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About trojancaroline

  • Rank
    New Visitor

Profile Information

  • Your gender
  • Location (city, state)
    Los Angeles, CA

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    Best friend
  • Date of Death
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
  1. Memorial service protocol

    Thank you, KayC, I am so grateful for your words and thoughts. I do have other friends from those days who would be able to come and celebrate her life too. I know many of us were very shocked and sad to hear about her passing and I want to honor that slice of our lives. It's hard to know what is the right thing to do with the passage of time and a lot of hurt that got built up. I really appreciate your input and understanding!
  2. Memorial service protocol

    Hi Everyone, I appreciate anyone's input on this, I've never experienced anything like this loss before. I am 33 and have lost grandparents and an uncle but never anyone so close to me. My best friend and roommate my last two years of college passed away in October. We had lost touch over the years but our bond was very deep and the relationship was very meaningful to me. I am devastated by the news and by what happened to my sweet sweet friend. I really, really want to have a small memorial service for my friend at our university at a garden we used to go to. Her birthday is coming up. I wanted to know if this is appropriate? The circumstances around her death are terrible. Alcoholism tore her life apart. I know at the end of an alcoholic's life, everyone is gone. I missed the family's service back in October, but I heard it was informal and small. I really want to celebrate her life. Would it be hurtful for me to contact her mother to invite her if I have a memorial? Is it okay for me to have a memorial for my friend, even if we had lost touch for a few years? I don't want to add to the family's grief or sadness or intrude on their grieving. My own feels quite overwhelming. But I want to honor my friend and celebrate her life and how much she meant to me. I have never gone through anything like this before and don't know what is the right or wrong thing to do. Her mother threw my 21st birthday party and we were very close. We spent Christmases, New Years, birthdays, vacations, holidays, and so many memories together. I want to reach out to her mother but I don't want to upset her more. I feel quite isolated right now. I don't get the sense that anyone in my life really understands my sadness because we had not been in touch for a few years. But I had always thought we would reconnect one day. Our lives had so many parallels that make our experiences feel like mirror images; we could have ended up, easily, in the same place. I am not close to my own family and don't have a partner right now. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel or if my grief is inappropriate, but I'm just devastated. I appreciate everyone's thoughts and input. Thank you.