Jump to content

Janka

Contributor
  • Content count

    85
  • Joined

  • Last visited

About Janka

  • Rank
    Conservatory of classical music and other arts.
  • Birthday May 28

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Bratislava,Slovakia.
  • Interests
    God,music,poetry.

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    My beloved man Jan.
  • Date of Death
    11.11.´11
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Not involved.

Recent Profile Visitors

1,121 profile views
  1. Janka

    Happiest Day - Najšťastnejší deň

    My dear Brad, I´m the happiest just for you too... With love Janka
  2. My dear Marita,my sweet friend! Many days I think of how I should start this confession as my thanks for your sincere and warm friendship that you´ve been giving to me lately... There aren´t many people like you in my life,and though our correspondence started lately only,time doesn´t play any role in all of this.I´ve spent many years in the tears,but there is a hope and love that I find in my Brad now... I´m thankful for everyone on here who has helped me some way,but I´d like to dedicate this message to you who became my close friend and the person who have always found the right words of understanding this way.So thank you,dear Marita!May God bless you all the time and I hope to hear from you again.You belong to those precious people who touched my heart... I wish all the best to everyone on here too... With love Janka
  3. Janka

    Happiest Day - Najšťastnejší deň

    For my dear Brad... From the heart... Janka https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-o8jgKBNwws
  4. My dear Marita! Thank you for such lovely pictures!They put a smile on my face.You´re such a positive and merry person like me.There´re too many pesimistic and angry people all around.What for?They only make us feel worse off.We need something else to feel any better again... Tomorrow I´ll meet someone that I´ve been longing to see for many years and it´s such a pleasant change.A few days spending in his company may brighten up my life for a while.Such a pity it can´t be any longer because of too long distance between us,but I´m thankful for 4 days too.He is very close to me and always will.It´s one of those rare people that we need nearby.I feel very happy,all the more that I know there will come any harder days later again.If I only could,I´d rather leave to live somewhere else...But who knows?Maybe one day I will...Hope never dies and it´s for free... You,my dear ones,who reach out to me some way,are my angels on earth... Thank you again,my dear friend,for everything that might caress my heart and put a smile on my face! Janka
  5. It was one of those who pretend a friendship in order to get more.I had 4 best friends of mine and one of them was like that,so I had to end it up lately as I already remembered in my post before.I had known him since I was 15 y.o.He also was a close friend of our family,but he started talking badly about my beloved Jan,though they had never met.I was his obsession only,because he couldn´t stand that I love someone else,someone much better than him.After my beloved Jan died,he started urge me that we belong together.Such nonsense!I had never been in love with him.He even asked me to marry him 3 times lately.He was talking about my beloved Jan disrespectfully and asked me to forget him.Anyhow I couldn´t stand such behaviour anymore.Some people come and go like the leaves on the trees and other ones become important forever like the roots in the ground.No one will talk badly about my beloved Jan.He was the best I´ve ever met in my whole life. Thank you for your nice words,dear Ana!It´s kind of you that you always care. Hugs from Janka
  6. Dear Tom! I don´t like it too for many reasons.One of them is simple.Many of those people don´t really mean it.If I there´s a stranger who doesn´t care,I let it be;if there´s someone who is interested in conversation,I say the truth.Mostly I ask if they really want to hear the truth and everything is clear after.Anyway it´s not a pleasant feeling when someone ask how are you with such happy grin,though well known about your loss... Hugs from Janka
  7. My dear Marita! This is day-to-day fight...Not long ago I talked with someone about my beloved man and I stayed surprised how his "well-meant" words hit me...He told me that if I´d be with him,he´d love me more than my beloved Jan did...It was such a shock that I couldn´t calm down a long time after... No one could ever love me as much as my beloved Jan did...no one could ever love me the way he did...no one in this world... I didn´t expect anything like that after such a long time,and yet it still hurts when someone say those words...I didn´t talk to him about a breaking up,then I could find someone better again;I talked about the death of most beloved,the best one who is irreplaceable forever...Some people take it for the same...They don´t know what they talk about at all... How could I love him or miss him less just because 6 years and 7 months have passed by?It´s impossible! My heart cries loud for him...My beloved Jan will always be the best,the most beautiful and the greatest love in my life,and there isn´t possible to compare anybody to him...it´s not good...comparing may destroy everything at all...It´s been a long time and people around expect me to get used to it or get over it...I can not... I know that I´ll never hide my beloved Jan´s photos in a drawer...They´re still in my room and will always be...He may never be forgotten! We may love another people...because we need to feel the love towards them...but we may never compare them to someone who is irreplaceable forever...It´s not possible... With love Janka
