I wasn't sure where to post this.
May 6, 2017, my father shot his wife (not my mother) in the back of the head, then walked over to his favorite chair, and killed himself.
She was a wonderful person, and although I only had a few brief communications with her, it was clear she had a very good heart. He was a monster who had conned her into believing he was a good person so that she would marry him and support him.
He was dead to me long before he was actually dead, but my struggle is that he took the life of someone who was so very kind, and had a family who loved her.
I suppose I'm also grieving the loss of any possibility of him changing so that I could have any kind of good relationship with him.
I will cry at the drop of a hat, I'm extremely depressed, I'm angry as he'll, and I'm waking up constantly throughout the night in a panic attack, so sleep has been at a minimum.
I thought I could just muscle through this, but it seems not so much. I am now looking for a councelor, and trying to find a way to cope.
I'm not really sure what my point was going to be here. I think I just needed to unload a little.
Thank you for your time.
-R
