GRAMMY50

MartyT, You nailed it! Thank you. It really helps to communicate with people who understand. Thanks for the article links.

Thank you all for your response. I seem to be stuck in this space where so many key people have fallen off the radar in my circle. I'm struggling and not needy by nature so I'm not the kind to "ask" for someone to check in with me. But I literally feel like screaming out "I'm not ok" could someone who is suppose to notice please just NOTICE?? I know people grieve in a huge spectrum of ways. So I feel like I am really aware if this. (I am actually very involved in peer support for law enforcement we educate people on PTSD, trauma, depression ect) so I have a pretty extensive understanding. Yet here I am living it and it's beating the hell out of me. And I'm feeling a bit abandoned. Anyway, thank you for allowing me to purge. I needed it..

On January 6th my mother passed away after a difficult year of declining health. I was just beginning to grieve this HUGE loss and 3 days later, I received word from my oldest son that his wife who was 20 weeks pregnant had just learned that their baby had an extremely severe brain malformation and would not reach full term. The following 3 weeks were filled with multiple specialists and testing which confirmed the prognosis. On January 31st my beautiful granddaughter Eleanor was born at 23 weeks and lived for only 30 minutes. She was so absolutely beautiful and perfect on the outside. My son and his wife delivered Eleanor just 1 year and one day after suffering their first miscarriage. They have an amazing 5 year old, son who is autistic, and he is the love of my life and theirs. They have wanted so desperately to grow their family and these losses have been beyond devastating. I find myself today struggling tremendously in my grief. I’m doing everything I know how to support them emotionally and yet it feels so completely inadequate, and at the end of the day I am left with my own sadness that feels so overwhelming, it takes my breath away.