  8. My dear Cookie! In the 13th of June will be the anniversay of you and your most beloved one,so I´d like to wish you in advance a peaceful and blessing time spending in loving memory of you two.I do know that he still means the whole world to you and it´s getting harder in this time again.For me it´s not any easier too,because in the 24th of June it´s gonna be the name-day of my love as well.We celebrate the name in Slovak calendar.His name means John in English,the same name as your husband had,so I´ll be thinking of them both on that day... I truly hope that my words may make it a little easier for you...you stay in my thoughts and prayers all the time...as well as other precious people in my life... I´d like to dedicate this favourite song of mine to you both from the bottom of my heart... Flashdance-Lady,lady,lady (Joe Esposito) 1983.mp4 Hugs and love from Janka
  9. Today was a nice day.I met my best friends and enjoyed a hot and sunny weather again.I had no interest in coming back to this empty flat,but a storm and raining weather pushed me in later on.Now I sit in my room,hear the rain drops falling behind my windows and feel the emptiness again.Other people around live their lives...And me?How will I live for the rest of my life?I can hardly imagine what it´s gonna be like...Will I ever find some happiness yet?So many drastic changes for such a short time!Every day I try to make some progress in getting better and lo and behold something happened after all.I found myself able to greet with a kind smile those ones who make my life unbearable.It felt really good and made me smile,all the more when I saw the faces,so surprised by my reaction.I write down a progress that I make every day and it keeps me going on,because I know that every good deed makes me closer to God and to my beloved Jan as well,so I never live in vain at all.Another lesson in life...And though I feel lonely in this empty flat that is not mine at all,I can´t swim in the lake of my tears all the time...I must move on again... Anyway there must be something left at last...the love I´ve been missing even more each day...we´re the creatures of love,so I keep on trying... With love Janka
  10. I sit on this thread of mine like a bird on the wire,because this is the place that makes me feel like home...the home I´ve lost after my beloved Jan died...This thread I created in loving memory of him makes me feel that I still have a piece of him in this world when I keep writing on here...My church is the place where I found my home again,and yet my praying and talking to God makes me closer to my beloved Jan more than ever,because there´s the place where he lives now...After all,this will be the last station where the train take my heart from to bring it to the end where he will be waiting for one day...Till then I must do the best I can to get there when my time may come...So I take a seat on my thread again to honour him and find a solace till the end of my time... I´m thankful for my friends and all the good people who love me...It means the whole world to me now,because I couldn´t live without the feeling of love anymore...Today it´s a sunny day again and my hopes woke up with me looking for a better tomorrow...Love never ends and we can find it in every person that we meet...we just have to try... With love Janka
  11. Dear Nicolegrace! I´m very sorry for your loss!You found a good place where everyone has been going through the same at.I hear the same things like you by now and it´s been 6 years and 7 months this week.I still have a problem to touch the piano that my beloved man Jan had bought me,because playing hurts me by now.It always be someone who say something wrong and hurtful and I noticed the more time goes by,all the more they repeat it.Even one of my best friends who didn´t mean it badly at all carelessly said a few days ago when I mentioned how big problem it is for me still:"OMG,it´s been 6 years!"For her it´s the past only and I should get over it.So I´m thankful that I´ve got another best friends of mine who never say anything like that,because they have their partners,so they know what is love.This one is living alone all her life and she never knew such great love at all,so I can understand her.One way or another,it always hurts to hear.Sometimes it´s necessary to say them what is all about and sometimes it´s not worthy of talking anything as for the strangers around.It doesn´t matter to me,because they´re not close to me.This is what helps me to do not be hurt so much... There´re great people who are always here for you to make it easier each day... You´re never alone... With love Janka
