Hi Guinivere, I know what you are saying. Those first few years after Rick died, I tried to convince myself that things really weren't that different. If I was doing laundry, he could have been out mowing the yard or if i was making dinner, it was no different than if he just wasn't home from work yet. The problem was there was no one to bring that cold glass of tea to in the yard and when 5:00 rolled around, I didn't hear him call out "Hoooh!" as he bounded up the stairs. It does get more real and much more difficult as the first few years drag by. I could not imagine nor did I want another man in my life either--Still don't. But, finally for me, there came a point where the memories began to turn sweet instead of devastating. The clock of my life started to tick again. I am praying that will happen for you, sooner rather than later.