Hello everyone. I don't know if this is the right place to post this but I have to get it off my chest.
My mom (my best friend) recently passed very suddenly from a blood clot in her lungs in the beginning of January. She was not ill, none of us ever thought she'd pass away first. She was healthy and a vibrant soul. My dad is/was the sicker of the two with multiple heart attacks and chronic health issues.
My parent's relationship was never good. They didn't know how to communicate, didn't really like each other most of the time. Definitely not what you'd classify as a storybook romance. My mom did a lot of the day to day business of the household. She cooked, cleaned, paid bills, kept the house running. My dad didn't really let her participate in decisions, didn't tell her what he was doing or where he was going, once that I know of he was physically abusive.
Anyway, my dad has been a wreck since she died. It seems like he can't make a decision on his own. He is constantly calling me crying or just being generally negative. He says he misses her so much but then on the other hand talks negatively about her as well. Nothing is good, he has nothing...negative negative negative. I promised him when my mom died that I would call him as many times as I called before which was about 5 days a week (but most of those times it was because I wanted to talk to my mom and I loved talking to her because she was such a wonderful person, loving, funny, caring, just a really special person).
I feel like I'm having to constantly appease and cater to my dad and his greif. Due to this it is making it harder to accept and process my own greif. It's stressing me out talking to him multiple times a day. I am at a point where I feel like I'm developing an ulcer due to the stress. Never once since my mom died has he asked me how I'm doing with her loss. It is just him and his negativity all the time.
I need a break from him to process, but feel guilty because of his emotional fragility... though I sometimes question if it is real greif or him just feeling the loss of a housekeeper and maybe guilt due to the poor relationship they had.
I just don't know what steps to take to be able to process my own stuff yet allow him his greif as well.
Thank you all for reading and allowing me to vent.