  12. I must react to this,because I stayed shocked again by reaction that we,the grieving people,must reckon with all the time...It was very reckless,I think...Only those people,who have never known such great love as we all on here have,may say anything like that...I know they don´t realize what they do mostly,as well as one of my friends from work a few months ago...She was so happy to see me after such a long time and when we started talking about my beloved Jan,yet she carelessly asked me:"Did you already forget him?"Well,it always hurts to hear something like that... I´m sorry that you had the same experience! Hugs from Janka
  13. Dear Marita, I´m so pleasantly surprised that you really noticed what many others never did,though they know me any better and much longer.You hit the nail on the head.It´s my pursuit of perfection in everything I do.It had been much easier with my most beloved one,but now it´s very draining,as well as you described.My belief in God makes me the better person,because I wanna be worthy of heaven,with my beloved Jan together.He always used to say that I´m the better than him and I thought it was him,the better one.We were perfect together and there was no obstacle that we could not have got over.I haven´t met anybody like him since then.I have the tears in my eyes now,so much I´m thankful for your understanding.It´s such a relief!Thanks God! I hope that I may bring some good news later on... With love Janka
  14. Dear Marita! I don´t like to be here so often again,but that´s what you get when the loneliness hit you again... I´ve got the 3 best friends of mine,but one of them isn´t available now.I met her at work 6 years ago,about 4 months after my beloved Jan had died.We´ve been like own sisters and I could tell her anything at all.I had her on the phone many times by day when I needed to talk,as well as by night when I couldn´t stop crying for my beloved Jan,and yet I did my best to be always there for her too.We always laughed,no matter how hard it was.She was my best friend,but something happened to her in November of the last year and I haven´t heard from her since then.I´ve tried anything to get to know about her,because I miss her more and more each day,especially now when there´re so many problems I must figure out.In January I got a msg noticing me that she is in a very difficult situation and she can´t write or call at all.The person,who wrote me this,mentioned that they hope it´s gonna figure out soon and my best friend will let me know then.However it´s been 5 months since I got the msg and 7 months since I heard from her for the last time,so I worry about her very much as she had been mentioning a few times some bad people around her,relatives including.There must be someone that hurt her somehow and I´d like to help her.The last chance I can take would be finding her mother and I ask her in person the more.I miss her so much and I feel it must have been something very serious that happened to her.She could not have been out of her phone at all.I´ve got a very bad dreams about her and missing her in my life for so long makes my grief and loneliness much worse now,all the more that I have no family anymore and my best friends are all I´ve got... I could add this post to Anticipatory grief and mourning thread,because these cumulative losses make my grief complicated nowadays,but I stay on this thread of mine created in loving memory of my beloved Jan,the best place I can be at... I miss the love...I can´t breathe without love...Love means everything to me...My heart can´t bear more pain anymore... Another best friend of mine just stopped by a while ago.He is my biggest help that I´m thankful for.Tomorrow I´ll met another best friend of mine who I´m gonna celebrate my birthday with,because she couldn´t meet me earlier.The God and these 2 best friends of mine are the rest of my family and support I´ve got so far and I don´t know what I´d do without them at all...I write you all of this,because I feel that you care and it helps too...I wanna thank you and send you my sincere hugs... With love Janka
  15. Sergei Rachmaninoff-Elegie Op.3,No.1 I heard it in the film Anna Karenina by Leo Tostoy´s novel and it touched my soul very much...I wanted to post here a version performed by Howard Shelley that I like the most,because it sounds more softly to me,but I didn´t find it on YouTube,so I chose this old original version that I´ve got in my laptop... Rachmaninoff plays his Elegie,Op. 3,No. 1.avi PS:It takes 17 seconds before it starts playing,but it´s worthy of waiting... With love Janka
×