Trippinbugs

Oh hun, I completely understand what you are experiencing, and going through. I'm new here, and just registered. I'm not exactly sure where my story fits in on the forums here, but your story has given me a huge push to get on here and share. In a nutshell, I too have lost my brother. He passed a year and a half ago, after being in a coma for 18 years. We were best friends, basically all we had growing up in a "divorcing, combative" childhood. My parents gave up, and I always had to be the strong one. My mother fell deep into her alcoholic tendencies, and my father just gave up on himself and let his medical issues become his solace. Unfortunately, I also lost my father. On Halloween of this year, he decided he had had enough, and I had to let him go. When my mother found out, she laughed jokingly "What's wrong, you're acting like your father finally died or something?" And when I told her that that was a terrible thing to say to her, she laughed hysterically, and hung up the phone. I haven't heard from her since. I feel like I've now lost my whole entire family. I never got to grieve for my brother because I had to be strong, and I also had to help take care of him full time. Once he was put into a nursing care facility, I then had to take care of my father who was completely bedridden for the last 10+ years of his life. I feel like I was always looked at as the only healthy family member, like I was expected to live and do with my life by what they expected. I am now realizing that I have spent my life trying so hard to live up to their expectations, and I have gotten nowhere. To this day even, and the saddest part is that when I need someone the most, they are all gone. I know it's not my fault, and I know I don't deserve that. So, I'm here. I have a very hard time talking about my situation, but I want to. I don't have a lot of support outside of my fiance and two small boys, so I was hoping that some sort of online support group/forum would help fill the emptiness that I'm seeking to fill. My story is very complicated and long, and I will be sharing this soon. It may take a bit of time for me to complete and get it pushed out, but I hope that you seek out my story and find some peace in knowing that someone out "here" totally gets it. Even in the big world of this online community, just one person validating your thoughts, emotions and situation can help ease the mind. At least, this is my hope. In reading around the different boards, I'm seeing a lot of support, and I hope that this becomes a nice comfortable spot for me to land when I need it. And I need it now. Thank you for sharing your story, and thank you for giving me the courage to reach out. I too hope that you continue to reach out, and never give up.