and the joy she brought me. When I can face it I will go back to the vet practice. What happened wasn't full on negligence, but it fell short of good practice. (There was a mistake re blood tests plus as mentioned the lack of risk assessment, plus no proper advice on the last Monday). Meantime I'm finding ways to create memorials for Bonnie. My latest is a Facebook page in her name!

I'm so sorry Enna. The Rainbow Bridge is a lovely idea and I hope it's true! It helped me when my first dog died with the hope that maybe I would see him again one day.

Kerrycat, I went through much the same thing when my little dog died a couple of weeks ago. Like Nathaniel, Bonnie had kidney disease, and had been at the vet on IV fluids since the Monday. She had pulled through previous episodes. On the Wednesday morning she had been bright, demanded double breakfast, but then went downhill later that afternoon. The vet rang me and said they would re-test blood the next morning, as planned, but if she hadn't improved we would be looking at euthanasia. There was no indication that her condition was critical. The next morning the vet rang to say she had died, probably just before they came in. I didn't go to see her while she was at the vets because she would have been distressed at not being able to come home with me, but I will always regret not going that Wednesday. .Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share my story with someone else who is feeling the pain of our situation. Most people get the opportunity to say goodbye to our beloved pets - we didn't. And we know our pets died alone in a scary place instead of being in our arms. I only got to cuddle her again after she died. I'm probably not much help as I'm still feeling shattered over Bonnie.