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ROBYNN

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  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    STAR VALLEY WYOMING
  1. MARTY, THANK YOU FOR YOUR COUNSEL. MY MOM DOES KNOW THE EXTENT OF HER ILLNESS. IN FACT WE ( MY BROTHER AND SISTERS) JUST GOT BACK FROM VISITING WITH HER, SHE WANTED TO HAVE A MEETING ABOUT HER LAST PLANS BEFORE SHE DIES AND TO MAKE ARRANGMENTS FOR HER FUNERAL AND TO TELL US ALL THAT SHE LOVES, I GUESS THAT IS WHY I FEEL SO OUT OF CONTROL THIS WEEK, I KNOW SHE SENSES THE END, I CAN TELL AND IT IS KILLING ME. I DON'T WANT HER TO SEE MY PAIN. THE HARDEST PART FOR ME IS THAT I WANT HER TO COME AND STAY WITH ME IN THE END SO I CAN HOLD HER HAND AND SAY GOODBYE AS SHE SLIPS AWAY, I HAVE THIS NEED TO BE THERE UNTIL THE VERY END, I HAVE TOLD HER THIS BUT SHE DOESN'T WANT TO LEAVE HER HOUSE AND I LIVE THREE AND A HALF HOURS AWAY ,I AM AFRAID SHE WILL PASS BEFORE I CAN SAY GOODBYE AND LOOK IN TO HER EYES, I JUST HAVE THIS NEED. I HAVE NEVER HANDLED DEATH WELL, AT THIRTEEN I FOUND MY TWO YEAR OLD SISTER DROWNED AND HELD HER IN MY ARMS UNABLE TO SAY GOODBYE..... THIS EXPERIENCE HAD SUCH A DEEP INPACT ON ME, I HATE DEATH AND HOW IT CAN COME SO QUICKLY AND DESTROY ALL THAT IS IN ITS PATH. I WILL HONOR MY MOMS WISHES BECAUSE I WANT HER TO BE AT PEACE AND HAPPY , IT IS HER LIFE, I KNOW, BUT I CANT UNDERSTAND WHY SHE DOESN'T WANT TO BE WITH ME , I KNOW THIS ISN'T ABOUT ME ,IT IS ABOUT HER AND HER NEEDS IT JUST FEELS LIKE IT IS ABOUT ME TOO AND I HAVE A HARD TIME SEPERATING THOSE TWO IDEAS, I DON'T HAVE A DAD AND SHE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO EVER UDERSTOOD ME AND I KNEW I COULD ALWAYS TALK TO HER AND SHE WOULD UNDERSTAND AND LOVE ME, I GREW A LOT FROM HER AND HER WISDOM, NOW I HAVE TO FLY SOLO AND I AM TERRIFIED ....... I WILL KEEP GOING ON AND JUST GET THROUGH ONE DAY AT A TIME. THANKS SO MUCH FOR TALKING TO ME .... ROBYNN
  2. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR REPLYING, I WAS AFRAID NO ONE WOULD AND IT WOULD COMPOUND MY FEELINGS OF BEING ALONE IN THIS. I AM SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS AND HOPE THAT YOU FIND THE PEACE YOU ARE SEARCHING FOR. I HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT CONTACTING SOMEONE THROUGH MY GRIEF COUNSELING AT WORK, BUT HESITATE BECAUSE I DONT LIKE CRYING IN FRONT OF PEOPLE, IT FEELS SAFER FOR ME HERE RIGHT NOW, MAYBE IF I CAN'T GET A GRIP ON THIS I WILL RE THINK THAT IDEA. I NEVER KNEW SOMEONE COULD CRY SO MUCH, CRYING FITS AS YOU PUT IT IS SO ACURATE, I AM GLAD TO HEAR THAT I AM NORMAL IN THAT REGARD. SOMEHOW I HAVE TOLD MYSELF THAT SHOULD BE MORE GROWN UP ABOUT THIS, ITS NOT LIKE I AM A LITTLE KID, I KNEW SOMEDAY MY MOM WOULD DIE, I JUST WASN'T EXPECTING IT SO SOON, I FEEL CHEATED OUT OF ABOUT TWENTY YEARS........ I WAS SUPPOSED TO GROW OLD WITH HER, WE WERE GOING TO BE OLD TOGETHER, NOW I WILL BE OLD ALONE, WITHOUT HER. SHE ISN'T EVEN GONE YET AND I SEE HER EVERWHERE I TURN, I SMELL HER PERFUME AND HEAR HER LAUGH, I MISS HER AND SHE IS HERE........ I WILL CONTINUE ON ...... BUT IT IS SO HARD. THANKS AGAIN FOR TALKING TO ME, IT HELPS. ROBYNN
  3. I AM NEW TO THIS , THIS FORMAT AND MY MOTHER DYING. SHE HAS BREAST CANCER AND NOW ONLY A FEW MONTHS LEFT. I AM FALLING APART WATCHING HER DIE ....SLOWLY..... I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO IT, I FALL APART AT WORK, IN THE CAR , ALL THE TIME NOW, I DON'T WANT TO EAT OR SMILE OR DO ANYTHING, I JUST WANT TO CRY AND SLEEP. IF I AM LIKE THIS NOW HOW CAN I POSSIBLY HANDLE IT WHEN " IT " COMES, I AM SO SCARED . HOW DO I FUNCTION DAY TO DAY, I CAN'T KEEP CRYING AND I CAN'T HIDE IT AS EASY AS I USED TO. I HATE THIS SO MUCH , I HATE CRYING I HATE THE LOSS OF CONTROL...... I AM SAD AND ANGRY. IF ANYONE HAS SOME IDEAS ON HOW I CAN GET THROUGH ONE DAY AT A TIME I WOULD APPRECIATE THIS, I HAVE TO KEEP GOING AND I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW.......JUST DRIFTING....... ROBYNN
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