LoriS.

Thanks so much Marty, I am moved to tears! Life is getting so busy now with other things and I'm glad for that, yet I miss connecting with my mom as I did so close after her death. It just isn't coming in as clearly anymore. But...spring is here and she loved the new growth and seeing how mother nature unfolds. I am going to think about that as well as other things that I know meant so much to her. Pictures also...I haven't looked through pictures in so long...it's time to do it again...maybe with a new perspective. Thanks so much for such a loving response! The journal idea is great, Midnight! I have one that I kept with "conversations" between me and my mom or dad. Somehow I have lost touch with it. I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing to have other things going on and not thinking 24/7 about my parents...it's just wierd not to feel as in touch the further time get away. I still love them very much, and I know that. I just have to get used to the fact that their lives are physically over and that memories are all I have. My friends tell me stories of how they remember my parents and than things become more clear. I guess it's all part of the process. Thanks again so much. As always, I appreciate any responses! Take care...Lori

Rosanne, I love that! I love butterflies and they seem to be in my life a lot, especially after my mom passed away. When my daughter got married last October, as we were taking a family picture, two beautiful butterflies flew right past our faces...I said to my kids, son in law ,and husband that I thought that they were my parents coming back to say hello at the wedding. I even have a tiny butterfly tattoo on my 2nd toe and it reminds me of freedom, and of healing. Your new glass butterfly will bring you peace and I'm glad that you have that to remind you of your mom! Take care...Lori

I haven't posted in awhile and I am having a little glitch in the grieving process that I wanted to get off my mind. The further away that time goes by from my mom's passing which was Oct. 22, 2006, it seems to be harder for me to remember all the details that were ingrained in my mind for several months after her death. I had actually felt her presence so often and it actually comforted me. I don't know...this feels weird and different...like I really am so far away from her in my thoughts and it seems like I might actually "forget" things about her and that really freaks me out. I'm actually doing well in the grieving process and have had a lot of joy with my daughters wedding a few months ago and just life in general...except this has me a little puzzled. I always refer to my mom in conversation, but the connection that I felt to her after her death isn't so strong anymore...like the light is dimming...kind of like Tinkerbell in Peter Pan. I'd like to think that this is just the natural ebb and flow of life and death and that this is what naturally happens after a death as the years move forward. I'd also like to think that this is my moms way of helping me move forward in my life here on earth as she was very much a part of life and wouldn't want me to be held back. I am turning 50 on March 31st and my mom loved birthdays and celebrations. I would have loved so much for her, and my dad to have been alive to celebrate it with me and my family. Thanks for listening...Lori

Shell, you are so right! Did I read correctly on another post that you have 27 cats??? Wow!!!

I agree with everyone...believe in these "signs". They always bring me comfort when I get one!

I'm glad to see that there are others here really putting forth the effort and desire to create happiness and understand what it means to have intentions to bring it on. I have been very interested in the "power of intention" subject for sometime now and I have been putting it into practice into my daily life as much as I can. Of course I have bad days...everybody does, but I try to keep in mind that it will pass and know that it will. Sometimes, it really does feel like I'm "faking it", especially when I come in contact with other people, but somehow, it seems to pass quicker whan I do make the conscious effort to try. Have a great day...Lori

Very interesting study, Bob. And good for you Elizabeth! I was just in Florida visiting a childhood girlfriend...I know about that "breeze" you speak of in the Florida air! When I am having a day that I know is a great day, I hang on to that feeling for as long as I can. When I am having an average day, I am learning to ride it out and know that another good day is soon to come. Making a conscious effort to make that good day a great day, even if it's staying home or running errands, really has helped me. I'm experiencing a lot of "woman" issues being almost 50 and it takes a bit more effort to realize that an average day WILL pass and a good day is just around the corner! Take care...Lori

Leeann, I loved what you said about how if we weren't loved so much it wouldn't hurt so bad. Well put and soooo true! Take care...Lori

I'm sorry Cindi. When my mom first died I felt like I was in my own world within this world. I would go to the store and think how could everyone be laughing and going about their day and I am in this loanly world. I,like you, also have a lot of people around me, but nothing made sense. Just give it time. It just takes a lot of time to feel "normal" again. It's a new type of normal. Keep on posting...someone here will always respond. I'm going away for a week on Wednesday to visit a friend. I'm very excited! One year ago I was laying in bed sobbing for my mom and today I can go visit my friend and will honestly have a good time. It does get better and easier...it just takes a lot of time. And we NEVER will forget them, so don't worry about doing something that might bring you joy...they would WANT us to have joy in our life...I promise! Take care...Lori

Wow Cindi...that is harsh what happened to you at work. People need more compassion and understanding..I just don't get it. No one will turn you away or judge you here. Take care...Lori

Drew, I remember trying to "put myself back" in the room with my mom during her last days. It was my way of still being there with her and not letting her go. It's so painful and it hurts so bad, but I think that it is just our way of keeping them close to us. I can do it now without hanging on to those last moments and crying my eyes out. It's still sad, but I look at it now from a place of "I loved being with you when you died" rather than "I'm holding on to every last minute of your death". It's a different perspective. Take care...Lori

Dear Cindi...you seem so sweet and you are truly greatful. Yes, each of my parents were in Hospice and the staff was amazing. The morning that we gathered there right before my moms death, the nurses brought to us a cart with orange juice, coffee, and cereal and bagels! We knew what was happening and we were so appreciative for the care that we as a family recieved from them as well as my mom. They even washed her up after she died to get her ready for the funeral home to take her. One of my daughters and I sat with her and held her hands until they took her from us. It was quite peaceful, yet crazy and weird at the same time. Hospice is a blessing from God. I hope more people become aware of its' amazing comfort that it can give to the patient and to the family. Take care of yourself...Lori

Good for you, Drew...counseling really helps. I'm glad you clicked with your counselor, that's a very important aspect to counseling. Take care...Lori

Cindi...Wow...I never thought of it that way...that our loved ones must be proud of us for participating in this forum. That certainly is a new perspective. I really do feel my parents around me...especially my mom since we were so close. I'm so sorry for your dad. My parents were married 62 years before he passed away and my mom died 3 years later. She was a very strong (mentally) woman and her death was from old age (85) and complications of a recurrence of a cancerous tumor...but it was very fast...thank goodness. I hope your dad gets through this horribly difficult time and having you for a daughter I'm sure will help him tremendously! Take care and let us know how you are doing! Hugs to you...Lori